wanted
Big Screen
Breaking: Hollywood Still Out Of New Ideas
12:20AM Brian Moylan | Word out of Comic-Con is that the movie biz is spending their precious resources on Pirates of the Caribbean 4, Batman 3, Wanted 2 (sans Angelina Jolie), and The Strangers 2. Suddenly, K-Pax sequel has fingers crossed for greenlight. [Popwrap]
‘Wanted’ Director To Bring Curved Bullets to Hyperkinetic Adaptation of… ‘Moby Dick’?
8:35AM Kyle Buchanan | Here at Defamer, we usually announce the latest Hollywood projects in our trade round-up, but today’s Variety included mention of an upcoming project that was so balls-out bizarre, we knew it needed special attention. According to the industry bible, Wanted helmer Timur Bekmambetov is prepping an adaptation of Herman Meville’s Moby Dick. Naturally, as befits a project of this sort of literary stature, he has brought aboard writers Adam Cooper and Bill Collage (who previously scripted the Justin Long comedy Accepted) to draft the screenplay. Says Variety: More »
Arnold Schwarzenegger Confused by New ‘Terminator’ Footage, Robot Ambiguity
3:25AM Defamer Hollywood | Busy accepting Bollywood paychecks, offering tank rides to children, and occasionally running the state of Colly-fornia, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has somehow carved time into his schedule to screen footage from the upcoming, unessential McG sequel Terminator: Salvation, starring Christian Bale as John Connor (and virtual unknown Sam Worthington as an amnesiac maybe-Terminator). So, does he give the new film a molten steel-dipped “thumbs up”? According to the LAT, not so much: More »
Chosen Two Outed As Test Tube Babies
10:15AM Molly Friedman | Excellent news to report for anyone who still thinks Angelina Jolie is perfection incarnate, in spite of that silly husband-stealing fiasco, heroin tape, Billy Bob phase, Life Or Something Like It and…well, there are probably a few of you left! According to Us, the conception of the Chosen Two was quite literally chosen to arrive at a specific point in Brangelina’s magical life. A source tells the weekly that the “impatient” soccer team managers didn’t rely on Brad’s super-sperm or Jolie’s scream-filled bedroom style to spontaneously produce Knox and Viv. Rather, the no-longer-immortal duo paid a hefty sum for in vitro treatments to speed up their plan to “have 10 kids…while [they're] young.” But their goal may not work out quite as planned. Reports that Angelina is being forced into joining the trendy rapid weight loss/gain club for her next role may cause a serious delay in recruiting new Jolie-Pitts for quite some time. More »The Bachelorette Is Even Dumber Than We Ever Imagined
11:10AM Seth | The Bachelorette producers must hate DeAnna Pappas. That’s the only reason we can come up for airing this gag reel that reveals her softer belching and English-butchering sides. [The Bachelorette] Goldenfiddle compiles some of the best Wanted bad reviews into one hilariously satisfying read. [Goldenfiddle] This wound itself around the internets late last week—Jezebel ran a full transcript—but in case you haven’t yet heard it, we now proudly present: The Douchiest Phone Message In History. (By the way, we have the perfect backup-Olga for you, Dmitri: DeAnna! She’s Greek, too!) [Holytaco] The familiar punim of Rastajewian superstar Rogen graces the new Pineapple Express one-sheets. [TrailerAddict.com] And finally, we turn to the only man who can properly assess the Bear Freaking A Tree video currently eating the web alive: Defamer editor-at-large, Mark Lisanti. “Oh, my naive little friend: Clearly, once properly aroused by massaging his back on the tree, he’s unleashing the full fury of his engorged bearcock on a quivering knothole. Sure, the splinters are a bitch, but such is the price of ursine erotic satsifaction.” [Lisanti Quarterly] More »
Now for a long-overdue Angelina TattooWatch …
4:18AM Seth | Now for a long-overdue Angelina TattooWatch update: With whispers of a twins pregnancy, Jolie’s lower-belly tattoo will likely be exposed to more distention than ever, requiring perhaps a lengthening of its current sacred text. (May we suggest, “Aniston! Pregnant me again–only this time it’s twins! :D” surrounded by a Chinese fertility dragon?) Meanwhile, we defy you to differentiate the real back tattoos from the temporary ones added for her role as Fox, the assassin with a soft spot for semiautomatic artillery and adorable Third World orphans, in the upcoming Wanted. [Daily Mail] More »
