· Nothing makes Olympic champion gymnast Shawn Johnson's taco pop like the zingy taste of Ortega salsa. Beat that, bro! [YouTube]
· We'd like to introduce you now to Pixie Leah and Darth Wicket, who are both on the losing end of an intergalactic battle to retain their dignity. [YouTube]
· We're concerned. Not only does Sarah Palin have limited governing experience, but she used to have come dribbles running down the side of her mouth! Just a heartbeat from the presidency, folks. [Perez Hilton]
· The Peach Pit lives! [Eater LA]
· And finally, some bittersweet news. Vulture editor Dan Kois is heading off into the sunset, and we'll no longer have regular and easy access to awesomeness like this. Farewell, Dan! You'll be missed. [Vulture]

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· On America's Got Talent last night, David Hasselhoff was refreshingly candid about the stirrings in his loins elicited by Drag Britney. [AGT]
· Step! Two, Three, Ball, Step, Ball, Reverse, Change! Watch out stars—Lance means business! [Mollygood]
· In this new promotional shot from Land of the Lost, Will Ferrell stands next to the kind of Sleestak you might imagine posing for pictures at Disneyland. [First Showing]
· Mmmm...Hannah Montana Sweet & Sour Gummi Cocks. [BWE.tv]
· And last but not least, it's Paul Reubens's birthday today. In his honour, enjoy the entire Pee-wee's Playhouse Christmas Special. Happy birthday, Pee-wee! Mm...Birthday cakey. [YouTube, YouTube, YouTube, YouTube]

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· Yup, that's it. And yet we can't help but get caught up in all the silliness, too. Wolf Blitzer? That sounds like a WWI machine gun! LOL! [Late Night]
· "Canada Remains Happily Mediocre," says Canada's official online presence. [Canada.com]
· No Nuns on the Catwalk: Eurotrash dance single, or Vatican fashion scandal? [Reuters]
· You really haven't lived until you've heard Gwyneth Paltrow make an offhand joke about getting fat she knows will never, ever come to pass...in fluent Spanish! [BWE.tv]
· "My dad's not an idiot -- he's nothing short of a genius, in my opinion," says Jack Osbourne, who's making a movie to repair his father's depiction on The Osbournes as the lovably addled Prince of Darkness and Allowance-Distribution. [RollingStone.com]
· Nic Cage, in hair and pictures. [Latino Review]

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· It sure is nice to see Vin, Paul, and Michelle back where they belong: Safely penned away in a trailer for some movie we'll never see that doesn't come out for a very long time. [/Film]
· Optical illusion time: Do you see Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor nuzzling noses, or a beautiful vase? It all depends upon where you focus! [My New Plaid Pants]
· We knew there was a reason we were compelled to play Connect 4 with our four best friends while eating a Kit Kat bar on a four-seat couch whenever we watch The Tonight Show! [iBored]
· $800,000-per-ep man Charlie Sheen has a fourth [Ed. note: Gasp! The Tonight Show Curse again!] child on the way, which, amazingly, has already appeared in utero on an episode of Denise Richards: It's Complicated. [USA Today]
·Everything about Love 'n Licks makes us uncomfortable. [YouTube]

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· You know how everyone used to complain that Britney Spears lip-synced her way through all of her concerts? Well, after seeing this video that isolates Britney's vocals during her "Live From Las Vegas" show, we're pretty sure you'll be thankful that backing tracks exist. [Funny Or Die via Buzzfeed]
· We know that we're supposed to bow at the feet of Radiohead because, well, everyone bows at the feet of Radiohead. But we can't help but concur with Hold Steady guitarist Tad Kubler's recent comments about the band: "I think they've lost the plot. I like them as a rock band, all the buttons and sequencing and stuff like that I don't really care for. I'm a fan of rock music, and what they're doing now I don't think is very good." [Vulture]
· We've been thinking a lot about Sharon Stone ever since we revealed her new twentysomething boyfriend yesterday. While her film career is stalled, we think we spotted a reality show opportunity that would be a perfect fit for her brand of crazy: Vh1's Cougar Camp. [NY Post]
· This headline has us thankful all of the film critics haven't been killed off yet: "Hamlet 2: The First One Was Better." [Time]
· Most of our favourite movies of the '80s require a healthy suspension of disbelief to enjoy. Teen Wolf was one of those films. But now, thanks to the comedy troupe Summer Of Tears, we're not sure we're ever going to be able to watch it again without contemplating how none of the characters raised an eyebrow when the bestiality angle came into play. [/Film]

