Just when you thought you'd had enough fashion to last you from here to eternity, the L'Oreal Melbourne Fashion Festival is the stylish gift that just keeps on giving. In fact, you couldn't stop it from giving, such is the unending avalanche of its sartorial smorgasbord, so here goes your report from the front lines of Fashion Fest, day four. Send food and supplies, please.

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...By members of her family.

Walking down Swanston Street in Melbourne, we heard some familiar tones - it was Natalie Gauci's winner's single, Here I Am, blaring out of a speaker system. We turned to face the din and realised it was pumping out of the Golden Tower "chat 'n' chew" restaurant, run by the Gauci family. The restaurant's covered dining area is still bedecked with home-made 'Vote Natalie' posters, which look more poignant with every passing day.

We couldn't help but feel that this was one of the last remaining places on earth where Gauci's music career was of any interest to anyone, and as such should possibly be submitted as a Heritage site.

Where did it all go wrong? Things looked set to soar for The Gauch when she took the Idol title while memories of her stirring renditions of Umbrella and Boys In Town were still fresh in the country's memory. Then things started to develop the stench of death: her album tanked, and, well, things got worse.

The latest we've heard from her is this blog on the Sony BMG site from last week, which sounds more like a gap-year traveller's email home than a missive from a busy music career.

Add to that the fact that Matt Corby, the last season's great white hope, turned down a recording deal, not to mention a decided lack of publicity regarding any 2008 auditions, and the franchise looks more or less dead in the water.

Is the Idol dream over, full-stop? Looking bloody likely from here!

So everyone's well aware of the chart woes currently affecting Australian Idol winner Natalie Gauci (who will be referred to as The Gauch from hereon in, just because we can). Suffering from a severe bout of Casey-itis, it seems The Gauch's victory at the Opera House finale last year hasn't been enough to guarantee album sales, with her single Here I Am only managing to reach the dizzying heights of the #2 position (good under normal circumstances, but when you're part of the Idol juggernaut and the associated publicity power that comes with it, not so good) and her album debuting at #12.

But even we were surprised when checking out the 50 members of the Facebook group "I NEED A GIG IN MELBOURNE!!!!!!" to see her name pop up.

Surely Sony-BMG aren't forcing her to arrange her own shows via Facebook?! This'd never have happened to Matt Corby - IT IS A TRAVESTY!

Poor The Gauch :(

On the upside, she's not alone. Former E-Street star (and deliverer of The World's Greatest Lyrics TM - "If you wanna wait til later, hands off my detonator") Melissa Tkautz is also part of the shouty group. Can we organise a Gauch/Tkautz double-header at a small, intimate venue like The Empress? We'd pay the $7 cover charge. Anything to support our Australian Idol!

Poor Natalie Gauci; we'd hoped - for her sake rather than for the sake of her whoopy R&B stylings - that she wouldn't fall prey to the curse of the female Australian Idol winners (i.e. sinking without a trace), but it looks like that's precisely what the fates have in store for her.

Her "album", The Winner's Journey (a rush-recorded comp of all the covers she performed on Idol) hasn't even made the top ten, offering a grim forecast for whenever Sony BMG deign to release her real debut album, which will hopefully have even more originals inspired by backpackers than her single's b-side.

Despite heavy promotion on one of the year’s most-watched programs, the souvenir CD The Winner's Journey only managed to make it to number 12 on the ARIA chart, with sales of of 11,489 units in its first week of release.

By comparison, last year’s winner Damien Leith sold 89,257 copies of his debut CD in its first full week on sale.

If that wasn't bad enough for The Gauch, Sony BMG have now confirmed that Dicko and Andrew G's "special announcement" that the label would only sign the winner was a total ruse, and in the most gobsmacking announcement since Miriam revealed she'd wasn't all woman, they've signed Matt Corby!

Meanwhile a Ten insider admitted Sony always had Matt in their sights. "You would think they would be silly not to sign him. He is definitely the marketable (of the final two)," the source said.

The label exercised its 30-day option on Matt, beating out a slew of other recording companies to wrap up the prettyboy from Cronulla who will ink his contract today and is expected to hit the studio as soon as possible.

Natalie should really start looking into those lucrative appearance deals at Twister, Discovery and Rooty Hill RSL real soon; we hear they're much nicer places to play than the cold, lifeless stadiums and arenas that Matt Corby will no doubt be mournfully dragging himself to, muttering all the way, "Do I haaaave toooo?"

