Though it's been reported that Kendra Wilkinson is on her way out of Hugh Hefner's harem, there's one person that isn't getting into the Playboy Mansion under her watch, and that's footballer Tom Brady. On last night's episode of The Girls Next Door, Wilkinson was told that she'd have to wear the New England Patriot's jersey for a special charity flag football game, and the look of utter revulsion that passed across her face was impressive for a woman regularly tasked with resuscitating the 82-year-old Hefner's nether regions.

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While the Playboy Mansion has been emptying out for what feels like weeks, Hugh Hefner is only now getting around to acknowledging the recent bust-up with his beloved Holly Madison. And even considering the lithe 19-year-old twins he found to replace her, an interview yesterday reveals a guy whose "down in the dumps" demeanour reflects the corrosive, pyjama-clad equivalent of an Ingmar Bergman drama.

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Remember yesterday when we told you Hugh Hefner's pimp hand was weakening because two of his Girls Next Door were seeing other dudes while only Bridget Marquardt remained loyal? Well, scratch that last part. Apparently Bridget is seeing another dude too. We know she's already married, but she's been married ever since she started "dating" Hef, so that's not the problem. What is a problem is that the New York Post says Bridget's been "getting quite close with Nick Carpenter, Marisa Tomei's ex-boyfriend. He directed her in a movie recently and apparently they 'hang out' whenever she can escape the mansion." Damn, is Hugh Hefner gonna have to choke a bitch? [New York Post]

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Twice this week, a man has driven his car into the gates of Hugh Hefner's estate—more commonly known as the Playboy Mansion—in Holmby Hills. The LAPD is not being forthcoming with details, saying only it has something to do with an "ongoing dispute." We've rounded up the possible suspects after the jump:

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Generally speaking, when rumours of the "OMG nude!" variety start flying around a starlet, there's usually an awful lot of gnashing of teeth and wringing of hands, and a lackey is dispatched to pour cold water on the whispers, and said starlet starts getting around in hessian sacks and tracksuits. Not so our Sophie Monk, however! When buzz began circulating that Bardot's finest Marilyn Monroe impersonator had been touched - potentially - by the hand of Hef, her publicist stood to attention.

"Playboy has always done classy portfolios, so I'm sure if this was real, it's something that would be considered," Weinman said via email.

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While there is very little dignity in being one of three girls repeatedly porked by a doddering 82 year old, The Girls Next Door have managed to do quite well for themselves. Not only do they have a certified hit television show on their hands (Season Five on its way!), but Holly, Kendra and Bridget have also made appearances on Entourage, Curb Your Enthusiasm and Scary Movie 4 (not to mention Kendra's recent appearance on the front page of the Wall Street Journal). Despite all of their career successes, it seems that the girls are chomping at the bit for a chance to stretch their acting muscles more than most of their extended cameos call for.

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Kendra Wilkinson's unofficial Olive Garden shilldom — which has yielded both a viral blast of OG love from the Playboy Mansion's doorstep and the resulting "Girls of Oiive Garden" pictorial featured on Playboy's Web site — took an even less tasteful turn today when the restaurant chain publicly kept its distance in The Wall Street Journal. Not that we'd emphasise that part of the story over the bigger news that Kendra Fucking Wilkinson has a WSJ etching, of course, but still — we're kind of proud of the "rogue brand ambassador"'s unwelcome spunk on behalf of a joint that deserves so little in the first place:

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In the grainy land of reality show famewhoring, sometimes a pair of boobs will come together and a cable miracle is born. And that's exactly what happened last night when we saw our maternal icon, Dina Lohan, meet our paternal icon, Hugh Hefner. On the latest edition of television's most reliable guide to parenting, Dina taught us some highly unique strategies in order to effectively downsize your son's balls, fake your way to the fountain of youth via Me-Time, and prove to your tweenage daughter just how insanely awesome and superior you are by making her choose between "Mr. Hot" and a career in music best left for those with actual talent. The newest lessons learned from Living Lohan, below:

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Service With a Smile: More than a little blandness was bound to result from any overlap of Playboy and The Olive Garden, an illegitimate union no one (least of all us) quite saw coming. But then Kendra Wilkinson dragged her leftover fettucine alfredo to the Playboy Mansion in a porn-y April plea to servers nationwide: Send in your pictures, ladies, and you could be chosen as one of Playboy's Girls of Olive Garden! We have no idea if any of the women featured in the resultant Web pictorial are actual waitresses at the nation's least-convincing Italian chain eatery, but just in case: Let's all salute "Amy," the pride of the OG in Arcadia, having reached the pinnacles of both the local food service industry and international Web smut in less than three months. And to think we never believed that the Olive Garden's Culinary Institute could take a girl places. We're kind of happy to be wrong, though. [Playboy via Goldenfiddlr]

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While most old folks would reward a query like, "Tell me about your fourgies, Grandpa!" with a sharp caning, Playboy founder Hugh Hefner is of a different breed. In his upcoming book, Mr. Playboy: Hugh Hefner and the American Dream, Steven Watts convinced the swinging octogenarian to open up about his earliest sexual adventures, including one aborted wife swap that led the mogul to seek out friendlier, more familiar partners. Says Page Six:

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