terri irwin

Bob Bob Bitten By A Snake!

9:49AM Jess McGuire | We damn near had a heart attack when we read yesterday afternoon that little Bob Bob Irwin, the golden haired replica doll-less child we’re pinning all our conservation hopes on, had been bitten by a snake! The 4-year-old son of Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin was not at all alarmed when he was recently bitten by a baby boa constrictor, according to his mother. “He picked one of them up and it bit him on the finger, and he was so proud to have copped his first hit,” Irwin’s widow, Terri, said today at an appearance at the FAO Schwarz toy store with her two children to promote a new line of toys. Obviously we shouldn’t have been too afraid for Bob Bob’s welfare. Let’s face it, once you’ve faced off with a crocodile whilst still being physically unable to hold your own head up and lived to tell the tale, something as trivial as a snake isn’t going to faze you one little bit, although the Pete Doherty-ish use of the words “copped his first hit” worries us slightly, as it paints a tragic picture of an older Bob Bob becoming an adrenalin junkie, taking unnecessary risks and performing death defying feats for the cameras. And we all know where that leads… We’re pleased Bob Bob was switched on enough to ask an all important question once he “copped his first hit”. “He said, ‘I hope it wasn’t venomous’, so I assured Robert I wouldn’t actually let him play with venomous snakes,” she said. At least he’s learned from the mistakes of the past and has no intentions of messing with venomous creatures for kicks. We’re also chuffed that mother Terri would never have him play with a poisonous snake, choosing instead to go for a more constricting beast. Terri Irwin said the couple’s 9-year-old daughter, Bindi, was first bitten by a snake when she was 18-months old. The girl, who is featured in the Discovery Kids Channel show Bindi the Jungle Girl, posed for cameras with a new action figure in her likeness. Typical. Anything Bob Bob can do, Bindi can do better. “Bitten at 4-years-old? Dude, please. By four years of age, I was cage fighting with Siberian tigers, eating live red back spiders for breakfast, and hot wiring vehicles in the Australia Zoo car park in order to joyride with delinquent chimpanzees. Crikey! Word to yo motha!” Don’t get too comfortable on that throne, missy, surrounded by your mindless lackeys and assorted dolls. Bob Bob will have his day, mark our overly dramatic and completely ridiculous words… More »

Bob Bob Now The Only Irwin Family Member Without A Doll In His Likeness, Continues To Be Our Small Blonde Hope For Australia Zoo

7:06AM Jess McGuire | Because we’re just in that sort of mood this morning, we’d like to begin by looking at the positives in this article regarding Bindi Irwin’s new incarnation as a talking doll. Firstly, Dark Crystal fans, Bindi is still being officially classified as human. Says mother Terri “She is still a nine-year-old human being. She is a real girl,” which is comforting – if there’s one thing Terri Irwin knows about, it’s the classification of animal species. Secondly, Bindi is like a Mr Chips for nature-obsessed children. Continues Terri “She takes being a role model seriously, she equates what she does with being a teacher, like her teacher Miss Emma.” Please note, it is highly unlikely Miss Emma is a plump affable middle-aged human tutor with a heart of gold, but rather some kind of hyper-intelligent monitor lizard from Papua New Guinea who communicates with Bindi using a complex combination of tail flicks and text messaging. At best, Miss Emma is a strict but wise orangutan. Australia Zoo only allows four human members of staff on the grounds at the one time, and the merch store requires many human fingers to handle the complex EFTPOS machine. Thirdly, Terri does not want Bindi to grow up feeling different from other children, even though, you know, Bindi is quite rich, famous, lives in a Zoo, and is completely different from pretty much every other child her age. Mrs Irwin was left to launch the doll, which plays recorded messages from Bindi, at a New York toy fair alone after organisers banned children. Bindi and her mother declined a special offer to allow her to attend because other children were unable to see the wonderland of toys. “They said they would make an exception for Bindi, I said ‘No thank you, I don’t want Bindi to grow up being the exception’,” Mrs Irwin said. We fear it will be quite impossible to imagine a room full of kids where Bindi wouldn’t be considered the odd one out, but whatever. Noble sentiments from Terri Irwin. Alright, now we must get to the more disturbing aspects of the article. Bindi saw the dolls, which repeat favourite sayings such as “love it, don’t hurt it”, on Saturday night in New York and told her mother it was every girl’s dream to have their own doll. Bindi’s favourite saying is “love it, don’t hurt it”? We cannot personally come up with anything more horrendous and frightening than the idea of being surprised by a small doll with Bindi Irwin features which repeatedly howls “LOVE IT DON’T HURT IT” in our direction but hey, that’s just us. Bindi’s young brother Robert is the only family member not to have a doll, with dolls of Mrs Irwin and her crocodile hunter husband already on sale. Oh, Bob Bob. You continue to keep it so real. With Bob Bob, it’s all about the conservation, you know? Not the trappings of fame like dolls and spin off rap projects (although we still want Bindi to win the ARIA for Best Urban Release this year) and meddling in Britney Spears’ troubled life. Keep on keepin’ on, Bob Bob. More »