week in review
Flotsam & Jetsam
The Week We Leaked A Sex Tape
8:18AM John Cook | Well, it wasn’t really a sex tape, per se, but it was sexy. People seemed to be interested in it! Let’s look back at the stories everyone was talking about during the week that Kari Ann Peniche’s career began and ended. More »
Lasting Impressions
10:20AM Seth | Tina Fey does Sarah Palin does Tina Fey does Sarah Palin. But who did who better? And does it really matter? Obama, sadly, does nobody. His $9 million-a-plate dinner sells out, but there’s not nearly enough buttah on it. Here’s a hint hint, pali pal: Lindsay Lohan’s got no time for you narrow-minded, media-obsessed, moose-stalking types. Pat O’Brien gets a little too hopeful. Yes he’s canned! Megan Fox still can’t get the pungent scent of Nikita’s perfumed thighs out of her mind. But did Nikita ever really exist? “I’m Fucking Tim Conway” takes all the Creative Arts Emmys. The first major 90210 cliffhanger has Luke Perry’s DNA all over it. You don’t worry about Ben Silverman. Ben Silverman’s got things all worked out. Hey hey—it’s The Mumpees! No wonder Shenae Grimes is so grumpy. Now eat, tzatzkeleh, eat! MTV VJ-alum Dave Holmes weighs in on the end of the TRL era. New from the Franklin Mint: Shia LaBeouf’s Keepsake Pinkie Nail. “I don’t care how you do it. Just kill the mouse.” How can we put this gently? While you were shooting your failed opus at Tisch, Diablo Cody was jamming toxic silicon toys up her arse for money. There! That wasn’t so bad. “Listen to me, Death: You are a rude, thoughtless little pig!” Lynne Spears: mother, author, lost-childhood investigator. Matt McConaughey’s new movie made $36,497, or $36,457 more than Katherine Heigl’s Zyzzyx Road. And finally, please press your white linen slacks and join us right here, for a spectacular Emmys liveblog presided over by the inimitable S.T. VanAirsdale. We’re predicting he’ll win and she’ll win. It’s going to be a hoot!
Tidying Up For Oscar
12:01PM Seth | Yo! Oscar! Over here! It’s the 80th Annual Academy Awards Sunday evening, and good things invariably come in extremely round numbers. As is our custom, we’ll be liveblogging the entire, bloated affair. Live! (Did we mention that already?) It promises to be four-plus hours of wildly inebriated fun. Be there: 5 p.m. Pacific. And if you can’t spend it with us, then we hope you enjoy catching Hepatitis A at Madonna’s. That should be a good time, too. Pop quiz: What do Lindsay Lohan, Marilyn Monroe, two boobs, and innumerable freckles have in common? Hint: Dina Lohan couldn’t be prouder. What’s with Where the Wild Things Are? Leaked screen tests. Poor audience responses. Possible plug pullings! For fans of Can’t Stop the Music, and just about no one else: Steve Guttenberg to boogie back into your hearts on Dancing with the Stars. My dinner with Clooné. Scarlett and Natalie are willing to go there for Boleyn. But can the same be said for Christina and Reese? OMG! Hepatitis scare at Ashton’s 30th birthday! We know…He’s only 30! “Paging Dr. Pinsky. Dr. Pinsky to admissions.” J-Lo’s gemini miracle fails to enthrall a nation. Hobble your way to digital satellite clarity! The lavender Idol monster is back, dragging along some controversy and Apple riding piggyback. Put that broken heel under your pillow, and just maybe, Shoe Fairy Neil Patrick Harris with put a brand new pair of Louboutins under your pillow.
Silence, Mon Schnabel
12:30PM Seth | Sean Young: Drunk, and wanting Julian Schnabel to get on with it already. The Julie Chen version. The video. The rehab announcement. On the bed! On the floor! On a towel by the door! She’s fucking Matt Damon! ET and The Insider compassionate Heath Ledger-next-to-some-drugs-video story kill. But do fellow stars deserve the credit? We got SAGgie Fever! Travolta’s got Middle Earth Fever. Ryan Seacrest just has regular fever. What’s Angelina hiding under that tent? Why’s she just drinking water?? It’s twins, silly! Yayyyyy! The Wolf Man loses a perfectionist, but does it gain a Ratner? Not necessarily. Another week of Britney insanity we can barely keep track of, so just click here. Tom Cruise and John Travolta nearly fall for the old Heath Ledger’s Dad Needs a Plane Ticket to America swindle. Ryan Seacrest, sweaty teens, muscle suit, tennis ball cannon: Do the math. Stewie Griffin: Gay. Jessica Alba is damned if she’s hot, damned if she’s knocked up. Mr. Phil’s
Have You Seen That Tom Cruise Video?
