Remember how Jake Wall and Jennifer Hawkins were baffled and slightly amused to hear the Tele announce that Jake had apparently been macking with a socialite that no one had ever heard of, especially Jake?

Well, what a surprise to see that Ali Langworthy has posed for a nice, shiny picture and done an interview to clear the air - presumably so we all know who she is, and there'll be no more confusion! Particularly when the invite lists for openings and celebrity parties are being drafted!

Langworthy, 19, says she does not even know Wall and has one message for Hawko. "I'm really sorry Jen, but it wasn't me," she told NEWS.com.au.

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In an effort to become more like NW, we told you the other day about the love triangle of Taj Burrows, Cheyenne Tozzi and Brandon Davis; well, now we have pro-surfer Burrows' stance on the whole thing - which, it turns out, is a whole lot of *$#@!!

(And no, we've not stopped swearing all of a sudden, we just like the old comic-book technique when it comes to accurately describing a particularly foulmouthed outburst.)

The surfer dude poured his heart out to wave mag Stab, proving that gnarly tube-riders have feelings too, dude. Cowabunga.

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In a decision he will possibly live to regret, pro-surfer Taj Burrows has dumped "Our" Cheyenne Tozzi, celebutante and model, the blonde swimwear pony has revealed in a shoot and interview with GQ.

Evidently Burrows wasn't too keen to get any of Brandon "Oily Peanut Butter Man" Davis' grease on him after Cheyenne was spotted lunching with the US heir-about-town.

"Taj and I broke up - he's an easy-minded pro-surfer and didn't need the extra shit in his head. I said: 'Look I know those pictures look damning..."'

Just think, Taj, now the grease monster will be free to drape his sweaty paws all over your pretty Shire princess.

Is this how you pictured your adult life when you were a child? IS IT?

We realise that Tara Palmer-Tomkinson is probably a foreign name to anyone who isn't the most ardent Tatler reader (though she occasionally turns up as filler in "PERILOUSLY SKINNY STARS" style stories in NW), but this little piece was too good to pass up.

We'll let Tara do the talking.

"A man took me out to dinner in Paris and he put the diamond in the chocolate pudding. But he had too much to drink, he forgot to tell me it was there, I ate the whole pudding. So it wasn't really my fault."

And despite being advised to watch out for its re-emergence from her body, Tara decided to forget about it.

"Well it wasn't a solitaire," she laughed.

We're sure this will lead to Tara telling potential suitors that she's so classy she poos jewels, but it just makes us think of the old "you're such a tight arse that if you swallowed coal you'd shit diamonds" line.

Which is probably fairly accurate, anyway.