uninteresting celebrity couplings

Aussie Model’s Oily Boyfriend Detained On Suspicion Of Being The Little Man In The Peanut Butter Jar That Gave Millions Of ’80s Kids Nightmares

4:18PM Clem Bastow | Ho-hum Australian model Cheyenne Tozzi flew into Sydney with celebrity boyfriend Brandon Davis – aka Mr ex-Mischa Barton, and originator of the “firecrotch” dramz – to spend some quality time hanging out where the paparazzi are sure to make them both look important, but the gruesome twosome were held up at customs when it turned out Davis was planning on going buck wild down under. Loaded with US dollars, the 28-year-old was delayed for more than two hours, while his pin-up girlfriend became increasingly agitated while waiting in the arrivals area. “She was pacing around the whole time, with her mobile phone at her ear, trying to look anonymous,” a witness told The Daily Telegraph. “With her sunglasses on inside, everyone was looking at her.” A Customs spokesman declined to comment on individual passenger details for privacy reasons yesterday, but said travellers were required to declare if they were carrying more than $10,000 or the equivalent in foreign currency. Davis, who began dating the younger of the two Tozzi sisters last year, was finally allowed through to meet a waiting car and driver about 10.30am, after arriving on an 8am flight from the US. By that time, Tozzi had been collected by friends in another vehicle, leaving her wealthy beau behind. Davis was later spotted being accosted by some firemen who’d purchased some industrial strength, king-sized oil blotting sheets and were trying to roll him up in them. More »

Hold Your Horses, Australia, Sophie Monk And Benji Madden Are Still Together!

3:57PM Clem Bastow | Though millions of Australians were ready to wail in the streets at the rumoured news that Sophie “Motorcycle Dance” Monk and Benji “The Slightly Fatter And More Tattooed One” Madden were about to split, the country can breathe a collective sigh of relief – it is not so! In a statement to US Magazine, the couple’s publicist wrote: “As Nicole Richie and Joel Madden anticipate the birth of their first child, a rep for Madden’s rocker brother, Benji, confirms that, despite reports of a split, his romance is still going strong. “In response to recent rumors that the couple had broken up, Good Charlotte’s rep tells Us: “Benji Madden and Sophie Monk are together and very happy.” Evidently this is such a cause for celebration that News Ltd created a slideshow to the effect of providing reverence for our greatest celebrity coupling since Tom and Nicole – which we give thanks for, as it allows us all to bask in the glory of this: For which, we should all give solemn thanks. More »