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· Ben Affleck will star in Mike Judge's Extract, about the trials and tribulations of "a flower extract factory owner." We know the punchline is "Ow My Essence of Citrus Blossom!" We're just not sure how the rest goes. [Variety]
· The Zurich Film Festival will bestow their highest honour, The Golden Herring, upon the franchise-defibrillating achievements of aging action mercenary, Sylvester Stallone. [Variety]
· NBC Universal has acquired U.K.'s Carnival Film & Television, the first step in their ruddily cherubic child-king's seven-year plan towards world domination. [THR]
· The House Bunny and Legally Blonde writers Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten "Kiwi" Smith have sold ABC Studios a script for a potential series based on their "champagne-and-therapy-fueled" creative process. Working title: Set-Ups and the City. (Now who wants a show about our malt-beverage-and-hackery-fuelled creative process?) [THR]
· Lifetime ordered six episodes of Blonde Charity Mafia, a documentary series about young fundraising socialites in D.C. Couldn't they have squeezed the word "Sluts" in the title somewhere? That would have really sold it. [Variety]

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· Seriously—one towel, Jack Black? We can't even get one towel to stay securely wrapped around our waist after a shower; do you just wrap it around your head like a turban and prance around the house air-drying? What are we saying. Of course you do. [The Cho Show]
· You know, we didn't want to say it—but that All Growed Up feature on TMZ has felt a little phoned in as of late. [Jossip]
· You've thrilled to A Very Brady Gangbang, now enjoy a similar blaspheming of your favourite monster family in This Ain't The Munsters XXX. Be sure to browse the gallery. [Munsters XXX]
· You've waited long enough: Ladies and gentlemen, Sanjaya's Nationwide commercial debuted today. [Nationwide]
· Finally, someone has mapped out The Periodic Table of Awesoments. [Dapperstache]

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· Mercifully, the second season of The Two Coreys came to a close this weekend. The Haimster spent all season trying to convince Felddog, his therapist, Nelle, the show's producers and everyone watching the show that he didn't have a drug problem. While it may be true that his addiction to the hard stuff is in the past, the one-car accident that he got into in the season finale certainly shows that prescription drugs still play a significant role in his life. Until next season... [The Two Coreys]
· Looking for a good way to kill about 20 minutes of your workday? Try the Empire Magazine poster quiz on for size. Full disclosure: We just got 23/46. [Empire]
· Spaghetti, opera, white wine and cardigans with rolled-up sleeves: what the '80s were all about. [Goldenfiddle]
· While won't go so far as to say that this girl's Katie Holmes impression tops our own Molly McAleer's Lindsay Lohan impression, there's no denying that this girl has got a lot of Miss Cruise's mannerisms down pat. [Fromacloset's YouTube]
· You might the remember that the Tumblrverse nearly collapsed onto itself when a rash of What Would [Insert Mad Men Character Here] Do? sites burst onto the scene a few weeks back. But rather on pontificate on what these group of fictional characters might do, why not spend time time going through the list of things that '80s hero MacGyver actually did? [List Of Problems Solved By MacGyver via Core 77]

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· Any chance you happened to catch the kayaking event during the Olympics earlier today? We're not sure why paddling down a Lazy River that exists entirely within the confines of the Bird's Nest is an Olympic sport, especially after seeing this video of a man who can jump on eggs without breaking them. Face it, not even Michael Phelps could pull that off. [YouTube via AOTS]
· For those of you desperate for a Bret & Jermaine fix while awaiting Season Two of Flight Of The Conchords, their new music video for "Ladies Of The World" ought to suffice. [MySpace]
· Cinephiles rejoice! Criterion will be releasing Wes Anderson's Bottle Rocket on DVD and Blu-Ray in November. [Criterion via Skeet On Mischa]
· Janeane Garofalo and SNL's breakout rookie Casey Wilson are doing a shot-by-shot remake of Tango & Cash. We're not exactly sure why, but we sure hope they keep it up. [CC Insider]
· Twilight will take that pre-Thanksgiving slot that Harry Potter just vacated, thankyouverymuch. [Variety]

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· This has got to be some kind of new low: Join in the fun as Tori Spelling's party guests crowd into the bathroom to watch husband Dean McDermott try out the new features on their high-tech wondercrapper. You'll be glad you did! [Tori and Dean]
· Fine, Millions of Milkshakes—L.A.'s newest frozen-delight venture—features the Britney, Paris, and Lindsay among its 75 million flavors. But does it feature a Zoila? It had better. [Eater LA]
·After seeing Victoria's act, watching Hungarian weightlifter Janos Baranyai dislocate his elbow should be a piece of cake. (Warning: Graphic.) [Deadspin]
· Once we're onto the subject of Olympics injuries, we're getting reports that Michael Phelps has dislocated his penis in the 400-meter Individual Medley. [WOW Report]
· Ranchero singer and telenovela star Pablo Montero has been arrested for cocaine use and possession, forever altering the course of future-Dancing with the Stars-participation history. [NY Daily News]

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