What fun it must be to have a baby, get married, or turn one year older if you're lucky enough to be chummy with Village People Fan Club president Tom Cruise. As a card-carrying member of Tom's inner circle of disco-dancing Xenu-fearing tribe of pals, new mum Nicole Kidman had the joy of receiving one of Cruise's trademark lavish gifts — as People reports, the birth of little Sunday Urban prompted Nicole's ex-partner in bearded crime to send over a huge "high-end" gift basket filled to the brim with fancy baby must-haves. But after reviewing Tom's history of gifting his nearest and dearest with incredibly bizarre and, at times, inappropriate items, we suspect his inclusion of "Giraffe baby blankets" might actually be a subtle swipe at Kidman's tendency to resemble the long-necked drowsy animal. Cruise's unnerving presents of the past to fellow Tom-ophiles like Dakota Fanning and Katie Holmes, after the jump.

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If you're a particularly glam lady, known more for your extensive and jealousy-inducing collection of Hermes Birkin Bags and designer duds than you are for, say, stepping out in a tracksuit to get some milk and fags from the shops, what would be more terrifying for you: your plane nearly blowing up because a bird is sucked through the engine, or being seen in your airline-issue PJs?

If you are Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham, you will choose the latter option.

Passengers screamed as the pilot slammed on the brakes and the plane screeched to a halt.

Fire crews were called on to the runway to douse the craft's overheated brakes with foam.

It was then that the horrifying scale of the disaster really hit home for Victoria -- she realised she was wearing standard-issue aircraft pyjamas and no make-up.

The Spice Girl launched into the emergency position and grabbed her high heels, designer clobber and lipstick.

She then stayed on the cancelled Los Angeles to London carrier to complete her showbiz transformation while the other passengers were bussed back to the terminal.

Do you think she even owns casual clothes? Or is she just like Our Alannah Hill, who thinks casual clothes and flat shoes are "disturbing"?

We've already heard enough stars insisting that those sex scenes we find either major turn-ons (Mickey Rourke force-feeding Kim Basinger strawberries on the kitchen floor in 9 1/2 Weeks) or majorly eye-scarring (Heather Graham faking her way through grainy limo thrusts in Boogie Nights) are totally perfunctory while filming. With the massive crew surrounding them, the sudden lighting checks, and simple fact that they've gotta feign spontaneous heat take after take, we've leaned towards taking their word for it. And as it turns out, no matter how big the star or legendary their prowess in the bedroom, even simple kissing scenes with the most gorgeous A-listers around range from "awkward and sweaty" to "slightly icky and sort of wet." Where Tom Cruise, Angelina Jolie, Harrison Ford, Leonardo DiCaprio and more rank on the list of Worst On-Screen Kissers after the jump.

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This may come as a shock, but we have some troubling news to report: it seems that the Double Dating, Non-Eating foursome of Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and power duo Posh 'n Becks differ in one key regard. As opposed to TomKat's demure sartorial choices, from their first public motorcycle ride to their wedding attire to Katie's current desire to wear dresses with hemlines as long as possible, their British counterparts just love showing us some skin. As People reports, frosty-locked David has been confirmed to appear in yet another glossy ad campaign for Armani, in which the soccer star will continue to contort his Adonis body into poses highlighting his too-good-to-be-true physical assets. Since the new pictures coincide with recently released oddball shots taken of permanently deadpan wife Victoria Beckham for Marc Jacobs' Spring/Summer print campaign, we took a nostalgic (and arousing) look back at just how many times the Beckhams have admirably sold their bodies for bundles of cash. Enjoy the various real and fake body parts belonging to Britain's most rare creation: a real live hot couple.

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Despite having apparently cleaned up her boozy gurney act, finding a new boyfriend who doesn't wear wifebeaters and even spending quality mini-SUV-riding time with Sean Preston and The Other One, Britney Spears has still been getting flack from the press. Why? Namely because she's been seen looking slightly less svelte than usual while covering her belly (which, of course, leads to unwed-mum pregnancy stories). But comeback number infinity is still chugging away! Last week, we reported on her planned string of "flashy" shows in Vegas, and now we learn that Spears has reportedly undergone a rapid weight loss using none other than the Victoria Beckham starvation method. Details on what Spears has been replacing her Cheetos with, how she's comparing to Posh these days and the dimensions of her dress size these days (you know you want to know) after the jump.

