suri cruise

Suri Cruise Escapes With Hard-Fought Victory in Hollywood Baby Power Rankings

6:01AM STV | Because no nursery is complete without a stack of aspirational tabloid fodder, the influence-gatherers at Forbes have revived their gloriously obscene annual survey of “Hollywood’s Hottest Tots.” And this year, after much plotting and Scientological back-room lobbying on her behalf, we’re thrilled to see 2007’s first runner-up Suri Cruise finally usurp Shiloh Jolie-Pitt in a bloody, Gerbers-smeared skirmish for top-toddler supremacy. And, “in a sinking economy,” the editors note competition is only going to get tougher from here: More »

Who’s To Blame For Katie Holmes’s Mysterious Knee Bruises?

8:40AM Defamer Hollywood | While other well-photographed actresses might don a pair of pants to go out if their knees were covered in bruises, Kate Holmes is of a different breed. Not only did Holmes attend a performance of August: Osage County with black-and-blue welts studding her bare legs, she did it while leggings were surely close at hand. Are the bruises the result of a suddenly aggressive Suri, a painful rehearsal for Katie’s Broadway debut, or a niacin-cleansing ritual gone awry? The Daily Mail takes us inside the scene:

The Cutthroat World Of Celebrity Toddler Fashion Just Got A Little More Fierce

7:25AM Molly Friedman | Poor little Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt. Not only does she face a future of scratch marks on her chubby cheeks wielded by notoriously jealous Zahara, but the female half of the Chosen Twins has to compete with older sister Shiloh for a spot on Hollywood’s Best Dressed Little Girls list. OK! has released their juvenile version of Mr. Blackwell’s annual rundown, awarding gold stars to everyone from newborn Harlow Madden, with her “mix between chic and rock,” to 2-year old Shiloh’s ability to “navigate the line between girly glam and tomboy cutting edge.” Yes, well done, Chosen One. What skill and grace it must take to lie back, spit up a few gaga goos, and wait for personal dresser Brad Pitt to equip you with a pricey new cashmere-and-diamond onesie. The rest of the list, including the mag’s pick for #1 most fashionable little doomed diva, after the jump.

Katie, I Think Suri Is Broken. Either That Or The Batteries Are Dying.

4:00AM Defamer Hollywood | More »

Katie Holmes’ Attempt To Flee The Scientology Kingdom: A Tragedy In Three Parts

8:30AM Molly Friedman | Looks like it’s time to reopen the case of Suri Cruise and the Toxic Scientology Bottles. After seeing this photo of Katie Holmes and her tiny dancer, we couldn’t help but notice the presence of an actual sippy cup. Why is this news so glorious? You see, most babies tend to go from nipple to bottle to sippy cup to the wine glass you’re currently holding. But Hubbard’s Parenting Book tells Scientology mums like Holmes to rot their kids’ teeth with honey instead, a method Holmes had been following obediently. But before we could celebrate Suri’s freedom and Katie’s long-awaited rebellion against Overlord Tom and his disco-dancing minions, Cruise suddenly descended on their escape attempt clutching an asbestos-stuffed rabbit that made Suri cry. The dramatic series of events, in pictures, after the jump. More »

Suri Cruise’s Favourite Things: Toxic Bottles, Boys Named Brooklyn And High-Kicking Has-Beens

2:46AM Molly Friedman | We hate to rain on Tom Cruise’s purity parade, but it seems his bundle of Hubbard Formula-chugging joy, Suri Cruise, has gone seriously gaga for two older men. And she’s got the giggles to show it. While babysitting for all three Beckham boys as David bent it like…well, lost to the visiting team, Tom and Katie brought finger-nibbling Suri along to watch. But the blanketed Cruiselette only had eyes for one guy: and he goes by Brooklyn Beckham. Tom did seem more interested in setting up Suri with the littlest Beckham (Cruz Beckham! Just picturing future Scientology couple Suri Cruise and Cruz Beckham likely made Tom’s removable head spin with possibilities), Suri couldn’t keep her eyes off 9-year old Brooklyn. But earlier last week while still in NY, TomKat attended Suri’s favourite musical, and we have a feeling fellow Scientologist John Travolta’s role in the movie version had nothing to do with her ear-to-ear grin while leaving: a certain song-and-dancing Efronabbe got her all shook up… More »

Are Scientology Mums Katie Holmes And Leah Remini Feeding Their Kids Toxic ‘Hubbard’s Formula’?

5:00AM Molly Friedman | We’ve become just about as well-versed as we want to when it comes to the bizarre practices of Scientologists, which run the gamut from silent birth to e-meters. But after hearing that Katie Holmes’ precious little Suri is still on the baby bottle even after turning 2 years old, and that fellow Scientologist mummy Leah Remini’s “sweet witty pain in the ass” 3-year old Sophia still drinks six bottles a night, we discovered some disturbing tales from other members of the cult religion who used “Hubbard’s baby formula,” only to wind up with “thin and colicky” toddlers that had their “baby teeth destroyed” and “screamed themselves to death.” But as the defiant Remini says in this clip, “I could see her drinking a bottle ’til she’s 16.” More details on Hubbard’s toxic formula that was developed using methods from Ancient Rome (!!!) after the jump. More »