sarah larson
George Clooney, Unsexiest Dancer Alive
10:20AM Molly Friedman | That sand-diving, levitating make-out partner Sarah Larson has gone ahead and surprised us again. Ever since those racy photos from her pre-George days pleasantly shocked us a bit, we could always count on the Vegas hostess to say or do something not so intelligent and turn our frowns upside down. From showering Clooney’s home with scented candles to pouting over defamatory voice messages on George’s answering machine, Larson never failed to please. And the bobble-headed minx has done it again. When asked by Hello! what exactly she adored about George, she lists some yawn-worthy traits like humor(!), kindness(!), and famewhore enabling(!), but the one thing Sarah says she loved most about the guy who spent most of their relationship on crutches? His “dance moves.” Of course. Because judging by these photos of Clooney busting a move, those “interpretive” lessons he took a few years ago really paid off.
Vegas Bartendress Fails To Tame Bucking Bachelor Bronco George Clooney
2:45AM Seth | Call us incurable romantics, but something about the pairing of Hollywood elder statesman George Clooney and Sarah Larson—the Phish-loving, sandworm-emulating Ginger to his Fred—seemed to us more than your standard, fly-by-night arm-candy operation. This was a girl who inspired in George acts of chivalry previously thought not possible—on one occasion requiring him to come nearly to fisticuffs with a physically imposing margarine-spokesman just to protect her privacy. Yes, we naively predicted these two crazy kids would find a way to muddle through, in road rash and in health. We were wrong:What Harper’s Bazaar Wants You to Know About George Clooney’s Girlfriend
7:10AM Defamer Hollywood | In the next issue of Harper’s Bazaar, George Clooney’s sand-loving girlfriend Sarah Larson gets the profile treatment. What follows is a list of things we learned by reading it: Sarah Larson was once on Fear Factor, where her crowning achievement was “eating” a scorpion. (When, in fact, she put it in her mouth then spit it into a bucket, which one can only assume is how she eats all her food.) More »
How To Date A Movie Star, By Sarah Larson
5:25AM Molly Friedman | If the Learning Annex on Wilshire ever launches a course for cocktail waitresses looking to nab themselves a movie star, we would like to recommend Sarah Larson to teach the class. George Clooney’s sand-diving arm candy is truly talented when it comes to catching the attention of impossible-to-land bachelors, and as she revealed in an interview with her hometown paper today, all it takes is a reenactment of those infamous soft-core porny photos she took. While most of us thought Larson caught Clooney’s eye at his Ocean’s 13 premiere, it turns out the couple may have met on the very same night Larson was snapped levitating and biting her girlfriend’s butt. More words of wisdom and fairy tales come true from Sarah after the jump. More »
Sarah Larson Refashions George Clooney’s Home Into Something Resembling The ‘View’ Set
3:30AM Molly Friedman | Last night was a special one as NBC’s Thursday night primetime players officially made their post-strike return, and we hope for Sarah Larson’s sake that George Clooney wasn’t watching. As many of you will recall, Jan and her implants made a nightmarish appearance on The Office, dousing Michael’s condo with scented candles and every other kind of annoying “feminine touch” imaginable. And as a source tells OK!, Clooney’s arm candy is guilty of the same behaviour while George is sadly still promoting box office dud Leatherheads out of town: “It’s still very much George’s place, but she’s got her clothes there and she thought [Jo Malone scented candles and fresh flowers] would be nice.” But how does the Norton-y actor feel about all the girly smells wafting through his home? More »
Anonymous Phone Caller Leaves Unwanted Dating Advice On George Clooney’s Voicemail
2:35AM Molly Friedman | A word of advice to the legions of women seeking to disrupt George Clooney’s latest extended fling with former cocktail waitress / sand enthusiast Sarah Larson: if you’re planning on placing an anonymous phone call to George with the intent of disparaging his ladyfriend, make sure to use a pre-paid cell phone. Because even with the help of his cop/chauffeur’s detective skills, Clooney was unable to track the hushed threats that were recently left on his voicemail, threats that apparently came from a rent-a-phone. On them, the anonymous caller ranted, “Dude, your friends asked me to give you a message: Dump the bitch before you’re sorry!” The golden couple’s reaction, plus reports from an alleged ex revealing Larson’s penchants for “love potions”, after the jump. More »
Newly Surfaced Evidence Suggests George Clooney’s Girlfiend Enjoys The Taste Of Sand And Magazines
4:41AM Seth | Spotted frequently at George Clooney’s side, little is known about the actor’s comely and seemingly demure girlfriend Sarah Larson, an oversight finally corrected by Star Magazine in a blistering exposé entitled “Sarah Larson’s Sin City Secrets.” Described as a “former go-go dancer,” the leading supermarket news source soberly goes on to report that “evidence of her wild escapades has been spilling out of Sin City like quarters from a slot machine!” Exhibit A: The 2007 photo above, from lastnightsparty.com, in which Larson is seen giving her dead-on impression of a Dune sandworm, moments after emerging from its subterranean lair to feast on a meal of sand plankton (as represented by a glossy magazine and actual sand). Think that’s amazing? Wait until you see Exhibit B, in which Larson appears to levitate right off the ground—a stunning illusion achieved using nothing more than some powerful inner-thigh strength and the hips of a nearby patron. It’s after the jump. More »
Attention George Clooney: News Ltd Does Not Approve Of Your Choice Of Girlfriend
1:13PM Clem Bastow | You know, it’s not like we look to the News Ltd stable as our barometer of what’s good and right in the world, but we would assume that some, if not most people working there, like to think that a good relationship is based on things like chemistry, mutual interests, understanding and attraction – right?
Not so, if you take their handling of George Clooney’s relationship with model girlfriend Sarah Larson as evidence:
Yes, in the piece entitled “Clooney’s girlfriend is just flat-out”, evidently “Sarah Larson is one of the most envied woman on Earth – but probably not for her chest measurements.”
Who woulda thunk it, eh? A woman with a less-than-generous bust measurement just might snare an eligible bachelor like Clooney on the strength of her personal character as well as her nungas! Strike us pink! More » 