the bachelorette
Jesse The Snowboarder Sheds Real Webcam Tears Over ‘Bachelorette’ Breakup
8:10AM Seth | You’ve now had several hours to absorb the news that Deanna Pappas and Jesse Csincsak will not spend the rest of eternity together in a state of cross-eyed lovers’ bliss—the very thing they pledged to us, the passively interested Bachelorette viewer, during that live broadcast of After the Final Rose. Pappas said in a statement that she “slowly came to realise that we are two totally different people and it wasn’t going to work out,” but what was Jesse’s side of the story? More »
‘Bachelorette’ DeAnna Pappas Calls Off Wedding To Snowboarder Of Her Dreams
4:32AM Seth | We’ve only just begun to recover from the news that Lamas Family Acting Dynasty scion Shayne Lamas had ended her arranged marriage to British Bachelor guy before it had even begun—a decision followed by a downward spiral of public bum-flashings and belt-chewing for the young, single actress. Now comes news that yet another of the series’s pairings—that of onetime gazebo rejectee turned manhungry shopping-spree winner DeAnna Pappas to snowboard instructor Jesse Csincsak—has come undone: More »
7:39AM Seth | Boo! You want a Halloween scare? Go over to RadarOnline.com. Our old friend has been shipped off to an institution by their new adoptive parents and lobotomized, and now spends afternoons staring out a window and mumbling about The Bachelorette and dolphins. We’ve heard the rumours, we just didn’t have the stomach to really face it until today. On the plus side, new tag headings of “Bachelorette, PhotoOp, SeaWorld, and Trista Sutter” should make it all the easier for you to access this empty husk’s growing database of stories on those topics, should you care to. [Radar Online] More »
Make Contractually Obligated Love To TV Guide’s List of the ‘Most Annoying TV Couples’
5:35AM Defamer Hollywood | There are TV characters you hate to love, and then there are those whose love you hate. TV Guide writer Damien Holbrook tackles the latter in the magazine’s upcoming feature, “Top 10 Most Annoying TV Couples,” which details the most aggravating, chemistry-free romances ever foisted on television by a hubris-stricken showrunner. Did your least favourite couple make the list? Will Katherine Heigl make her beloved Joshua forward the article to the Grey’s Anatomy writers? Results and analysis, after the jump: More »
Their Love Is Dead: Shayne Lamas And British ‘Bachelor’ Guy Call Off The Engagement
2:45AM Seth | It’s a shocking turn of events anticipated by only a handful of the most cynical romance-haters: Shayne Lamas, heiress to the Lamas Family acting dynasty, and British Bachelor Guy, a reality TV contestant from England, citing irreconcilable attention whoredom, have announced that their engagement is off. What’s more—and we urge you now to take a seat if you aren’t doing so already—the two will be going their separate ways forever. From usmagazine.com: More »
DeAnna Pappas: ‘Your The One’
6:10AM Seth | They say that every soul has their One out there somewhere—and after a false start that left her hunched over and coughing up blood on her Gazebo of Broken Dreams, DeAnna Pappas finally found hers last night on The Bachelorette’s season finale. And who, we ask, is more deserving of legitimate and lasting happiness, having submitted herself to not one but two six-week-long cattle-call searches for true love? No one! Learn who DeAnna chose—the very same fellow who scribbled that spell-unchecked grocery list of proposal talking points above—after the jump!
Morning Show Team Stunned Silent By ‘Bachelorette’ DeAnna Pappas’s Astonishing Dumbness
5:45AM Seth | At long last, The Bachelorette—that epic, six-week-long search for eternal love in which inarticulate Mediterranean beauty DeAnna Pappas is made to choose a suitable lifemate from a man-harem of 25—reaches its chilling conclusion tonight on ABC. Stopping by the GMA studios to show off her sparkly new hardware for a visibly envious Chris Cuomo, Pappas explained the difficult-to-grasp concept of having to choose between “two totally different people. You got one guy on one hand, and another guy on another hand, and I’m two totally different people with each guy.” This suggests that Pappas is the relationship equivalent of tofu, her spongy personality absorbing the flavors of any man with which she comes in contact. Somewhere, Brad Womack is breathing a sigh of relief that he ditched this chick at the Fantasy Proposal Gazebo, and chose instead to hold out for some hot, Serbian supermodel ass like his tire-fortune-heir predecessor. More »The Bachelorette Is Even Dumber Than We Ever Imagined
11:10AM Seth | The Bachelorette producers must hate DeAnna Pappas. That’s the only reason we can come up for airing this gag reel that reveals her softer belching and English-butchering sides. [The Bachelorette] Goldenfiddle compiles some of the best Wanted bad reviews into one hilariously satisfying read. [Goldenfiddle] This wound itself around the internets late last week—Jezebel ran a full transcript—but in case you haven’t yet heard it, we now proudly present: The Douchiest Phone Message In History. (By the way, we have the perfect backup-Olga for you, Dmitri: DeAnna! She’s Greek, too!) [Holytaco] The familiar punim of Rastajewian superstar Rogen graces the new Pineapple Express one-sheets. [TrailerAddict.com] And finally, we turn to the only man who can properly assess the Bear Freaking A Tree video currently eating the web alive: Defamer editor-at-large, Mark Lisanti. “Oh, my naive little friend: Clearly, once properly aroused by massaging his back on the tree, he’s unleashing the full fury of his engorged bearcock on a quivering knothole. Sure, the splinters are a bitch, but such is the price of ursine erotic satsifaction.” [Lisanti Quarterly] More »