11:53AM Seth | The Secret Tom Cruise Scientology Tape They Didn’t Want You To See That You Ended Up Seeing A Lot Of Anyway Katie Holmes MarathonGate: Breathing not a word of it on GMA. Feeding Letterman the party line. Things get juicy: Who is runner #6074? And who is Paul Vincent? Probably not the final word on the matter. The rumors of a DGA deal were right on the money. The industry reacts. Breaking down the Sundance buzz. And a lost cat for good measure. Katherine Heigl refreshingly candid about how shitty the newlywed life can be. The Non-Globes: If you liveblog a non-event, does it make a sound? “Sooo…I understand you worked at Hooter’s. How humiliated are you by that?” The Piv cements his place in catchphrase-coining history. Kicking it, Borgnine style. Stanko ratings. Night of 1000 hotel room viewing parties. Blonskysplosion! Following the Axium embezzlement paper trail. OMG! Diane Keaton said “fucking” on GMA! NodorO™: Manly, yes, but Simon Cowell likes it too! Wesley Snipes
Golden Globes R.I.P.
12:18PM Defamer Hollywood | The Five Stages of Golden Globes Grief: Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance. Ben Silverman’s prom night totally ruined by those ugly, nerdy, mean writers. The writers try to make it up to him. Britney Spears: High on crazy, and her paparazzo boyfriend. The Dr. Phil mash-up. Jamie Lynn Spears’s hopes to nail the GED. Keeping Up with the Cruises: The UA side deal. A scriptalanche! The bombshell biography. The Mad Money premiere. Boston MarathonGate is over…or is it? Leno on Kimmel. Kimmel on Leno. It’s not nearly as hot as it sounds. Carson Daly’s feelin’ down. American Gladiators: Let the hobbling begin. Stewart and Colbert return to the air, minus their writers, plus some unsightly facial hair. Savor the Critics’ Choice Awards: They’re pretty much all we got. The Axium scandal: Payroll’s lowest hour. Will Smith’s giving away auditing sessions. No need to thank him. People’s Choice Awards a sadder affair than usual. Joaquin Phoenix misspells his name during his vow of silence. Cloverfield: Its name. The buzz. The Statue. Deep inside the CAA Death Star. Johnny Grant passes. Celebrity Rehab not any fun, despite promises of vomit. What are the Weinsteins cooking? More »
Week In Review: O.J. Simpson And The Kingdom Of His Motherf***ing Sh*t
8:02AM Defamer Hollywood | Like all long-delayed sequels, this one doesn’t quite live up to the original. The Emmys: At least our blogging extravaganza wasn’t forced by Fox’s pro-war censors to cut to an lcd disco-ball every time we mentioned how fucking unwatchable it was. Kid Nation’s homesickness-plagued premiere teaches us the next generation’s poo-making priorities aren’t nearly as out of whack as we had feared. News of K-Fed’s contracted death greatly exaggerated. A naked-and-drugged lifestyle inspires a judge to compose The Britney Rules. Stalemates: Phil Spector’s hung jury. Jeffrey Katzenberg yanks a Viacom CEO’s weave defending Spielberg, as Brad Grey swallows the possibility-of-losing-Steven pain. Leave Britney Alone Guy not likely to leave you alone any time soon. More »
Week In Review: A Very Britney Week
8:05AM Defamer Hollywood | Britney Spears: The performance of her career. The critical consensus. Sympathy comes from the least likely of places. The post-mortem. An Emmy apology? Dannielynn gets a party fit for a princess, a reality show fit for a Smith, and a father who grieves for dollars. If you want him to yell, “Victory!” that’s extra. Rosie Lit: Donald the Slug, breaking her own fingers. The Creative Arts Emmy is Kathy Griffin’s god now. Jake Gyllenhaal weighs the torture pros and cons. Kiefer Sutherland restores order to a holy Romanian movie set. Ben Silverman: The perfect TV suit storm. Nothing is Private is apparently even more disturbing than Kevin Spacey masturbating in a shower. Amy Pascal enjoys cake and Rye. Behold, the Rubyfruit Mafia. All it takes is some HGH and a dream. More »
Week In Review: When A Howard Loves A Larry
9:00AM Defamer Hollywood | Were Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead caught on tape in a “compromising, intimate position?” We’d rather not think about it. When Bill Murray explains drunken Swedish golf cart joyriding, he makes it seem so darn logical. Bionic Woman to be built better, stronger, faster by some other showrunner. Tobey Maguire is excited to bring Robotech, about a giant dance palace for robots, to the big screen. Jerry Lewis begs illiterate faggos‘ forgiveness. Brad Pitt is nearly hugged to death by a crazed, touchy-feely fan. Don’t worry, Ryan. You’ll be swell. You’ll be great. Fred Thompson, star of Law & Order and many crappy movies, is running for president. Just don’t expect Hollywood to care. Jenna Fischer switches her MySpace relationship status to single. WachowskiWatch: Lana still Larry. Chinese Theatre folk comment on Whoopi’s first day at The View. More »
