nooooo
US ‘Kath & Kim’ Continues To Miss The Point
10:18AM Clem Bastow | Man, it’s getting to the point where I wonder if I even need to report on the likelihood of the NBC remake of Kath & Kim sucking, since it’s such a scientifically proven inevitability.
The latest is that a thinktank of sorts has been convened in order to sex up the show.
Yes. They want to make it sexier. Really, why did they even bother? Hey NBC, I have another amazing Australian TV show for you to remake – it’s called A Country Practice!
The production is rumoured to have had a major shake-up in recent days, with a number of key crew – including the director, director of photography, the hair and make-up team and editor – apparently being replaced.
The first episode, which is due to go to air on NBC on October 9, is understood to be undergoing heavy reworking and may even be reshot.
NBC has invested heavily in the show, giving it prime placement in its Thursday evening comedy line-up. But sources say executives have asked the show be “more highly stylised”.
“Think CSI: Comedy. They want to de-Kath & Kim it a bit,” the industry insider said.
“CSI: Comedy”? They want to de-Kath & Kim it?? Why don’t they just call it “Kath & Kim”, but have it be about a wisecracking goldfish who provides relationship advice for a fat, lonely comic-book writer who lives in downtown Brooklyn? More » 
Simon Cowell Plans ‘Billy Elliot’-Style Movie About Opera-Singing Talent Quest Entrant With Bad Teeth; In Other News, Pop Has Eaten Itself
3:34PM Clem Bastow | Simon Cowell clearly has both a) too much money and b) too much time on his hands, as his latest little game to amuse himself is to put wheels in motion for an Inspirational™ flick about one of his discoveries, “opera singer” Paul Potts from Britain’s Got Talent. (If you have no idea who or what this is, see his audition here. Then get a real one up ya!)
Just briefly, we’d like to continue today’s unintentional and slightly worrying theme of opera-related stories put in our two cents, which is that Potts is not an opera singer, and rather a shower singer who happened to be able to finesse a largely imitative cover of Nessun Dorma and a few other light classics (see also: Damien Leith), and that there’s more to a compellingly cinematic story of reaching your dreams than unfortunate dentistry and a boring day job.
In any case! Here’s what Cowell has to say about it all:
The singing sensation has gone on to sell 3million copies of his debut album “One chance” and is set to headline 65 concert dates in 13 countries.
Cowell told Daily Variety: “That particular day was one of the worst, the acts were just terrible, we were fed up and on comes this guy with a funny little suit and bad teeth who looked very nervous.
“I can remember looking at the other judges, with that ‘here we go again’ feeling. We had 2,000 people in the audience, and I’ll never forget how much the room changed when he began singing.”
Cowell’s UK based production company, SyCo, will team up with Hollywood to develop the film, who endorsed the project after watching a YouTube clip of the singer.
“Most of these calls result in absolutely nothing, but this company got that it’s another ‘Billy Elliot,’ a story anyone in the world can understand.”
Who do you think Simon “Not At All Interested In His Own Navel” Cowell will request to play him?
We’d like to see the project handballed to Lars Von Trier, who turns it into a gritty tale of a hard-knock life touched by the beauty of music but ultimately crushed by tragedy, starring Ray Winstone as Potts and Clive Owen as Simon Cowell – but we’re more likely to get Simon Pegg as Potts, Steve Carrell as Simon Cowell, directed by the Wayans Brothers and with cameo appearances by Jessica Simpson, Jade Goody and Andy Dick. More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Watch For The Horsemen Of The Apocalypse
10:02AM Clem Bastow | We’ve mentioned that Pete Doherty was beginning a slow circling of Winegums, like some rabid hunting dog looking for a bone to gnaw on, but now we have the unpleasant task of telling you it’s true.
The title says it best: “Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty make music together“.
WHY GOD WHY?
The Rehab singer and the Babyshambles star recently recorded the track, which sees Amy showcasing her impressive guitar playing skills as well as her singing talents.
Pete’s bandmate, guitarist Mick Whitnall, said: “It’s a ska-type track.
Amy’s playing guitar on it and singing as well.
“She plays better than James Brown playing acoustic guitar. She thinks she’s s**t but she’s not. I’ve never met a man who plays like that, let alone a girl.”
We weren’t aware of the Godfather Of Soul’s mad guitar skillz, but we’ll take this Whitnall’s word for it.
Let’s hope Doherty provided Winegums with a steady flow of Big Macs rather than smack at the recording session. More » 
Things That Are Hard To Quit, The Kate Moss Way: Fags, Coke, Pete Doherty
11:14AM Clem Bastow | In “say it ain’t so!” news, it appears Kate Moss’ fledgeling “engagement” to The Kills’ Jamie Hince may already be on shaky ground – and her slimeball ex, Pete Doherty, is to blame.
Can we have words with the British government about getting him excommunicated or sent to Antarctica or something?
A source close to mother-of-one Kate revealed: “Jamie was livid when he heard about Kate’s calls to Pete, he really likes her and wanted things to work out.
“Things were going well but it is clear that Kate is still head over heels in love with Pete and she simply can’t let him go — even though she knows she probably should.”
In a Sunday newspaper yesterday, 28-year-old Pete’s minder and close pal Johnny “Headlock” Jeannevol revealed how 33-year-old Kate is desperate to win him back, saying: “Kate was ringing him up all of the time concerned for his well-being, then he started quizzing her about the new bloke and she was evasive.”
Actually, scratch what we said before – send Kate Moss to rehab. She needs to quit Doherty!
Or at least write a mega-selling country’n'western song about their love. More » 