uk correspondent
Official Message From Melesbian C Regarding Cancelled Spice Tour
10:41AM Jess McGuire | Further to yesterday’s report regarding the Spice Girls cancelling their Australian tour (and the mighty fan wrath subsequently incurred), we wish to alert you to an official statement offered by Sporty Spice Mel C regarding her role in this tragic turn of events.
Melanie would like to make it perfectly clear that at no point has she refused to continue with the Spice Girls Tour.
She is very disappointed that the tour isn’t continuing at this stage and, as she does not have the family commitments of the other Girls, she is in the best position of all of them to continue.
Any accusation that it was Melanie’s reluctance to continue the tour that has brought about this situation is absolutely false.
So there you have it. Those other lazy bitches are to blame.
*Headline thanks to UK Correspondent Will. Defamer Australia wishes to note that we have no evidence Mel C has ever dived for clams, and we believe she is firmly in the I Heart Doodle camp when it comes to love. Truly. No libel suits, please. More » 
A Facebook Refuge For Gretel Fans
3:05PM Jess McGuire | Alright folks, if you’re still distraught and horrified by the fact Gretel Killeen has been kicked off Big Brother in favour of Kyle “Faustian Pact” Sandilands and Jackie O, there’s a Facebook group you can join titled “We Will Never Again Watch Your Shit Show, or, How Dare They Remove Gretel” started by Defamer Australia’s very own UK Correspondent and dedicated Gretel admirer Will.
It is here, and describes itself thusly.
Gretel Killeen is no longer the host of BB-AU. And to rub salt in the
wound, she has been replaced with the literally insupportable Kyle and
Jackie O IS THIS A FUCKEN JOKE
Gretel was in fact the only
reason most people (apart from retarded children) watched Big Brother.
Now that she is gone, this will become evident.
It feels like the end of the world.
There you go. More » The Latest Report From Our UK Correspondent
3:51PM Jess McGuire | Here at Defamer Australia, we always endeavour to keep abreast with the pop culture goings on not only in our own magical brown land, but also in the overcast land that is the British Isles.
To ensure we do so to the best of our abilities, we flew over one of our best “people”, the marvellous William Fop Esquire, and gave him one task; tell us what the fuck is going down in ol’ Blighty, preferably in point form, but however you desire to deliver said news will suffice.
Being an obedient sort of man, he has filed a report with us. Please enjoy after the jump. More » 
Kylie Chooses To Focus What Is Truly Important In Life
7:54AM Jess McGuire | Defamer Australia’s highly agitated UK Correspondent sent us an email this morning pointing out that the eldest Minogue sibling, clearly going mad with broodiness, is contemplating leaving showbiz to focus what’s important in life. And in no particular order, the important things in life appear to be Olivier Martinez, reproducing, and soft furnishings.
Last month Kylie Minogue was enjoying secret meetings with her former lover Olivier Martinez.
Now the diminutive singer is poised to hang up her hotpants and step down as the Princess of Pop.
The 39-year-old Aussie chanteuse has been telling friends she wants to “focus on what is truly important”.
She is currently completing a new album and has just finished shooting scenes for her role as Doctor Who’s sidekick in the BBC show’s Christmas special.
She is also finalising plans for her own soft furnishing line, due out next February.
Our surly UK Correspondent signed off his fuming missive to us regarding Kylie’s newfound sense of perspective with a succinct “Her facking HEAD is a soft furnishing sometimes”.
Indeed. More » Once Again, BBUK Entertains Us More In One 5-Minute Clip Than Australian BB Has In Ten Weeks
11:46AM Jess McGuire | This is, frankly, amazing.
Thanks to our beloved UK correspondent Will Fop for the heads up.
More » Our UK Correspondent Has Some Thoughts Regarding Ricki-Lee’s Defection From The Young Divas
4:16PM Jess McGuire | Defamer Australia’s beloved UK Correspondent Will (we are currently awaiting his “latest report” which will be filled with hot pop tips and UK Big Brother anecdotes) has let rip on his personal blog about Ricki-Lee Coulter’s ditching of the powerful Young Divas supergroup in favour of focusing on her solo career.
The catalyst for his diatribe was not the official announcement of Ricki-Lee’s departure, but rather news that her first move as a solo “artiste” has been to sing with a cartoon character named Coco the cuckoo.
Marvel at his fury, as we did.
I was too upset when Ricki Lee resigned from the Young Divas to speak much about it, because I so desperately didn’t want it to be so, and I knew it would be coming sooner or later. Then I felt an odd, bitter feeling about how deluded she is to think she can have a solo career in Australia, and considered it to be broadly emblematic of most people’s inability JUST TO MAKE THE BEST OF SOMETHING MEDIOCRE WHICH IS ALL YOU WILL EVER HAVE IF YOU ARE TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST instead of constantly looking for something shinier and therefore better and with less Paulini involvement. We all have such wishes at times but don’t you think it’s a sign of maturity just to accept that life will never be the perfect Paulini-free tableau we believe we are entitled to and to just crack on and make the most of a fucking hilarious situation such as being placed in the cheapest but second most successful Australian girl band in history? Now you RIDICULOUS WOMAN, you have had to sing with a cartoon bird and it is very unlikely that this will have been a dignified experience for you.
You can see why we love him, can’t you? Read the rest of his spiel here. More » 
Dannii Morphs Into ‘Grumpy Judge’ On UK Talent Show, Red Symons Prepares For War
4:22PM Jess McGuire | Australia’s Got Talent judge Dannii Minogue – who, last we can recall, spent most of her time on the Channel Seven program fawning over any act that came her way, doubly so if there happened to be any sort of rainbow tinge to the performance – has apparently morphed into a harsh assessor of showbiz skill now that she’s appearing on Britain’s The X Factor.
Dannii, who’s joined Simon “normally the nasty one” Cowell and Sharon Osbourne as judges on the UK version of The X-Factor, is becoming increasingly unpopular with the contestants.
Choreographer Brian Friedman explains: “One girl came in for auditions and said, ‘I used to like Kylie’.” Dannii didn’t like being compared to her sister and voted her out on the spot.
“She has left several contestants in tears.” Meow!
The idea of any contestant feeling the need to put on the waterworks after hearing Dannii Minogue finds them talentless strikes us as vaguely amusing, but there you go.
(Our beloved gay and UK correspondent Will is no doubt going to kill us for writing the above sentence.) More » What’s Going On In Big Brother UK?
7:47PM Jess McGuire | Big Brother fans will remember the joy last year of discovering we could watch the amazing series (featuring a house full of totally entertaining/occasionally insane folk including a Tourettes afflicted musician – he eventually won the series – and a spoiled and completely mental woman named Nikki) on YouTube.
If you missed Nikki’s brilliance, here’s a taste.
Anyway. Defamer Australia have a wonderful correspondent currently living in London who is sending us brilliantly succinct updates about the new series.
Enjoy the first of many missives from Will, Defamer Australia’s Official UK Correspondent.
The UK version of Big Brother just started and the house until Friday was a woman-only house! There are some old ladies in there too like 55 and 60 years old. The 55 year old is an old hippie who likes going on protests and wearing hemp and being a hardcore
leftie, and the 60 year old is a complete Tory and small business owner and very posh though I understand she has been weeing in the shower – to the nation’s disgust. For some reason the Tory woman has turned the leftie hippie woman into her bitch! I just don’t understand how this happened but to be frank I haven’t been watching very closely. There is also a dreadful late 30s woman with pink hair who is a tired looking raver-type, fat pants and all – she lists her occupation as ‘cleaner’ and claims to never have turned on a computer in her life.
So there you have it. More » 