sour grapes

So You Think You Can Dance Australia Round-Up: Blame The Choreographers

2:01PM Clem Bastow | Booted So You Think You Can Dance Australia contestant and beanpole Anthony Ikin has come out sooking following his ‘eviction’, reckoning that were it not for dodgy choreography, he’d still be in the contest. (We’d say something here about the INTENSE sexual tension between Ikin and The Bass on Monday night, but we think our picture – above – speaks for itself, particularly if you listen to Somewhere while you look at it. “Theeeeere’s aaaaa plaaaace for uuuussss…”) Apart from a handful of solo performances, the former sport aerobics champion is peeved that he never really got a routine he could sink his teeth into thanks to some less than earth-shattering choreography. More »

‘So You Think You Can Dance Australia’ Round Up: “Hideous”!

9:35AM Clem Bastow | You’ve probably noticed that we’ve been a little reticent when it’s come to our ‘regular’ coverage of So You Think You Can Dance Australia the last week or so. As much as it pains us to admit it, since we’re not fans of cultural cringe, we’ve been feeling that the local version of our favourite talent quest ever is, well, a bit shit. The set looks reasonably swish, and there have been a few good moments, but generally, it feels stilted, the camera-work remains perplexingly fearful of close-ups and the dancers themselves… well, they’re just not good enough! Fortunately for our bruised hearts, we’re not alone in our assessment of the show – choreographer Meryl Tankard has spoken out about Ten’s great hope for 2008, and it’s probably safe to say she’s not a massive fan. “It’s a hideous show, I think it’s just terrible,” Tankard said. “It’s good I guess that it gets people thinking about dance, but it’s not really dance.” Now a world renowned choreographer, Tankard began her career as a dancer with the Australian Ballet in 1975. Her latest production, Sydney Dance Company’s Inuk 2, will premiere on March 29. Tankard also questioned what the contestants would get out of the TV series, hosted by Natalie Bassingthwaighte, and if it would help their careers. “It’s a reality show, it’s not a dance show,” she said. “They have those poor kids up all night and they get tired and they cry. “I don’t even know where those sort of dancers dance.” Tankard rejected offers to work on the show, which has been a ratings winner for a Ten, drawing in up to 1.8m viewers. We’re inclined to agree – and we’re also interested to read that Tankard was offered the chance to get involved with the show, as we’ve been noting particular choreographers’ conspicuous absence from the SYTYCDAus galaxy. No Tankard, no Graeme Murphy, no Gideon Obarzanek, no Dein Perry, no Stephen Page… Hell, surely they could’ve even coughed up to fly Wade Robson back to his hometown? If they were desperate they could’ve even picked up Deanne “Call On Me” Berry for a ring-in. At least they’ve got Jason Gilkinson, but so many of the other choreographers have been criticised for the routines they’ve created (a la Sunday’s capoeira “dance”), with Jason prone to telling the dancers “It’s not your fault”, that you have to wonder why they’re still working for the show. As for the ridiculous genre mash-ups the show seems to be fond of – “swap”? “Soul swing”?? – it’s no wonder most choreographers are running a mile in the opposite direction. More than anything, though, we think what needs to be really sorted out on the topic of SYTYCDAus is the hair and make-up: No one needs to see that shit. More »

You Know Your Reality Talent Quest Is In Trouble When Even The Nice, Charitable Christian Says It’s Boring

6:55PM Clem Bastow | Guy Sebastian has bitten the hand that fed him his “stardom” all those years ago, joining in the increasingly loud chorus of detractors who reckon this year’s Australian Idol was the worst so far. Obviously none of these people are wrong, per se, but Guy? We thought he’d be the last person to chime in. And he hasn’t stopped at providing some gentle, Christian constructive criticism, going so far as to declare this season “boring“. How the mighty have fallen! Guy, what did they do to you in Memphis?? “There were a lot of people who were quite calculated in their use of the show and quite blatantly used it to get a platform for their careers,” Sebastian said. “I think because of that, some of the essence of the show was lost.” “There were some people who just … kept sticking to their same styles week in, week out, which is a bit boring and self-indulgent.” Hmm, Guy, could you be talking about fellow churchgoers Matt Corby and Ben McKenzie, perchance? He does have a point, though – what with his springing from Stevie Wonder to Prince to, er, Rogers and Hammerstein, the last thing you could have described Guy’s Idol running sheet as would have been “boring”! More »

