Let there be no mistaking it—the National Enquirer owns the story of the disintegration of Jodie Foster's 14-year lesbian relationship to her beautiful Cydney. Now, their unprecedented access to the Rubyfruit Mafia's high-ranking Donettes gives us yet another shocking exclusive: Foster has parked her U-Haul outside the home of Cindy Mort, the creator of HBO's stunt-cock popularizing, prosthesis-core drama Tell Me You Love Me. From their report:

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Her Rwandan mission of peace still in a holding pattern, reformed God-locater Paris Hilton has been biding her time lately with an appearance at The L Word premiere party. Sporting the dykiest brunette bob wig she could get her hands on at such short notice, she reportedly cozied up all night with star Katherine Moennig, the two downing shots and popping up later at a Hollywood restaurant "holding hands." It was a daring display that some rubyfruit mafia watchers are calling the boldest fake-lesbian-dabbling in pursuit of a part that they've seen in quite some time. [Planet Gossip]

Some months ago, titillating news of a Brady Bunch porn led us to indulge our wildest combined-'70s-sitcom-family fantasies, as we shamefully revealed for you the most outrageous Brady-on-Brady coupling our filthy minds could conjure: Jan taking out years of frustration on her more popular sister with one sweaty, unhinged hate-fuck. Were we only to know just how close to the truth we were:

[Maureen] McCormick's tell-all, Here's the Story, won't hit bookstores until 2008, but publishers are already buzzing about the big reveal.

A source tells The National Enquirer, "The most explosive comments will be how the then blonde, blue-eyed cutie developed a crush on Eve Plumb, which led to some sexual play.

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