Unless it pertains to Wayne Carey doing something sinister or Shane Warne sending a hilarious text message, you'll notice that we're not exactly sports mad here at Defamer Australia. However, at least in the case of your Associate Editor, I do make exceptions for the Tour De France, and feel it's only right to bring you the news that local lad Cadel Evans (pictured with a special friend) has pulled on the Yellow Jersey in the famous road race. Anything else would be practically un-Australian.

In other words, those of you who don't follow cycling, go make your coffee now:

Cadel Evans became the fifth Australian to claim the Tour de France leader's yellow jersey after finishing eighth in the 10th stage in the Pyrenees won by Leonardo Piepoli (Saunier Duval), of Italy.

In a spectacular display of courage after sustaining severe cuts and bruises to his left side in a high speed clash in Sunday's ninth stage, Evans (Silence-Lotto) now leads the Tour by the smallest margin.

Breathe, you made it. Let's hold each other for a bit...

...Wanna make out a bit, too?

No, I didn't think so.

Not long after Swimming Australia told its young charges that they were not to post any more naughty snaps on their PERSONAL Facebook pages (evidently a bit of mind control a day helps swimmers work, rest, and play), the News Ltd trolls have been raiding the Facebook and MySpace galleries of just about every other young sporto in Australia - and the results are hilarious!

You can see the Tele's gallery here, but head over the jump for a few of our favourites.

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Choc is back, yo!

The titleholder stepped out of his Hummer, strode into his own bar for the weigh-in for tonight's world title fight, and then flashed $15,000 in cash and used it as a fan to cool himself.

And if Mundine's intimidation tactics don't work and he happens to lose this evening's match, he can always return to his other career... appearing in the music videos of various Australian artists.

Fingers crossed he doesn't smear poo on his contact lenses before tonight's bout.

Hot on the heels of the blissfully romantic news last week that absence had indeed made the heart grow fonder when it came to the relationship between cricketer Michael Clarke and Lara "Waaaaait, Marriage Mean La-La No Touch? Me Confoozed!" Bingle, we've now been informed that the batsman credits Lara with making him want to be a better man, or some As Good As It Gets-esque rubbish along those lines.

Young gun Michael Clarke revealed yesterday he wants to be Australia's next Test captain - and he credited model girlfriend Lara Bingle with giving his life fresh purpose.

Clarke, speaking for the first time about his 12-month relationship with Bingle, said he is a better batsman because he has never been happier off the field.

Clarke believes his romance with the Cronulla model, who shot to national fame after she starred in Tourism Australia's controversial Where The Bloody Hell Are You? campaign, is helping drive him to become a better cricketer and a better person.

"I think the person I am now, it's got a lot to do with Lara and theres no doubt that's the truth," he said.

"I'm certainly the first guy to say that if you are happy off the field it shows in your cricket.

"I'm wrapped with my life at the moment and I'm really, really happy and I think that will come across in my cricket.

Unless Christo has quietly made his way to Oz and begun wrapping Michael Clarke and his house/car/workplace, we can't help but suspect the Daily Telegraph meant to write that Clarke was "rapt" with his life. But what do we know?

"Seeing somebody like Lara certainly makes me happy I have something to look forward to when I get home."

"Seeing" makes sense. We never assumed "talking" to somebody like Lara would bring too much joy to a person's life, but we suppose just staring at her half-naked body would be okay, if she promised to keep her thoughts to herself.

The Daily Telegraph published an article this morning about a rugby team who simply refuses to give up. The Wollondilly White Waratahs woman's rugby side is yet to score on the field, although we suspect this may not be the case once a few Bundy Rums have been knocked back after the game.

Sport's most courageous team of battlers produced their best performance of the season in going down 72-0 to Wollongong at Wilton in New South Wales on Saturday.

Going down 72-0 is an impressive statistic by anyone's standards.

No, we're not quite sure what that means either. But we're fairly certain one is meant to make many nudge nudge wink wink jokes when discusses lady footballers/hockey players/cricket players, and this article uses the words "going down" so IT'S NOT LIKE WE HAD ANY CHOICE, PEOPLE.

Thankfully in this case, it appears the police have had a chat to Wallaby stars Lote Tuqiri and Matt Dunning for, oh, no reason in particular.

The Australian Rugby Union has denied that Wallabies players were involved in or witnessed an assault in Brisbane's CBD which has left a taxi driver in hospital.

However, they confirmed police have spoken to two players, believed to be Lote Tuqiri and Matt Dunning.

Brisbane Broncos fullback Karmichael Hunt was also reportedly present at the hotel, but has not been linked to the incident.

So they didn't witness it, and they weren't involved in any way... Why are the police speaking to them then? Are they just huge Union fans, wanting an insiders perspective on Eddie Jones' defection to the Springboks?

No, friends.

We suspect strongly that Tuqiri and Dunning are in fact blessed by the gift of being born psychic mediums. Think of them as two really fucking built Patricia Arquettes. Or alternatively, Alexis Arquette in green and gold garb doubled. The law has turned to this adorable pair of spiritual investigators in an effort to crack a difficult case, and if any of the networks had half a lick of sense amongst them, they'd get a camera crew following the duo around town as they work their magic both on and off the field, and broadcast it during next year's ratings season under the title Tuqiri & Dunning - Psychic Criminal Investigation Unit.

FIN.

This from news.com.au.

Rhain Davis went to Manchester in pursuit of his dream. Yesterday he was the toast of all England. The nine-year-old Australian boy came to the attention of soccer giant Manchester United after his grandfather sent the club DVD footage of him. The Sun newspaper already thinks highly of his prospects, promoting him to the front page, his story read by 10 million people.

The story was then detailed inside Britain's biggest selling newspaper on pages normally reserved for serious news - pages four and five.

"Wonder kid Rhain Davis was signed by Manchester United after stunned scouts viewed a DVD featuring his mesmerising skills," it said. By the fifth paragraph, however, the Poms had already begun the groundwork to claim him as their own.

"And the good news is that he could one day play for England as he has a UK passport through his mother's side," it said.

Typical British. Although if memory serves, the Australian press similarly attempted to claim New Zealand child actress Keisha Castle-Hughes as one of ours once she was nominated for an Oscar, then quickly gave her back to the Kiwis when she got pregnant at 16.

In any case, here's some footage of Rhain doing his thang.

We don't know much about football, but we're fairly sure Rhain's "skillz" can safely be considered "mad".

Operating Thetan Level VIII x a million Tom Cruise is apparently planning on purchasing Los Angeles soccer/football (we are trying to make everyone happy here, goddamn it) ensemble LA Galaxy, which just happens to be BFF David Beckham's new team.

Tom Cruise is reportedly launching a $100 million takeover bid of friend David Beckham's new soccer club. The Hollywood actor is a huge soccer fan and wants to give his financial backing to the Los Angeles Galaxy.

A source said: "To have Tom's backing would be amazing - there's no way Galaxy bosses would turn down that opportunity." Beckham signed for Galaxy this January on a reported $350 million five-year deal although he doesn't start playing for them until next month. Cruise watched Beckham at Real Madrid's home ground the Bernabeu on Sunday to see the Spanish team win the league title.

We are sure Tom will take a "hands on" management approach should his purchasing bid wind up being successful, and we've no doubt the team will be thrilled about the inclusion of regular e-metering during training sessions.