Just when you thought Shane Warne's slightly tragic days of womanising were over, and it was all about wearing amazing sunglasses and playing in celebrity poker tournaments and saving orphaned kittens stuck in trees and stuff, well, I guess you were wrong.

Evidently Mr Baked Beans has been out on the tiles in London - and at nothing less than a students' hangout! Top work, Warnie!

The 38-year-old sportsman enjoyed a solo night out at the exclusive Mahiki club in London's posh Mayfair - a popular haunt with young royals and Girls Aloud members.

Despite his infamous reputation as a wild ladies man, Warne left the club alone, possibly after realising he was nearly 20 years older than most of the clientele.

So far so disappointing, but the best part of this whole story is the second photo The Daily Mail have included in the story:

The caption reads "Shane Warne ignores the pretty young females outside the club", but I think the look on Shane's face says something more like "Don't look at their bums, don't look at their bums, don't look at their bums... Oh Jesus, I accidentally looked at her bosom... Okay, focus, focus, look at that interesting building across the street... Just keep moving..."

Shane Warne, Defamer Australia salutes you! And then asks you where you've been and who you've been out with at this time of the morning, and tells you your dinner is cold and sitting in the oven and you can sleep on the couch tonight.

Shane Warne is kicking goals (or should I say 'bowling poker opponents out for a duck'?*) at the World Series Of Poker tournament in Las Vegas. Go Shane!

Says the big blonde man himself...

"I was going really well after the first break - I had $25,000 in chips - but then I lost one big hand of $10,000,'' he said. Half an hour later his luck returned, with the 38-year-old winning a monster $29,000 pot five hours into play.

Warne said he was surprised by how mentally sapping the first day of play had been. The cricket legend has been relying on music from his iPod to keep his energy levels high.

"I'll probably collapse tonight - I'm exhausted,'' he said.

What I'd give to know the songs featured on Shane's poker winning playlist... I'm sensing some Cold Chisel, and I'd bet all the money I have in the world - all seven dollars! - on Bon Jovi's Livin' On A Prayer making an appearance too.

But the iPod wasn't Shane's secret weapon during the comp, it would seem.

The sports star donned reflective sunglasses to hide his eyes.

Booyah! And check out how amazing Warney looks in those sunnies!

I hope he can manage to read text messages while wearing those. Still waiting on a reply, Shane - I am totally okay with letting you kick my puppy!

* No, no I shouldn't...

It seems our Aussie cricketers know who to turn to when they want to have a jolly old knees up - it's former champ and living proof of the Spanish Flea-esque powers of a suitably raunchy text message, Mr Shane Warne! The Herald Sun reports today that members of the Australian cricket team decided to kick their heels up after their loss to Pakistan with a night on the town with Warney, and where did he take them? Why, a "gay-friendly" venue, of course.

They may have lost to India but that didn't stop the Australian cricketers from letting their hair down at a most unlikely Prahran nightspot on Sunday night.

Led by their former champion teammate Shane Warne, they celebrated long and hard at gay-friendly Love Machine.

Among the players partying were big stars Brett Lee, Michael Clarke, Adam Gilchrist,and Andrew Symonds.

"I didn't realise it was a gay night," Warne was heard joking when the cricketers arrived.

LOLOLOLOLOL GUD ONE SHANE!!1!

We'd suggest that taking their post-game celebrations to a rainbow flavoured nightspot may have been a wise choice by the Aussie cricketers, considering Shane Warne's colourful history with assorted ladies whilst out on the prowl (and the seemingly endless parade of tell alls to New Idea said encounters inspire) but the man has proven time and time again that physical distance need not be a problem when one has their trusty mobile phone in the palm of their hand, and a burning desire to "kick" someone's "puppy".

It seems Shane Warne simply refuses to stop giving comedians around the country fodder, with news the SMS-happy cricketer/suburban playboy just earned himself a chastising at a poker game because he is unable to resist the lure of texting.

A poker website is reporting the spin legend has just been given a five-minute penalty for sending an SMS during the Aussie Millions 2008 event at Melbourne's Crown Casino.

Warne has been infamously involved in numerous lurid text-messaging scandals. They are said to have contributed to the breakdown of his marriage.

HAY BABEY AT CARD GAMEZ AN I C DA QUEN OF HARTS AN THOUGHT OF U LOL KEN I KICK UR PUPPY xxx

Ahem.

We're also glad to learn there's no ill will between Warney and ex-wife Simone.

Warne was asked about his relationship with his ex Simone Callahan on Kyle and Jackie O's brekkie show this morning.

Warne said the two were friends again and get along well.

"I'm very single at the moment,'' he said.

"I never say never in this lifetime but at this stage, Simone's going her way and I'm going mine.''

How Fleetwood Mac of them.

Pam Anderson and husband Rick Salomon are due on our sunny shores any moment now, with the pair apparently deciding the couple that gambles together stays together. ("Not so!" - Ben Affleck & Jennifer Lopez). Actually, it would seem gambling is what ignited their love in the first place!