Poor Natalie Gauci. The Australian Idol winner (whose single 'Here I Am' Kowalski-d its way straight to the number two spot in the ARIA charts) might have walloped Matt Corby at the series finale a few weeks back, but can that make up for having lost a lover in the pursuit of musical success? Well, maybe if the single had made it number one...

She's got a job ahead of her wooing fans to buy the "beautiful but boring" singer's music, but Australian Idol Natalie Gauci has revealed she hasn't given up hope of winning over the man she lost on her way to taking the title on this year's TV talent show.

The 26-year-old has released a B-side to her Idol winners single, inspired by her former boyfriend, backpacker Andrea Seidita.

"It's written about Andrea," Gauci said of All In My Mind, which she penned in the days after their very public break-up.

"When he left I was really upset, so I wrote that song. It's a ballad about heartbreak. It's probably one of my favourite originals. I'm really proud of it," she said recently.

There's nothing quite like fresh pain to really get a single flying off the shelves, is there?

Even though Andrea appears to be rutting The Gauch from behind whilst wearing rollerblades in the photo accompanying the article, we're sure he's a lovely backpacker type, and we wish Nat the best of luck when it comes to winning him back once the whole Idol thing turns to shit she finally gets a break in her hectic schedule.

In conclusion, here's a quote from the article which made us snigger like a teenage boy.

"There's no expectation or pressure. And he's really sweet. He said, 'I don't want to hurt your feelings if I can't come' so that's nice."

Isn't it though?

(bites tongue)

Looks like the Idol curse has claimed another female winner and Natalie Gauci's debut single, Here I Am, has limped in at a "disappointing" #2.

This gives her the dubious honour of being the first Australian Idol winner not to have their single debut in the top spot, and is - all in all - a rather fitting end for the fifth season of the talent quest, which looks to have terminal rot setting in.

It debuted at No.2 with the less-than-stellar response partly due to the sledgling it got from Idol runner-up Matt Corby.

Gauci herself had admitted she as at first confused by the song but her overhaul of the track written by American hitmakers Lindy Robbins and Tom Leonard was undoubtedly a far better version than Corby offered.

...Download sales have yet to skyrocket in Australia hampered by broadband speeds. Even though Gauci's Here I Am was available via Bigpond straight after her win a week ago, it only reached No.3 on ARIAs Digital Track Chart.

Well, honestly, Blind Deaf Dumb Freddie could have told you this would be the likely result.

If they insist on importing these wet power ballads for Idol releases, they need to be prepared for this result. Maybe back in 1997 when Faith Hill was big news they could've gotten away with it, but the Kids Of Today™ want something with a happening beat!

In the sort of "hang on, WTF?" result we've come to know and love Australian Idol for, Natalie Gauci took out the crown last night at the Opera House.

Despite the pundits backing Matt Corby with the short odds, the battler from Melbourne ended up the victor (there'll be a nice warm spot in the Young Divas waiting for her within six months).

To say the whole night had been something of a shambles would've been the understatement of the decade, so here are some of our thoughts on the evening:

* The amazing "technical difficulties" filling the return of Divinyls to live TV, beginning with the camera going spaz two-thirds of the way through Boys In Town, a green screen, then an ad break, then a minute of meaningless crowd footage while an off-camera tech said "How long have we got?" and was answered "About three minutes", then another ad break, then Andrew G saying something about "live television", then the band doing the song again with the same over-choreographed moves, then the "I'm Lovin' It" signs flashing at the end of it all over the Golden Arches-decorated runway. Then, the divine Ms Amphlett saying, "And who are you?" to an approaching/drooling Andrew G, then fucking off the whole "you've got a new single out but how about you play your old hit - twice - and we'll tell you how to do it" debacle by saying, when asked what the contestants should do, "We've developed - couldn't you tell?"

* James Mathison announcing, with disbelief, that Nat and Matt would arrive, accompanied by "rollerbladers holding soccer flares" - and that's precisely what the event management delivered.

* Mathison's barrage of single entendres and jabs at the Christian voting bloc.

* Epilepsy-inducing jump-cut montages of the Seymour Centre (etc).

* Funereal music playing over the top of any "remember when" montages of past winners and notables, despite said montages actually featuring sound and singing.

* Natalie's plethora of dud wardrobe choices (good one, Sheridan and the Maybelline Style Team) including an ill-fitting, doily-skirted cocktail dress, jeans and a top last seen at the Seven Angels warehouse sale, and finally the clanger, her finale/winner's dress, which was pinned at the back with the radio mic transmitter plonked on top, half a size too small, and with leather opera-length gloves that were half undone around the wrists.

