The UK press are particularly fond of giving publicity to the weddings of people twice or three times removed from celebrities ("It's Jamie Theakston's Babysitter's Cousin's Exclusive Wedding Photos, Only In OK!"), but in this instance I'll applaud them for it.

Leah Wood, daughter of Rolling Stones guitarist Ron, is getting married soon, and Ronnie has decided that the best thing to make his beloved daughter's wedding a success would be... some dwarves.

Wedding planners are looking for male and female "mischievous, giggling little imps" as short as 4ft. They will leap out of bushes to surprise guests with stunts such as stealing ladies' hats.

A wedding source said: "They're working on a theme based on the character of Puck -- the cheeky sprite from Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream.

"The idea is to have little people in costume popping up. It's going to be a fabulous do with no expense spared and the elves will make it even more fun."

(Points must also go to the Sun subs for coming up with the headline, "Rolling Gnomes".)

Really, I... there are no words. Do you think The Sun will offer it as a poster-sized art print? I'll take 50!

Do you know what the best part of this article talking about Andrew G's impending nuptials to hot tamale Noa Tishby was?

No, it wasn't the bit where we learned the saintly folk from Fremantle Media have been kind enough to offer Andrew G some time off the Australian Idol treadmill to get hitched in June, although that's nice.

Australian Idol host Andrew G will take a special break from filming the program in June, because of his wedding to Israeli model Noa Tishby.

The marriage will take place in Israel, with a number of celebrity guests from Australia expected to attend. G, who is busy with wedding plans, is said to be thrilled that his bosses have been so understanding about rearranging his Australian Idol duties in time for the big day.

"Channel Ten and Fremantle Media have been so accommodating," said Mark Morrissey, G's agent, who confirmed the nuptials would take place in Israel next month.

Nup, the best bit about the article is that the photo accompanying it appears to show Noa pulling back Andrew G's shirt in order to reveal a curious man-boob waxing job.

Is it just me? It's just me, isn't it?

Sometimes a celebrity marriage rumour comes along that you simply can't ignore. Photo agencies bombard you with visual proof, New York State court legislation is involved, and the very fact that the starry couple in question seems destined to stay together begin to haunt you throughout the day until you just can't stay quiet anymore. Today's are-they-or-aren't-they couple, of course, is Beyonce Knowles and Jay-Z. Rumours surfaced on Tuesday that the pair had filed for a marriage licence upstate, and construction on the rapper's rooftop coupled with reports that floral arrangements and standard wedding gear chandeliers had been shipped to his penthouse are beginning to convince us that the longtime couple is finally tying the knot. We sort through all the fishy and not-so-fishy details after the jump, and leave it to you to tell us whether or not we should "bite the hook", as Bobby Brown would say.

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There's some good news and bad news to report regarding Juno Lynn Spears' wedding plans and, in standard fashion, we'll present the bad news first: Jamie Lynn will apparently not be getting hitched, nor moving back to, LA. Sorry to disappoint any of you who adore the sounds of helicopters circling 'round and 'round your neighbourhood daily, or the great fun of late-night gurney trips the young mother will no doubt be taking over the next few years. The good news? Jamie Lynn's gonna look hot in her wedding dress! More details on what her trailertastic plan is to ensure she looks "beautiful" walking down the aisle after the jump.

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This report seems thoroughly plausible to us, and in no way like a cheap attempt from Czech concert promoters to get their gig mentioned in papers around the world.

Australian actress turned pop diva Kylie Minogue will announce her marriage to French actor Olivier Martinez at a concert on May 12, a Czech website says. Minogue, who turns 40 in May, will announce the marriage in Prague, Czech organiser Jarda Hainzel was quoted as saying today on the website www.idnes.cz.

And how do the Czech organisers of Kylie's concert know this wonderful secret? It's so obvious!

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You'd think with Brian "Potato" McFadden more or less deserting the UK for other shores upon which to "relaunch" his solo career, and Delta "Postmodern Mermaid Fantasy" Goodrem being, you know, Australian and everything, that the celebrity couple would choose this wide brown land within which to host their no-doubt glittering upcoming wedding, right?

Not so - apparently Delta plans to be a surrendered wife and follow Potato to the middle of outer Mongolia, or wherever is deemed to be "in the middle" of all their prospective hometowns.

While no official date has been set for the big day, the pair say they are looking at Bali as a possible location.

"We have friends all over the world so we'd like it to be somewhere in the middle," McFadden told OK! Magazine.

Since Geography doesn't seem to be Potato's strongpoint, we'd like to suggest a few alternatives that really are "in the middle":

* Yemen!
* Saudi Arabia!
* The Gaza Strip!
* a pontoon in the middle of The Red Sea!

We can hear the OK! phones ringing hot already. Just send us a slice of the cake as thanks, Potato.

But not in a gay way, because both men are enthusiastic vagina hunters* and don't you forget it.

We've held off writing about James Packer's impending nuptials to fellow Scientology follower Erica Baxter because to be honest, we've been too swept up in the excitement of it all to pause our hyperventilation and actually sit down at the keyboard to bang out some rubbish about their love affair.

But today's twist to the wedding story is simply too good, and so we've huffed on an inhaler and applied ourselves accordingly.

The A-list guests for James Packer's wedding to Erica Baxter flooded into the French Riviera yesterday, ready for days of celebration and relaxation.

One guest yet to arrive last night, however, was Tom Cruise, who if US media reports are to be believed could find himself promoted from guest to celebrant.

Women's Wear Daily claims Cruise is now at the highest level of Scientologist, which would allow him to perform the wedding ceremony for fellow L. Ron Hubbard follower Mr Packer.

This revelation has sent our party thetans into fits of glee.

We are simply so excited at the idea of Tom Cruise being the one who turns to the bridegroom to utter the following words (which are part of a traditional Scientology wedding ceremony) "Now, James, girls need clothes and food and tender happiness and frills, a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat. All caprice if you will, but still they need them."

Because frankly, those words tickle us more than we could ever express. Perhaps a cat! PERHAPS A CAT! IT NEVER GETS OLD!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA x a billion

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*Phrase courtesy of our lover Simon Amstell.