We've already heard enough stars insisting that those sex scenes we find either major turn-ons (Mickey Rourke force-feeding Kim Basinger strawberries on the kitchen floor in 9 1/2 Weeks) or majorly eye-scarring (Heather Graham faking her way through grainy limo thrusts in Boogie Nights) are totally perfunctory while filming. With the massive crew surrounding them, the sudden lighting checks, and simple fact that they've gotta feign spontaneous heat take after take, we've leaned towards taking their word for it. And as it turns out, no matter how big the star or legendary their prowess in the bedroom, even simple kissing scenes with the most gorgeous A-listers around range from "awkward and sweaty" to "slightly icky and sort of wet." Where Tom Cruise, Angelina Jolie, Harrison Ford, Leonardo DiCaprio and more rank on the list of Worst On-Screen Kissers after the jump.

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Actors have finally been found to play the two soldiers in the G.I. Joe crew who most resemble members of the Village People. At least, according to movie scoop site Latino Review they have. G.I. Joe, Steven Sommer's tentpole movie about the legendary action figures, will be hitting theatres in the summer of '09. And so far, the casting news has been pretty ho-hum — you've got your Sienna Millers, you've got your Ray Parks — but today that all changes, thanks to Brendan Fraser and the Rock.

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· Enjoy Blue Reed, Abigail Breslin's cat, while you can. We have a feeling he's going to go mysteriously missing very soon, the only clue to his whereabouts a note in what seems to be Dakota Fanning's handwriting reading, "Stop!"
· Rainn Wilson's ass to steal the show at the Spirit Awards.
·Scarlett Johansson does Tom Waits.
· It was all but inevitable: Ice Road Truckers is going to be adapted into a feature, probably to star The Rock as the slip-sliding-big-rig-drivingest badass the Canadian tundra has ever seen.

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1. Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married - $US21.5 million
Reacting to the third number one opening posted by the producer/actor/director/playwright/media mogul behind Why Did I Get Married?, Lionsgate president Tom Ortenberg somewhat ominously warned all of Hollywood, "My strong hunch is that this is the last time anybody will underestimate Tyler Perry."

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We'd wish you a happy morning, but we know you'd just see through that transparent attempt at merry-making on the bleak beginning of a seemingly unending work week. So: have a look at the weekend box office numbers, doing your best to ignore the days of pain that await you:

1. The Game Plan - $US22.675 million
Not since Vin Diesel so movingly revealed his softer, stroller-pushing side in The Pacifier has an action star so seamlessly transitioned into the family-comedy genre. This weekend, Dwayne "The Rock, But The Cuddly Kind" Johnson captured America's hearts by successfully dramatising the parenting challenges faced by any self-absorbed NFL superstar unexpectedly saddled with a bastard offspring, winning untold millions of new fans.

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· No, The Rock, don't eat those cookies your daughter baked for you! There's cinnamon in them, and you'll have a hilarious allergic reaction that makes you talk like Robin Williams doing his Deaf Guy impression!
· Posh makes the far tougher-looking Nazi-hunter, in our opinion.
· Two generations of Stillers offer updates on Owen Wilson's recovery.
· Ratner embonered by the hott, NC-17 sex in Ang Lee's Lust, Caution.
· Sun rises, sun sets, Ryan Adams melts down onstage.

· We don't even know where to begin with this one: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is set to star in Disney's Witch Mountain, a follow-up to one of the most formative moviegoing experiences of our distant youth, Escape to Witch Mountain. Don't mess with Tony and Tia, Rock: They fuck you up good. [Variety]
· Tim Burton's "could you turn the human-intestinal-pudding shots down a smidge?" Sweeney Todd gets a December 21st release date. [Variety]
· George Lucas hired white-hot screenwriter John Ridley to write the script for Red Tails, a WWII drama about the color-barrier-shattering Tuskegee Airmen, feared by the Germans for their deadly, X-wing-mounted laser rifles. [Variety]
· Social networking websites gone public! Analysts suspect sites like Classmates.com could do well on the stock market, backed by irresistible marketing campaigns like, "Can you believe SHE married HIM?" [THR]
· Innovative agents Michael McConnell and Ben Press are suing the agency for being "unfairly chained to their jobs." Both suits cite the heavy, iron chains soldered to their ankles and tethered to their desks as irrefutable proof. [THR]

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