Spice Girl Who Never Was Sez She Would’ve Been The Best Of All Of Them

3:26PM Clem Bastow | Funny how Lianne Morgan – aka the one you didn’t even know was dumped from the Spice Girls before they made it big – didn’t think to say anything about her failed shot at pop stardom until a) the Spicies were on their mega-selling reunion world tour and b) she was launching her website and downloadable songs, isn’t it? Yes, Morgan, who was in the initial lineup of the group before being booted for Mel C, has aired her displeasure at not having been given a chance at stardom because she was apparently “too old” at 23, and thinks she had the best voice of any of them. The hopefuls were whittled down to five – Lianne, Victoria, Geri, Mel B and Michelle Stephenson – who would soon be sacked and replaced by Emma Bunton. Lianne was not immediately impressed with her new band. “We sounded like a cat’s choir,” she said. But, still excited, she swapped numbers with the rest of the girls and headed back to Wales to wait for her pop career to take off. A month later she received a letter telling her she was too old for the group and was replaced by Sporty Spice Melanie Chisholm, who was three years younger. “I cried for days,” she said. “I couldn’t understand how I could be too old, when I was the same age as Geri.” Well, we don’t want to be mean or anything, but could it possibly have been something to do with her sense of personal style at the time? In any case, if she is such an amazing vocalist, we’ll be watching www.liannemorgan.co.uk with keen interest over the next few weeks. No doubt the Spice Girls will be dropped from their record label as this new singing superstar is rocketed straight to the top! More »

Boyzone’s Comeback Party Spoiled By Indian-Giver Mika

11:50AM Clem Bastow | Imagine for a moment that you’re a member of Boyzone: you’ve never really been that well regarded, despite cracking covers of Father And Son and Baby Can I Hold You Tonight. You were never the cutest nor the youngest, and there probably aren’t that many people who would be genuinely excited if you got back together – at least, not as excited as they got about Take That. Imagine, then, that you managed to nab a killer comeback track, written by one of the current buzz kids, and that it all seemed to be falling into place. Now imagine that said buzz kid is Mika and, being a sooky sooky la la, he decided you couldn’t record the song he’d offered for anyone to record after all. Spare a thought for the Oirish lads, because it’s all true. Mika penned the song, called I Gave It All Away, for other acts to buy and release. But after Boyzone recorded it the Grace Kelly star decided they were “too cheesy” — and BANNED their version. An industry insider told me: “Mika wrote the song and made it available for other artists. Boyzone loved it. They thought it was perfect to launch their comeback so they recorded it and it sounded great — a certain No1. …Boyzone — who had a No1 single with When The Going Gets Tough in 1999 — have been left gutted. A spokesman for the band said: “It’s a real shame because it’s an incredible song and we all loved it.” Doesn’t that last little quote just kill you? Can’t you see Boyzone crying into their Guinness and brown bread in a dank Dublin pub, Ronan putting a fatherly arm around Stephen Gately and saying, “Don’t cry, little one. We’ll get us a comeback single if it’s the last thing I do!” Mika should be ashamed of himself and may the leprechauns haunt his dreams. More »

Big Bad Ian Brown Spoils Kylie’s Q Party

10:39AM Clem Bastow | Perhaps cross that he was considered a “legend” and not an “idol” in the estimations of Q Magazine, Stone Rose Ian Brown has had a big old whinge at the Q Awards ceremony, specifically about Our Kylie (who was there to pick up her Q Idol statuette). Turns out sooky Ian – who, we might add, hasn’t recorded much of note lately – reckons Kylie’s music isn’t much chop. He told the BBC Radio Five Live: “I don’t know what Kylie’s doing at a music awards to be honest. “I don’t think she’s cute. I don’t think she’s good-looking. Her music’s rubbish – she makes music for little kids. “I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m putting her down, but there’s a lot of great minds out there making music and she’s not one of them.” After saying “I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m putting her down” and then laying into Kyles, it is thought Brown followed up by saying “I’m not racist, but there are too many immigrants in my part of town” and “You’re really fat; no offense, but it’s true”. More »