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‘Thunder’ Strikes Again in Hollywood Holiday Wasteland

2:30AM STV | Rising and shining today after a long, lucrative season of hits and hits and hits — the second richest on record, we’re told — what better way to welcome fall than with a hungover glimpse at the Labour Day weekend’s multiplex triumphs? Another day off, you say? We’re afraid we can’t help you there, so for now, behold your Tuesday Morning Box Office:

Hollywood Treats Labour Day Moviegoers to Festive Abundance Of Crap

2:05AM STV | Welcome to a special Labour Day edition of Defamer Attractions, your regular guide to what’s new, noteworthy and potentially nausea-inducing this week at the movies. We’re as shocked as anyone to see another bottleneck for wide releases, with five films vying for scarce holiday dollars before studios roll out their fall collections. Alas, there they are — only one dumpee can finish on top, and our overeducated guess follows below. We’ve also got a hunch over who stands to lose big, our regular underdog pick for your consideration, and the best of the best new DVD releases for you three-day-weekend homebodies. As always, our choices are our own but positively elegant in their accuracy. You’re welcome!