We rarely like to take a mental walk down memory lane when it comes to the Most Nauseating Celebrity Hookups of all time, but news of the latest addition has unfortunately led us to revisit the grotesque list. We've already seen Liza Minelli and Phantom Of The Plastic Surgery Ward David Gest exchange saliva, Star Jones give Al an awkward lap dance and guiltily pleasured ourselves by witnessing wrinkly charmer Hugh Hefner and his thin lips attach themselves to the Girls Next Door. But after reading about one beach yoga-practicing, SUV-abandoning actor known for generally annoying everyone in Hollywood, and one scratchy-voiced "punk" rock chick known for generally hating everyone in Hollywood playing tongue twister in LA this past Tuesday, we may have a winner. The canoodlers in question, and just how far they went, after the jump:

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· Today, an Oprah you simply cannot afford to miss: Watch as she, Gayle, Kelly Ripa's husband, and some other lady try to reach a consensus over when, exactly, Mariah Carey knew she was going to marry Nick Cannon. We know! We told you! [Oprah]
· Speaking of Mariah—just when it seemed her week couldn't get any better...[BBC]
· Gary Dourdan was officially charged with possession of heroin, cocaine and ecstasy, today. All of which he claims belonged to someone else. [Reuters]
· This just in! Amy Winehouse is out on bail after her recent drug-related arrest. She tried to claim they weren't hers, too, but Scotland Yard said, "No, no, no." LOL! [Guardian]
· Alan Rosenberg: The SAG talks have broken down. The livelihoods of thousands of working actors falls in your hands. So tell us...WHAT WAS MILEY THINKING?! [ca.reuters.com]
· The View is the catfight incubator that just keeps on giving. [Us Magazine]

The ladies of The View had a lengthy meta-conversation all about the "very beautiful!" and "sexy!" photos of their own Barbara Walters in this month's Vanity Fair. And while they do point out the photo spread's accompanying excerpt from Walters' new memoir Auditions, and Babs does allude to tales of past "lovahs," she fails to mention (until Oprah makes her next week) just how tantalising some of those pages are. As today's preview in the NY Daily News reveals, Walters was involved in a long-term affair with an African-American senator back in the swingin' 70s. And from the sound of it, the affair was far spicier than all those Adrian Lyne movies about adultery:

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After three-and-a-half years of wardrobe-sharing bliss, standing side-by-side through the good times (the Branded Wedding of the Century, brought to you by 1-800-Flowers, Smirnoff Ice, and the Portugal Tourism Board) and the bad (her Barbara Walters-issued View death warrant), ETOnline is now reporting that Star Jones has filed for divorce from husband Al Reynolds. From their Star! On! Her! Own! Exclusive!:

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· Wasn't it only yesterday that they announced Star Jones' show was getting dumped? These TruTV people work fast.
· Our wishlist for the guy to fill William Katt's tights in the Greatest American Hero movie, in order of desirability : John Krasinksi, Steve Zahn, Willie Aames, Justin Timberlake. (Please, Will Ferrell, let this one go.)
· This is what your condo will look like if you choose to pay a sure-to-be obscene sum to live in the new Grove in Glendale.
· Orderlies at UCLA psych ward are now apparently transcribing Britney Spears' calls for TMZ.
· We agree with Rambo Review Kid: Shitdicknipples kind of sucks.

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· NBC Universal's Conanfield has reinvigorated the moribund monologue-monster-attack genre! A triumph!
· The Bachelor's most memorable season finale dumpee gets a second chance at fake-love.
· Star Jones has been "rebranded" right out of a job.
· Isabella Rossellini has moved on to bug porn. [via BoingBoing]
· This year's Super Bowl ads will be "gentle and sweet"; except, you know, for that one where Justin Timberlake gets repeatedly smashed in the junk.

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Star Jones, too often the lone voice of sanity to be found on basic cable programming dedicated to the celebrity-related legal issues of the day, has a point: We don't know much of anything about the ongoing investigation of the sexual assault accusations made against David Copperfield beyond the stream of gossip being leaked to the media by shadowy "sources within the FBI." So unless an official spokesperson from the Bureau comes forth to announce the case-making evidence discovered when agents pried apart the mysterious crate in the magician's Las Vegas warehouse stamped TOP SECRET BAHAMIAN RAPE TRICK: DO NO OPEN!!!, we should all give Copperfield the benefit of the doubt and stop wasting our lives on the kind of gossipy speculation Jones has abhorred ever since being ejected from The View.

• Star Jones [CourtTV]

· We realise we left many of you hanging last week when we posted the shocking clip in which the beloved Olly Girls of Sunset Tan were let go for failing to fully commit to their accelerator-pimping duties. As this Yo on E! clip plainly shows, however, the girls are in good spirits, and ready for whatever spray-on-nozzle-clearing challenges lie ahead.
· Drew Carey waxes philosophical about suddenly finding himself in a game show ghetto.
· Now it's Virgie Arthur vs. Howard K. Stern on the Anna Nicole Sue-Go-Round.
· Every lyric from Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire," explained with a hyperlink.
· No, your eyes are not deceiving you. That's Barbara Walters making out with Star Jones on a New York city street!

On the premiere of her new Court TV show today, Star Jones invited Isaiah Washington to again discuss how a vast conspiracy behind the scenes at Grey's Anatomy forced him to blurt out the term "faggot" at an inopportune moment, ultimately leading to his dismissal from the series. But just when you thought the actor's serial silence-breakings had covered every angle, an all-new football metaphor helped to shed yet more light on the always scintillating subject of Washington's victimhood:

Washington: There's a technique called the crack back designed to cut you off at the knees before you can respond to it. Jones: What happens when you do not evade the "crack back?"

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From the "no shit, Sherlock" department, Star Jones Reynolds is finally confessing what anyone with half an eye and a brain cell already knew: that her 70 kilogram weight loss was due to gastric bypass surgery. After spending years denying that she went that route, in an upcoming Glamour column Star seems to gloss over the magnitude of that whole messy lying in favour of playing the insecurity card:

Why the delay in speaking up? "First, I didn't know if the surgery would work," she writes in the first-person essay. "I had spent my entire adult life telling everyone that I was fine with the way I looked. I never thought I'd have to explain it. "But the complete truth is, I was scared of what people might think of me."

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