mums
Victoria’s Secret Catalogue Subscribers Prepare ‘Miranda Kerr’s Mum’ Voodoo Dolls
12:30PM Clem Bastow | In the scheme of celebrity news, there’s nothing better than a theoretical tragedy/scandal/disaster, i.e. when someone does an interview and talks about how they almost didn’t take that audition call/burnt their face off when their can of Pepsi fell into a deep fryer/found themselves trapped under a train, but it’s okay, because they didn’t, and here we all are, and isn’t it great to be me, er, them. So step right up, Gunnedah princess and Victoria’s Secret Angel Miranda Kerr, and tell us about how your Mum almost ruined your glittering modelling career, but didn’t!
When talent scouts followed up photos of Miranda, sent to Dolly magazine’s annual model search contest in 1997, Therese admits she tried to foil their plans from the very start.
More » 
Sobs All ‘Round As Mum Buys Opera-Singing Bullied Son A Curry
12:28PM Clem Bastow | We were reading yesterday about Britain’s Got Talent’s latest sob-story contestant – a schoolboy from the council estates, Andrew Johnston, who is bullied for singing opera and choral at church – and thinking the whole thing smacked rather strongly of spin. Paul Potts Syndrome, if you will.
That was until we a) saw him sing, and b) read the follow-up story on today’s news.com.au coverage, and started blubbling like babies at his mum’s reaction to the fuss over her talented son. Call us softies (and you’d be right), but we don’t think there’s anything that isn’t geniune about mum Morag’s response:
“This has been an expensive day for us, traveling down to the audition, but it’s so special for him – it’s something he will never forget,” she said.
“Now we’ll go back on the train in luxury, and we’ll get him an Indian meal. It’s all he’s been talking about.
“He does a paper round, but to say ‘well done’ I’ll buy him the computer game he’s been saving up for. And he can put the money toward buying a cage for his hamster Chubby instead.
“I’m so proud of him today. He has a brilliant voice. But no matter what he sounds like, he’s still just a young boy at heart.”
The train! A curry for dinner! A computer game! A CAGE FOR HIS HAMSTER CHUBBY!
Seriously, this is worse than that Hallmark ad with the old lady crying across the road, or the ducklings in the Kleenex box.
If Johnston doesn’t win this series of Talent, clearly the people of Britain have no hearts. More » 
Sienna Sees True Beauty Of “Ugly” Rhys, Accepts Proposal
2:49PM Clem Bastow | It’s taken them some time, but it looks like Rhys Ifans and Sienna Miller are finally engaged!
(And when we say “finally”, it’s only because in Hollywood, getting engaged at any point past the, say, three-month anniversary is like, totally taking it too slowly. And staying married for more than six months is a long haul worthy of a telegram from the Queen, or something.)
Who do we have to thank for distributing this happy news? Why, Ifans’ mum, naturally!
Ifans’ mum Beti-Wyn Evans revealed she’s delighted at the prospect of having Miller as her daughter-in-law.
She said: “They adore each other and I am so pleased for them. They make a fantastic couple. We think she is lovely, absolutely fantastic.”
No doubt this will be vindication to poor old Rhys, who was rather unfairly used to illustrate this Daily Mail story on beautiful women being more likely to have happy relationships with ugly men.
Come on, Rhys, ugly? We’d tap that, even in his grotty Reg Grundies from Notting Hill! Actually, come to think of it, especially in them… More » 
Kate Moss’ Mum Becomes Lila Grace’s Nanny; Takes Crash Course In Foreign Languages, Partying, Drug-Addict Rockstars
11:01AM Clem Bastow | Although it probably doesn’t put you in the line of fire when it comes to flying phones and punches, it would be fair to say that being the nanny of Kate Moss’ daughter Lila Grace is roughly the childcare equivalent of being Naomi Campbell’s PA, or maybe Britney Spears’ press officer: stressful and reasonably dangerous.
Not because Lila is a little terror – if anything, she looks rather serene, at least within the celebrity spawn spectrum – but more because of Moss’ hard-partying and jet-setting lifestyle, which has left some nannies with little birds and planets spinning around their heads.
Pity, then, the new employee: Moss’ mother Mary!
The supermodel’s current nanny, Jade Davidson, 21, has quit and her mother Mary, 54, is now taking over the turbulent reins – but not without some help from her daughter.
Jade, who is Sadie Frost’s younger sister, has written a rule book of advice for her mother, with tips on how to handle Kate’s hectic party lifestyle and her occasional fraught moods.
Sadie, Jade and their other sister Holly all clubbed together to buy Mary a ticket to India to have a holiday before she takes on the task of a lifetime.
Mary is understandably nervous, but Jade flew to India to be with her and give her two weeks of schooling on how to handle one of the most demanding and dynamic job descriptions going.
Together they filled two journals of advice, a Kate journal and a Lila Grace journal, packed full of tips and hints from Jade to Mary.
A friend said: “The books are bulging with phone numbers and techniques which Jade is handing over to her mum. Chief among them was how to handle Kate when she comes home after a rough night – and the answer is avoidance and silence.”
On the topic of Kate’s mother practicing “avoidance and silence” when her daughter comes home weaving?
ZIF MATE!
We’d say she’s more likely to practice “a smack on the bum with the back of the hairbrush and a few stern words before a comforting hug a couple of hours later”. Which is probably just what Kate needs, really. It’s a brainwave!
DEFAMER AUSTRALIA SLIGHTLY CONFUSED UPDATE!
Eagle-eyed Defamer readers have expressed their concern as to just whose mum is in fact becoming Lila Grace’s new nanny, and this may have something to do with the exceptional subediting skills being exhibited in the original story, which seems to be confused as to whether “Mary” is Moss’ mother, or former nanny Jade’s:
So who is this “Mary”? Is it Kate’s mum or Jade’s mum? Or just some bird from down the pub?
LILA GRACE IS IS MORTAL DANGER! More » 