From news.com.au -

The on-again-off-again couple's people contacted Crown this week requesting a berth in the Aussie Millions Poker Championship be reserved for card shark Salomon.

Salomon is said to be a definite starter in the tournament, with an appearance fee being negotiated yesterday to bring Anderson out.

...

The tournament's main event starts on Monday, with many local and overseas stars including Michael Vartan, Jennifer Tilly, Shannon Elizabeth, Shane Warne, Mark Philippoussis and Joe Hachem forking out $10,000 for a shot at the $10 million prize pool.

Anderson said last year that she and Salomon - the ex-hubby of actor Shannen Doherty and Paris Hilton's sex tape co-star - took their 17-year friendship to the next level during a poker game.

"I left the table and my driver played in my place," she said.

Anderson said she returned to find herself more than $280,000 "in the hole to Rick".

(bites tongue)

"Rick, being the gentleman, said he would wipe my debt if I gave him a kiss, so I have to thank Vegas for our relationship switching gears," Anderson said.

The couple wed in the casino capital in October.

We look forward to hearing/making up delicious gossip regarding card shark celebs from Monday onwards. We dare say the odds of Shane Warne having a crack at Pammy are rather good.

The Warne text affair drama of this morning has just gotten a little more interesting, with Shane issuing a press release to the Daily Telegraph stating that ex wife Simone Callahan has been telling porkies to New Idea about their relationship break up in order to gain sympathy and, perhaps more importantly, make a pile of dosh for her paid "exclusive" to the magazine.

Says Shane - miraculously without resorting to SMS-speak - in his statement...

Unfortunately, I find it now necessary to release a statement due to Simone's latest paid factually incorrect interview with New Idea.

Here are the facts.

- We have been divorced for over a year.

- Simone and I finally separated nearly two months ago on August 5th 2007 when we left Spain and before Simone's planned departure with the children back to Australia. Simone did not want to release a statement because she thought it was nobody's business but ours, and I agreed.

- We also agreed to sit the children down on my return on September 25th and let them know that we had separated, we agreed they should know before anyone else.

- We gave our relationship a go in the UK but it just wasn't working, so we agreed amicably to go our own way.

- The only reason we separated was that we both knew it was finally over. There was no affair, nor anyone else.

- We have our own houses in Melbourne, which has been the case since we separated.

- I am looking forward to a quiet Australian summer, a little sad not to be playing cricket for the first time in 20 years but I'll be spending plenty of time with my children and friends.

Your move, Simone.

If you're looking for the perfect Christmas gift for Shane Warne, may we suggest some homing pigeons? Perhaps a small child willing to run long distances holding a note between their teeth for the promise of a Mars Bar? A Staffordshire terrier with the ability to bark messages in a way that almost - almost - sounds human? Because as far as communication devices go, Shane Warne and mobile phones clearly do not work well together.

Yes, Simone has left Shane again (we didn't realise they were officially "back on" but whatevs). Why? Oh, deep in your heart, you know why... Warney's been sprung dipping his wick in someone other than the mother of his children. And once again, the discovery of his philandering ways is due to his inability to cease acts of text message rascality.

Simone Callahan has once again split up with Shane Warne after she discovered an incriminating text message proving that the former-Test cricketer was cheating on her. New Idea magazine said that Simone found the text message while getting the children ready for school, before shooting another text message back to Warne.

Simone told the magazine that she received a text message from Warne that said: "Hey beautiful, I'm just talking to my kids, the back door's open."

She promptly sent a message back that said: "You loser, you sent the message to the wrong person."

Warne confessed to the affair soon after.

As far as risque text messages go, "Hey beautiful, I'm just talking to my kids, the back door's open." is pretty tame, not to mention surprisingly coherent considering the sender is a man infamous for reportedly sending a sexy text telling a lady friend "I want to kick your puppy". He's either finally grasped predictive text (lord knows he's had enough practice), or Simone's cleaned up the tale for New Idea consumption. We suspect the interaction between Shane and Simone would have probably been more along the lines of...

"HAY BEWDIFL I TALKN 2MA KIDZ LOL UR BACKDOR OPEN?? MI COK MISUS U LOL TLK SOON SHANEXXXX"

"SHANE UR MSG DUN MAYK SENS IM IN DA KITCHN WIT U RITE NOW WTF I DON GEDDIT WAIT!!! HANGON DAT MSG NOT MENT 4ME??? I H8 U :'( "

Associate editor of New Idea Sue Smethurst, whom Simone told about the affair, said that the relationship between the two was definitely over.

“The text confirmed her suspicions that Shane was having an affair,” Ms Smethurst said. "Obviously, she was devastated." Ms Smethurst said that Simone was truly trying to make the relationship work until the latest affair, but there was no way she'd try again. “Not now, she's given the relationship her fair share."

Considering she's taken Shane back, oh, we don't know.. (counts fingers and toes...) A BILLION TIMES, we dare say this isn't the end of the ongoing love saga between Simone Callahan and Shane Warne.

Also - Vodafone or Telstra or Optus need to cut some sort of sponsorship deal with Shane Warne. Seriously.