We have a feeling that, were there a group of deadbeat dads out in Glendale (a la those Dina Lohan-lovin' freaks out East) who got drunk enough one day to form a Totally Awesome Dads Association (TADA!), they would most likely celebrate their first-year anniversary by handing out their Bud Light-drenched award for Father Of The Year to Papa Joe Simpson. Why? Well, as we already know, the former minister-turned-dadager managed to pimp out a few mind-numbingly boring exclusive wedding pictures featuring most annoyingly faux-punk new marrieds on the planet, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz, to People a few weeks back. But what we didn't know was that, at the same time, Simpson was allegedly attempting to sell off his other daughter Jessica — not to the tabloids, but to then-boyfriend Tony Romo. See the astonishing managing skills this guy has? But he reportedly wasn't stopping at selling off his daughter — he was also said to be pressuring the quarterback to sign a client/manager agreement and become one of the magically successful Simpson Family Players:

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At this point in Jessica Simpson's sad, sad career, it's become clear that her only chance of making headlines is by sleeping with a new guy, getting dumped by that new guy, or whining over one of the many guys who've dumped and/or slept with her. As we learned this week, her most recent conquest — QB Tony Romo, who Jessica called "her future husband" in Glamour's March issue before admitting that "this article could come out and Tony and I could be broken up" — rid himself of the Game Day Curse just as her ex-fling John Mayer was popping up all over the weeklies swapping spit with Jennifer Aniston and her fembot nips. Naturally, Jessica reacted by drinking herself silly and, we presume, making several late-night calls to her Dadager, Papa Joe, requesting her next romantic PR stunt stat. So the question is: which lucky bachelors will Joe pay off set her up with this time to guarantee continuous coverage of his darling daughter? Our suggestions, after the jump.

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Sorry boys, It appears as if Scarlett Johansson really is taken. As we noted yesterday, 2006's Sexiest Woman Alive got engaged to equally easy-on-the-eyes boyfriend Ryan Reynolds, and judging from ScarJo's behaviour last night at the Costume Institute Gala, the soon-to-be-bride appears incapable of hiding her joy. All smiles as she walked the carpet, Johansson even did the paparazzi a favour by flashing her new rock, and her choice to wear an off-white demure dress helped us paint some mental images of her upcoming walk down the aisle. But how does her ring compare to infamous engagement rings of the past (J. Lo's sad pink diamond monster mid-Bennifer trainwreck) and rings recently sported by newly engaged stars like Mariah Carey and Ashlee Simpson? We compare and contrast after the jump.

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It took her long enough, but the eldest spawn of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore is finally putting her pedigree to good use. Rumer Willis reminded the world of her burgeoning acting career at last week's premiere of From Within, the horror flick she's starring in, and was spotted posing for her first ad campaign for Wal-Mart's newest surfer fashion brand OP (formerly Ocean Pacific). And while the extensions she wore for the premiere coupled with the bikini body she displayed alongside Pete Wentz for the photo shoot do admittedly evoke memories of a younger version of her iconic mum, are Rumer's recent career choices really going to jumpstart a Demi-like fame trajectory? Or will she soon be on MTV's third season of Rock The Cradle?

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We were admittedly underwhelmed upon hearing that lip sync princess Ashlee Simpson and her guyliner-sporting beau Pete Wentz were planning on tying the knot, but we are somewhat pleased to hear about all the trouble it's causing Papa Joe Simpson. Unsurprisingly, the engagement seems to be the result of Pete "doing the right thing" after knocking up his girlfriend. And in an attempt to turn a sticky situation into a pot of gold, minister-turned-Dadager Joe is allegedly trying desperately to make some quick cash by selling his daughter's story to the weeklies, conveniently timed to coincide with her upcoming album's release:

"'Joe is contacting all the weeklies and asking them to pony up $1 million to put Ashlee on the cover'...Sadly, there is some interest - but not for anything close to $1 million."

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Just in case he hadn't officially lost all his "punk" cred already, Pete Wentz has successfully sealed the deal by getting engaged to lip sync queen Ashlee Simpson. And proving they're the ultimate modern couple, Ashlee made the announcement via (of all things) the website friendsorenemies.com in a post last night: "Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged...We consider this to be a very private matter, and we wanted to be the first to tell you." Why exactly a "very private matter" is the sort of thing one willingly announces in the form of a blog post is beyond us, but one issue Pete feels more than comfortable discussing is his love of cross-dressing. As the bassist told Fox News recently,

"I love Jessica Simpson's stuff, especially the shoes. I dance around my house in them all the time."

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