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We've been wondering for a while now when all these obsessed-over spawns of celebrities would finally grow up and start canoodling already. With all the "wombwatching" and "bump" updates screaming at us from the newsstands, all we really want to know is when Lourdes is going to start dating James Wilkie Parker Broderick (oy), or when Suri will link eyes with the matching-haircut, age-equivalent Maddox. But thank the pervy Hollywood heavens above, the wait is now over. As the NY Daily News reports today, two youngsters with very famous A-list parents are currently "dating," and "poised to take Hollywood by storm...and they have a combined age of 18!" Well! That's slightly disgusting but also beyond intriguing! The new hot couple on the schoolyard revealed, after the jump.

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When the Count and Countess of Scientology throw a party, they do not set out plastic lawn chairs and serve crustless honey-drenched finger sandwiches. No, when TomKat decide to invite all of their friends and frenemies (and even some enemies!) over for a daytime soirée, the Knights of Hubbard throw the kind of party that puts everyone from the Royal Family to Donatella Versace to shame. On Saturday afternoon, TomKat decided to congratulate themselves on purchasing yet another of their many torture chambers loving households in Beverly Hills by hosting the likes of Kirstie "I Should Be Dead" Alley, Oprah "Never Forget" Winfrey, Victoria "Posher Than Katie" Beckham, and Jennifer "Marc Is Sick Again" Lopez. And putting aside Suri's adorably Croc-like sandals and her ongoing tendency to appear just as frightened of her father as the rest of the world, this A-list party's most impressive attributes were the pimped out rides. After the jump, a collection of the invitees in their modes of transportations, and a sampling of just how much security goes into protecting their Friends and Foes from Xenu's ominous Orwellian eye:

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Hello Magazine is reporting that Tom Cruise was plum out of ideas for what to get recently drifting BFF David Beckham for his birthday. So instead of a fruit basket or a lifetime supply of Tom Cruise Purple, the Hubbard-loving Clear decided to treat both Posh and Becks to a private weekend getaway at one of Cruise's favourite romantic spots in Napa Valley: his very own home!

"They wanted [Posh] and David to make use of their property [and] insisted that it should be just the two of them and that they should thoroughly spoil themselves."

But after hearing more details on just how Tom planned this so-called "private" getaway, we're worried the Beckhams are about to be abducted by a Xenuphobic SWAT team...

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We hate to rain on Tom Cruise's purity parade, but it seems his bundle of Hubbard Formula-chugging joy, Suri Cruise, has gone seriously gaga for two older men. And she's got the giggles to show it. While babysitting for all three Beckham boys as David bent it like...well, lost to the visiting team, Tom and Katie brought finger-nibbling Suri along to watch. But the blanketed Cruiselette only had eyes for one guy: and he goes by Brooklyn Beckham. Tom did seem more interested in setting up Suri with the littlest Beckham (Cruz Beckham! Just picturing future Scientology couple Suri Cruise and Cruz Beckham likely made Tom's removable head spin with possibilities), Suri couldn't keep her eyes off 9-year old Brooklyn. But earlier last week while still in NY, TomKat attended Suri's favourite musical, and we have a feeling fellow Scientologist John Travolta's role in the movie version had nothing to do with her ear-to-ear grin while leaving: a certain song-and-dancing Efronabbe got her all shook up...

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Though the Metropolitan Museum's annual Costume Gala is considered by most to be the Oscars of the fashion world, the truth of the matter is that no one really focuses on the clothes. What really matters is which celebrities show up to WEAR the clothes and, of course, whether or not they're lookin' good. That said, all eyes were entirely focused on the recently friction-laden, reportedly squabbling super-duo of Team Cruise and Team Beckham, who reunited once again for the cameras. And despite the gushing show of admiration and respect that the Beckhams demonstrated for the the Hubbard-lovers on yesterday's Oprah, both Holmes and Beckham were allegedly competing for the spotlight last night. And in the end? The girl with the higher-slit dress tends to win every time. More photos from the event, including our picks for the best and most horrific looks of the night, after the jump.

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