sweary

Gordon ‘F–ken’ Ramsay Gets Sh-tting Spray From His C–ting Ex-Friend, The M—–f–ker.

10:54AM Clem Bastow | Gordon Ramsay, the celebrity chef and television identity that the Australian media likes to remind us is pretty sweary, has probably put a few extra dollars tenners fifties in the swear jar after his former best friend, mentee and bloke-whose-wedding-he-was-best-man-at decided to open up and give Ramsay what for. For what, we are still not particularly sure. His most famous protege and former close friend Marcus Wareing described him as a “sad bastard” whose influence had left him feeling, “trapped and constrained”. [...] Wareing’s comments follow a bitter legal battle over his position running Ramsay’s two-star restaurant Petrus at the Berkeley Hotel in West London. He has spent nine years heading up the kitchen, but in May the hotel announced it wanted to work directly with him, rather than deal with Ramsay’s company. The move has been challenged by Ramsay’s lawyers. Wareing now claims he would rather “kill myself” than work with his mentor again. Wow, choosing suicide over Ramsay? Them’s fightin’ words – two thumbs way up, Wareing! Then again, though our constant use of the cuddlesome photo of Ramsay draped with a widdle baby sheepy is our feeble attempt to stop the Ramsay coverage from being too nasty, it’s probably all true – and he probably slit the lamb’s throat right after the photoshoot and then tossed it on a hot plate. More »

Ben Cousins Wishes The Media Many Happy Returns

12:00PM Clem Bastow | At this time of the year, when we can best expect a few crumbs from the dinner table that is show business, there are a few people we can rely on to keep us amused and up to date. Based on recent events, we can confirm that those people are Britney Spears, Mischa Barton, and… Ben Cousins! There’s nothing much to report in the disgraced Weagle’s corner, other than that he’s been seeing family for Christmas, taking some ski lessons, and: The former AFL star was in fine form at Perth’s domestic airport recently, telling a photographer who wished him Happy Christmas: “Yeah, I hope you get run over by a f…ing car.” Merry Christmas, Ben! God bless us, every one! We’re very glad that Ben is taking his mantle as “AFL bad boy” seriously. Might we suggest for your next trick an involvement in the Heaven’s Gate cult, or perhaps the keeping of wild penguins in your fridge. More »

Honey To The C (U.N.T)

11:24AM Clem Bastow | Another of our favourites, Billie Piper, caught the acting bug whilst playing Rose on Doctor Who and is set to continue her reinvention when Secret Diary Of A Call Girl – based on the saucy bestseller – airs later this month in the UK. Not content to play a high class hooker, Billie will “shock” audiences by pulling out the sweary big guns. Billie Piper is set to prove she’s a big girl now by using the C-word on TV. The 24-year-old, who first found fame as a popstar aged 15, is set to shock with her saucy antics in a role as a high-class hooker – and her foul mouth. Family groups and media watchdogs are suitably upset, but we just love the fact that the Mirror chooses to describe it as Billie being “a big girl now”. Yes, apparently it isn’t getting your period or your license or living alone that shows you’ve grown up, it’s saying “cunt”. Millions of East End slappers are just now crying tears of joy that their womanhood has finally been confirmed. More »