socialites

The Ongoing Saga Of The Surfer And The Supermodel Reaches New, Sweary Heights

10:57AM Clem Bastow | In an effort to become more like NW, we told you the other day about the love triangle of Taj Burrows, Cheyenne Tozzi and Brandon Davis; well, now we have pro-surfer Burrows’ stance on the whole thing – which, it turns out, is a whole lot of *$#@!! (And no, we’ve not stopped swearing all of a sudden, we just like the old comic-book technique when it comes to accurately describing a particularly foulmouthed outburst.) The surfer dude poured his heart out to wave mag Stab, proving that gnarly tube-riders have feelings too, dude. Cowabunga. More »

Taj Wipes Out Cheyenne; We Do Not Know Any Other Surfing Terms With Which To Make The Witty Puns

11:26AM Clem Bastow | In a decision he will possibly live to regret, pro-surfer Taj Burrows has dumped “Our” Cheyenne Tozzi, celebutante and model, the blonde swimwear pony has revealed in a shoot and interview with GQ. Evidently Burrows wasn’t too keen to get any of Brandon “Oily Peanut Butter Man” Davis’ grease on him after Cheyenne was spotted lunching with the US heir-about-town. “Taj and I broke up – he’s an easy-minded pro-surfer and didn’t need the extra shit in his head. I said: ‘Look I know those pictures look damning…”‘ Just think, Taj, now the grease monster will be free to drape his sweaty paws all over your pretty Shire princess. Is this how you pictured your adult life when you were a child? IS IT? More »

Normally Money-Hungry Social Climber Remarkably Stops Short Of Rummaging In Stool Sample For £10,000 Diamond

9:15AM Clem Bastow | We realise that Tara Palmer-Tomkinson is probably a foreign name to anyone who isn’t the most ardent Tatler reader (though she occasionally turns up as filler in “PERILOUSLY SKINNY STARS” style stories in NW), but this little piece was too good to pass up. We’ll let Tara do the talking. “A man took me out to dinner in Paris and he put the diamond in the chocolate pudding. But he had too much to drink, he forgot to tell me it was there, I ate the whole pudding. So it wasn’t really my fault.” And despite being advised to watch out for its re-emergence from her body, Tara decided to forget about it. “Well it wasn’t a solitaire,” she laughed. We’re sure this will lead to Tara telling potential suitors that she’s so classy she poos jewels, but it just makes us think of the old “you’re such a tight arse that if you swallowed coal you’d shit diamonds” line. Which is probably fairly accurate, anyway. More »