sharks are the new qantas
Flotsam & Jetsam
12:47PM Jess McGuire | It seems the cold weather has resulted in those disobedient sharks finally taking a break from biting beach goers, which has given Qantas a chance to return to the headline grabbing glory days of 2008. More »
Qantas Is DYING, People!
12:47PM Jess McGuire | It seems the cold weather has resulted in those disobedient sharks finally taking a break from biting beach goers, which has given Qantas a chance to return to the headline grabbing glory days of 2008. More » 
People
What Do Kate Winslet And Sharks Have In Common?
12:32PM Jess McGuire | The answer? They stubbornly and foolishly refuse to listen to me. EXHIBIT A. The Titanic actress, who also appears in Revolutionary Road alongside her former co-star Leonardo DiCaprio, has famously struggled with her weight throughout her career. She was nicknamed ‘blubber’ at school and says that only now is she starting to accept and appreciate her figure. The actress recently declared: ‘I’ve decided I am going to start loving my backside because I don’t know anyone who does that. And for my daughter, I want to be able to say to her, “I love this.”‘ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! EXHIBIT B. More »
People
12:23PM Jess McGuire | You try to reach out to sharks by writing them an open letter gently suggesting they cease biting humans, and do they listen? No, no they don’t. Obstinate bastards. God, it’s almost as though they don’t have internet access or something!
(A) 31-year-old man is believed to have lost part of a hand and part of a leg in the incident shortly before 7am at the navy base near the iconic Harrys Cafe de Wheels at Woolloomooloo.
The diver was carring out an anti-terrorism exercise off the HMAS Darwin docked at Garden Island at the time. Royal Australian Navy Rear Admiral Nigel Coates said the attack occurred in the area between Mrs Macquarie’s Chair and Garden Island Naval Base.
Since there are no answers as to what kind of shark attacked the diver, the AAP has turned to an expert for some hypothetical answers. More »
Navy Diver Attacked By A Shark In Sydney Harbour
12:23PM Jess McGuire | You try to reach out to sharks by writing them an open letter gently suggesting they cease biting humans, and do they listen? No, no they don’t. Obstinate bastards. God, it’s almost as though they don’t have internet access or something!
(A) 31-year-old man is believed to have lost part of a hand and part of a leg in the incident shortly before 7am at the navy base near the iconic Harrys Cafe de Wheels at Woolloomooloo.
The diver was carring out an anti-terrorism exercise off the HMAS Darwin docked at Garden Island at the time. Royal Australian Navy Rear Admiral Nigel Coates said the attack occurred in the area between Mrs Macquarie’s Chair and Garden Island Naval Base.
Since there are no answers as to what kind of shark attacked the diver, the AAP has turned to an expert for some hypothetical answers. More » 
An Open Letter To Sharks
4:36PM Jess McGuire | Dear Sharks,
Dudes, you need to back off! I know the sea is your domain and stuff, but seriously – you need to calm down on the biting of humans. Otherwise someone’s gonna make a sequel to Revenge Of A Shark Victim, catch my drift? You are becoming the new Qantas, and I’d really like a break from opening up the paper and hearing you’re in more trouble.
Yours,
Defamer Australia
PS: How good does this movie look, seriously?
MORE:
Third shark attack in two days
Aussie surfer attacked by shark
Cousin saves girl, 13, in shark attack
Lifeguard’s close encounter with shark More » 