Those Hogans sure love their restraining orders! Not long after mama cougar Linda claimed that ex-husband Hulk should stay away from her based on a completely made-up court order, her young, son-resembling boyfriend has attempted to secure an actual one against the American Gladiators host. Sadly, the 19-year-old Charley Hill's claim that Hulk "pulled up next to him [at a stoplight] and stared at him" was found to be insufficient grounds for issuing a restraining order. Also, the judge found that Hulk's attempt to piledrive Charley, then throw him against the ropes was terribly, terribly fake. [TMZ]

Exhibiting a soulful, undernourished defiance not seen since Nelson Mandela strolled out of a South African prison a generation ago, young Nick Hogan ended his own 166-day incarceration ordeal early this morning in Florida. There, at the mouth of the Pinellas County Jail, he was reunited with his mother Linda, sister Brooke and a gaggle of media whom Linda rebuffed on her 18-year-old Supra-wrecking, friend-paralyzing martyr's behalf:

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Sure, reality star Brooke Hogan doesn't know who Sarah Palin is (or the identity of our current vice president, for that matter), but it's only because she's been working so hard! After all, who has time to brush up on politics when you're busy taking striptease classes with your mother? Yes, on last night's episode of Brooke Knows Best, Brooke decides that a pole-dancing lesson will be just the thing she needs for a workout, and she decides to bring mother Linda along, too. Showing off the moves that would eventually bag Linda a nineteen-year-old boyfriend and strain her relations with Brooke, the cougar supremo humps the pole and floor in an unnerving mother/daughter celebration of post-postmodern female empowerment, disguised as a workout routine at Crunch. We can't wait until a very special Christmas episode of Brooke Knows Best, when Linda returns the favour and gifts Brooke with a coupon for pairs' Kegel exercises at the downtown Miami Y [VH1]

ICU Nerf-tag warrior Nick Hogan has received his sentence in a Tampa courtroom today: eight months in Florida county jail, five years' probation and 500 hours community service, plus his licence revoked for three years. We hope this comes as a harsh wake-up call to all those street-racers among you: Your irresponsible actions do have consequences, like sitting around behind bars for a couple weeks until overcrowding gets you an early release, and you're forced to wait until your 21st birthday for that rematch with the guy in the suped-up Mitsubishi Eclipse with the "BRNTR8R" plates. [People]

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In the mood for a downer? A South Florida NBC affiliate's website is live-broadcasting Nick Hogan's reckless driving trial. The girlfriend (almost fiancée—he was saving up for the engagement ring) of crash victim John Graziano has already tearfully read a statement describing Hogan's "stone face," revealed the meaning of his licence plate CEHSP2 ("Capable of eluding high-speed pursuit,") and, most damningly, testified, "Three weeks after the accident, Nick showed his remorse...by bringing in board games, razor scooters, Nerf guns to shoot people with, and skateboards. I'm not exactly sure who rides scooters and skateboards in a...hospital's ICU unit knowing that their friend can't even breathe on his own." Join in on the fun now!

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