* Matt Corby's variety of leggings-tight pants, and nightie-esque shirts.

* Lionel Richie saving the night by blowing the entire Final 12 offstage following their lacklustre walkthrough of All Night Long (and then reserving all his enthusiasm for Carl Risely).

* Lionel Richie's response, following two-and-a-half hours of Maccas branding, to the hosts' inquiring as to how he was finding the Idol experience: "I'm lovin' it."

* The entire Opera House crowd seeming to have voted for Matt Corby and remaining bums-glued-to-seats throughout Natalie's winner's performance of Here I Am.

* The "artwork" for Here I Am.

...And so forth.

If anything, the finale show - dogged by technical difficulties and ho-hum production numbers - was really symbolic of the whole season, and you couldn't shake the feeling that it might have been a death knell for the franchise, which last night rated just less than half of what it did in its first incarnations.

Just how many more times can they attempt to freshen the thing up? Guess we'll have to wait until next year to find out.

This year's Australian Idol final two are a counfounding pair. You'd have to be blind and deaf not to get that Matt Corby and Natalie Gauci are excellent performers and good looking enough to shift records, it's just that they're so... boring.

Dicko said it, everyone has been thinking it, and now the final two themselves have more or less confirmed it by giving the most boring interviews possible in the lead up to the big bash at the Opera House on Sunday.

That's the nature of Idol. It's a plunge into the deep end without floaties.

"People see our family, see where we live, see our bedrooms. I'm sure we haven't seen Beyonce's bedroom or Missy Higgins' bedroom," Gauci says.

There was also controversy over the singers' religious beliefs, with speculation Corby's church, Assemblies Of God, allegedly encouraged its congregation to vote for him.

Both Corby and Gauci are adamant that people's religious beliefs should be allowed to be kept private.

"What we believe is up to us," Corby says on the subject. "It's not Religious Idol."

Offers Gauci: "It's one thing to judge you for your singing, another thing to judge you for your religion."

Guys, what is this? Australia's Next Top Diplomat? You're want to be the Australian Idol, not Miss Congeniality!

In fact, we thought we'd never say it, but we're starting to miss Tarisai.

Come back you crazy bitch, all is forgiven!

Just days after Ian "Dicko" Dickson "accidentally" let slip that he thought this year's Australian Idol final two were "beautiful but boring", the pair have used their Sunday night spotlight to get their own back.

Matt Corby has had a go at the judge and mentor, while Natalie Gauci chose to employ The Power Of Music™ to get her point across (which incidentally left her looking loopy and over-emotional instead of focused and intense; the latter was presumably the effect she was going for, but we could be wrong).

When presenters showed concern for the singer after a subdued performance of his second song, Jamie Cullum's hit Dry, the 17-year-old turned the tables with a snappy aside of his own, with the quip: "I feel sorry for Dicko. He must be bored out of his mind."

Melbourne finalist, Natalie Gauci got a dig in of her own, perhaps, belting out current top 10 hit, Apologise by One Republic, and the Kate Bush classic Running Up That Hill with its key lyrics "So much hate for the ones we love. Tell me we both matter don't we?" taking on special meaning.

All this doesn't really matter, of course, because as we've learned every Idol year before this, it doesn't actually matter how good the Final Two are - because the winner's single is always, without fail, total and utter pants.

Maybe Dicko was talking about the song?

Trumpeter and (ex?) sailor Carl Risely was the last to be kicked off Australian Idol prior to the grand final, leaving Natalie Gauci and Matt Corby in the final two.

Oddly enough, considering most would've assumed Matt Corby to be most popular, Gauci - "the Gauch", according to an unusually excitable Marcia - was the first to be declared safe, meaning she'd garnered the most points.

Andrew G was naturally quick to rain on that particular parade, maintaining that there was 4% between "first" and "second".

We'll miss Carl's warbling (and wish they'd let him be more Chet Baker-esque and have his trumpet with him all the time, as those performances - It's Not Unusual in particular - were always miles above the rest) but it was probably his time to go some weeks ago, let alone last night.

Tips for the finale? We're stumped, actually! "The Gauch" has pulled off quite an impressive Cosima (without the 'nodgews') in the final dash, and Corby isn't as popular as he once was, so we'll just hope for one thing: that the stylists don't fuck up the female finalist's wardrobe choices for this year's Opera House gig.

It's not much to ask.