stalkers

David Caruso Apparently Just Moody Because of His Fugitive Austrian Stalker

3:50AM Defamer Hollywood | Scratch an egomaniac and you’re sure to find a sensitive soul just a sincere hug or two away from a healthy, humanitarian lifestyle. At least that’s our read on ginger terror David Caruso, whose tyranny on the set of CSI: Miami can only come from a place of haunted concern for something larger than himself — say, perhaps, upholding the dramatic tradition of sunglasses-removal, or, if we are to believe the civilian investigation to which we were tipped this morning, the whereabouts of a fugitive stalking suspect he (and reportedly the FBI) might prefer to see located sooner than later. More »

Uma Thurman’s ‘Happy Stalked Actress Day’ Card: A Defamer Recreation

9:42AM Seth | After reading the vivid description of a greeting card plucked from the “Friendship – Stalked Actress” section of his local Hallmark store and presented by noted creep Jack Jordan to Uma Thurman on the steps of her My Super Ex-Girlfriend trailer, all we wanted was to catch a glimpse of the heavily-doodled correspondence. Sadly, none seemed to exist. No matter: We simply asked the talented team over at Defamer’s Evidence-Recreation Dept. to whip us up this stunning facsimile, based upon Thurman’s detailed testimony. We think you’ll find it a satisfactory approximation of the original, down to the last ACME razor blade and “tee-hee.” Uma Thurman’s Stalker Wooed Her With Doodled Harbingers Of Stick-Figure Doom [Defamer] More »

Uma Thurman’s Stalker Wooed Her With Doodled Harbingers Of Stick-Figure Doom

8:15AM Molly Friedman | It’s safe to say that every celebrity, even Artie Lange, has their fair share of fans with crushes on them. But when the celebrity in question happens to be the Amazonian Tarantino muse Uma Thurman, this group of lovey-dovey fans will naturally include at least a few nutcases. Enter Jack Jordan, the soft-spoken schizo whose stalking enterprise we filled you in on earlier this week. But today, on the third day of his trial in New York, the actress finally took the stand herself to deliver her testimony. As the NY Times reports, Thurman began by describing a card Jordan had delivered to her trailer while she was filming My Super Ex-Girlfriend: On the front was a dreamy pastel store-bought image of a small blonde girl, a spray of pink flowers and a dove…On the back was a crude pen and ink drawing of a male stick figure walking off the edge of an Acme razor blade into an open grave. But Jordan’s doodles came with thought balloons! And fragmented romantic dialogue! More after the jump: More »

Super Army Soldiers Protect Harry Potter

10:13AM Clem Bastow | All those magic spells and curses are evidently no match for a good old fashioned psycho – it seems Daniel Radcliffe has really arrived as a celebrity, thanks to having been issued death threats. Poor Daniel – who looks anxious enough in his natural resting state, so we hate to think what this may be doing to his nerves – has apparently been assigned a personal security team comprised of ex-SAS soldiers, just in case any deranged fans try to rough him up. The 18-year-old star is filming Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and although the nature of the threat – which was received via Warner Bros. who are producing the movie – is unclear, bosses aren’t prepared to take any chances. … Daniel has now been given a “chase car” which follows the vehicle in which he is travelling in case of emergency. The source said of the SAS guards: “They are all experts in evasive driving, threat assessment and close protection. This isn’t about keeping an eye out for the paparazzi – these guys are looking for something far more sinister.” Maybe they are looking out for… VOLDEMORT?! Ahem, sorry, we bet he hasn’t heard that one before! In any case, in the unlikely event that something “sinister” does befall young Radcliffe, we’re sure Frankie Muniz would be more than happy to step in and finish up the franchise. More »

‘Man-Band’ Age No Barrier To Take That Stalkers

1:16PM Clem Bastow | Dear old Take That; first they’re in the wars because they can’t do the splits or breakdance like they once could, now they’re being chased by lithe young 20-somethings. Which would be all well and good, were it not for the fact that said 20-something is a crazed fan, and so suddenly their visions of comely virgins become nightmares of Stacey from Wayne’s World. Father-of-two Gary Barlow, 36, and Jason Orange, 37, were already in bed when she moved in just after midnight. Mark, 35, who has one son, went out for a smoke and the girl followed him to chat. Our source adds: “Then he told her he was off to bed and she made a dash for the lift. She looked crazed and refused to get out so he yelled for security. “In the end she was thrown out of the hotel and that was that.” Howard Donald, 39, a father-of-two who suffered a collapsed lung after a strenuous dance move on the tour, told a friend: “That girl was mad. She shouldn’t have drunk so much.” A hotel spokesman said it was all handled by the band’s tour managers. It’s good to see that some pop stars know how to act their age… Nice to see The Mirror managing to get one last stab at the granddads of the reunion circuit. Back for good? Back for seconds at the seniors’ community lunch buffet, more like! More »

Celebrity Stalker Dessarae Bradford Back With A Deeply Unsettling Vengeance

6:05AM Defamer Hollywood | If you, like us, have at times found yourself wondering what ever happened to Dessarae Bradford, author of I Fucked Alec Baldwin In His Ass (a Quality Paperback Bookclub Selection of the Month™!), guerrilla ambusher of Tonight Show appearances, and, with the recent publication of Colin Farrell: A Dark Twisted Puppy, quickly becoming one of the most prolific celebrity-stalking fruitcake authoresses in recent history – well, then, this is your lucky day. A press release has landed in our inbox from Dessarae herself, updating us to the various exciting projects in development at her production company, based out of an air conditioning exhaust vent behind the 99¢ Only store at Wilshire and Fairfax. A mere taste: More »

Overly Enthused Fan Ordered To Keep Her Deadly Mercedes Away From The Bullocks

9:35AM Defamer Hollywood | We suppose the delicate balance of trust forged between celebrities and their adoring, chemically imbalanced stalkers was breached at the precise moment when Sandra Bullock’s current obsessor, Marcia Diana Valentine, attempted to run over her husband Jesse James “three or four times” with her silver Mercedes in the couple’s driveway. (Topic for discussion: Is the stalking class getting wealthier?) Bullock made sure to show up to a court date in the O.C. in person today – see her walking into and out of the hearing here! – where a judge granted her a restraining order: Actress Sandra Bullock on Friday won a three-year restraining order against a woman she said had tossed animal fur over her gate, left woven palm fronds in her yard and tried to run down her husband. The “Miss Congeniality” star told a court in the Orange County city of Westminster that the woman, identified as Marcia Diana Valentine, had left the fronds, complete with “weird signs”, and “pieces of animal fur” in her yard on five occasions. More »