Since this seems to have been the week of reader stats "hilarity", I might as well continue the theme and just go for broke until, as our sage Editor once said, it's the weekend and we're free to drink until we fall over.

So, without further ado, I present to you a possible challenge for the Brisbane Times' "Most Mildly Amusing, Like For While-You're-Having-Your-Morning-Coffee-Break-Amusing, Most-Read Articles' crown: step right up, AdelaideNow!

Before any Adelaideans put down their cheese chunks and chardonnay to politely tell me that AdelaideNow is an online-only "paper", I say a polite IT DOESN'T MATTER. There are still people, in Adelaide, furiously clicking on stories like "Sex Romp In Church Confessional".

Keep up the cats, Adelaide, keep them way up!

After Channel Seven's "exciting" medical drama All Saints decided to take medicine into its own hands and insist that Down syndrome babies, like, totally always come from incestuous relationships, understandably they were howled down across the country.

However, the station's apology was deemed inadequate by Down Syndrome Australia, who are now demanding an on-air retraction, otherwise they will pursue legal action against the station.

"Without reservation, to any members of the audience who have found an element of a recent story offensive, Channel Seven apologises," the network said in a statement to The Age.

However, Down Syndrome Australia said Seven had not contacted the organisation and blasted their apology as insufficient.

"We're not going to accept a wishy-washy attempt at an apology that's come second-hand through a newspaper," Down Syndrome Victoria's Catherine McAlpine told ninemsn.

"They must say once and for all that there is categorically no link between Down syndrome and incest.

"We'll give them the opportunity to make a retraction during tonight's episode before we formally pursue legal advice and write official letters of complaint to the show's advertisers."

Fair enough, really. You can never overestimate the intelligence of viewers of shows like All Saints; last time they did a Census it found 83% of All Saints viewers thought they were watching a hospital documentary.

Next thing you know, All Saints will be featuring storylines about how this woman who lived down the street got a scratch on her arm, and it swelled up, and it was really itchy, and it got bigger and bigger, and she went to the doctor and said "Look at this scratch on my arm", and the doctor said "Let me have a look at it", and then he put a scalpel on it, and then all these baby spiders came out, and then she died The End.

One television trend that hasn't really made its way to Australia yet (unless you count The Bush Tucker Man) is the whole extreme survival movement. The Brits eat it right up, what with their endless supply of Super Army Soldiers and landscape full of bogs, rivers, snow and wild beasts ready to be turned into edge-of-your-seat Sunday evening viewing.

Well, both BBC and Channel Four have their own takes on the theme, and now the Beeb's survival bloke, Ray Mears, has called Channel Four's - the excellently named former SAS action man Bear Grylls; that's him eating the fish with what appears to be extra t-sauce - nothing more than a pretender.

This was my favourite bit of the slanging match:

Last summer, 33- year- old Grylls was criticised over revelations that his existence during filming his series Born Survivor had been more comfortable than the programme suggested.

Read More »

Yes, yes, I know there's nothing particularly big nor clever about laughing when online newspapers cock up in the photo department, but today's effort by the clowns at the "New Look!" Daily Mail are clearly so bewildered by said "New Look!" with all its Flash bells and whistles that they've let their job get the better of them.

To wit, some of the highlights from the "Femail Today" sidebar on this (incidentally equally amusing) story:

Yes, exactly how does Jennifer Aniston feel about John Mayer's continued gobbling of the famous little blue diamonds? Is his body still a wonderland?

Blue indeed - this is a new look for Portman and Scott Thomas, and don't they look thrilled with it. Meanwhile, Eric Bana plays referee in the middle of the two, in case they start a bitch fight over turning up in the same dress.

And finally, my favourite...

Just look at them, pumping out their hits. Gay disco indeed - do these girls know how to party or what?!

Incompetent staffers of one of the world's worst newspapers, on this frosty morning in May: I salute you.

The News Ltd stable of newspapers loves nothing more than a rave, preferably an "illegal" one, to spice up their news coverage.

It means they can waffle on about ecstasies and "party drugs" and, as they did here, reporters can memorably quote forum members' reactions using only their screen-names ("Ralph Wiggum reported slabs of Smirnoff spirit-based drinks were selling for $240, and cans of spirits for $10") because they are too scared of "ravers" to actually find some in real life and interview them (you know, they might put drugs in your drink!).

So, we were pleased to see the latest installment in this fine tradition of journalistic excellence and moral guardianship:

Hundreds of "stupid" partygoers danced millimetres from death at an underground dance party held at the base of a seaside cliff in Sydney's east, police say.

...

Police Rescue Acting Sergeant Col Benton said it took two hours to evacuate 300 revellers over large slippery boulders and up one long ladder for their own safety. No one was injured.

...

"A number of the people were intoxicated in moderate to heavy states, both with alcohol and illegal drugs."

People at a rave were intoxicated? Good lord, these people are stupider than we first thought!

As one thread on dance forums InTheMix suggested, how about a rave at Herald Sun HQ?

In news that suggests none of these people have ever played with an action figure, the Homicide Survivors Association has called for a Mattel action figure series - Naruto - to be banned from sale, and the Tele has coined our new favourite potential band name in the process: "ninja stab toy".

In one hand it holds a knife and its arms are programmed only to punch and stab. An accessory range of weapons - including throwing stars with leg holsters - is also available.

Homicide Survivors Association founder Peter Rolfe said the toys taught children a very dangerous lesson.

"I think there's a link between playing with these toys and violent behaviour later."

Have these dudes heard of Batman/TMNT/He-Man/She-Ra...? Why single out this particular toy? We used to throw our Barbie dolls off the roof and then pour red ink all over their 'corpses', and we turned out fine!

In any case, a casual glance of the toy-con forums reveals that there is a much clearer reason to ban Naruto action figures from sale. Quoth "Gunbuster718", in the Toy News International forum,

Bad Articulation. Mattel, it's the 2000s, use ball joint crotches!!

They messed up my favorite character in the lineup, Zabuza. He looks like Robert Smith dressed up as Brock from Pokemon dressed up as Zabuza.

Checkmate, Mattel, checkmate.