moral guardianship

Stuff Corey, We Want To Party With Australia’s Young Sports Stars!

9:58AM Clem Bastow | Not long after Swimming Australia told its young charges that they were not to post any more naughty snaps on their PERSONAL Facebook pages (evidently a bit of mind control a day helps swimmers work, rest, and play), the News Ltd trolls have been raiding the Facebook and MySpace galleries of just about every other young sporto in Australia – and the results are hilarious! You can see the Tele’s gallery here, but head over the jump for a few of our favourites. More »

Sbs Too Sexy For This Classification? That’s Unpossible!

4:36PM Clem Bastow | It’s safe to say that “watching movies on SBS to be culturally enlightened” is more or less the “I read Playboy for the articles” of the late-20th/early-21st Century. If it’s got bonking, sucking, fingering, jizzing, faffing or rutting, so long as it’s delivered either a) in another language, b) in an arty manner, or c) all of the above, SBS want to show it to YOU! Unfortunately, it seems the Australian Communications and Media Authority tuned in the one night when a Japanese schoolgirl wasn’t getting made an honest woman by a tentacle monster, and instead chose to check out the rather thoughtful and low-key documentary, Obscene Machines, which aired last year (with a rating of MA15+) – and they have a few things to discuss with SBS at dinner tonight, young man/lady! The documentary focused on how technology is used to spice up sex lives, including items such as robotic sex machines and vaguely life-like dolls. ACMA noted two segments that breached broadcasting rules and were unsuitable for screening in the MA15+ category. One two-and-a-half-minute segment featured close-up shots of a naked woman apparently being penetrated by a mechanical dildo; the other focused on an elderly man’s use of a life-like sex doll called Emma, modelled on his 18-year-old ex-wife. ACMA rejected SBS’s argument that a large proportion of the program dealt with the sexual activities of the old and disabled and was informational. “ACMA considers that the treatment of the subject matter in Obscene Machines is adult in nature and is therefore unsuitable for ordinary 15-year-old audience members,” it said in its report. We also watched Obscene Machines when it screened last year, and the only part we’d vaguely agree with the ACMA on is that the old dude with the barely-legal-looking Real Doll was a bit of a creep. The rest of it was actually quite wonderful, particularly the stuff about the disabled employing “bot sex” (i.e., with ‘robots’, not up the back door) to rediscover their sexuality, so it’s a shame the ACMA have to get all hot under the collar about this in particular. People who like to have sexy with Johnny 5 are people too, ACMA! More »

“Stupid” Ravers Annoy Police, Amuse Readers

9:10AM Clem Bastow | The News Ltd stable of newspapers loves nothing more than a rave, preferably an “illegal” one, to spice up their news coverage. It means they can waffle on about ecstasies and “party drugs” and, as they did here, reporters can memorably quote forum members’ reactions using only their screen-names (”Ralph Wiggum reported slabs of Smirnoff spirit-based drinks were selling for $240, and cans of spirits for $10″) because they are too scared of “ravers” to actually find some in real life and interview them (you know, they might put drugs in your drink!). So, we were pleased to see the latest installment in this fine tradition of journalistic excellence and moral guardianship: Hundreds of “stupid” partygoers danced millimetres from death at an underground dance party held at the base of a seaside cliff in Sydney’s east, police say. … Police Rescue Acting Sergeant Col Benton said it took two hours to evacuate 300 revellers over large slippery boulders and up one long ladder for their own safety. No one was injured. … “A number of the people were intoxicated in moderate to heavy states, both with alcohol and illegal drugs.” People at a rave were intoxicated? Good lord, these people are stupider than we first thought! As one thread on dance forums InTheMix suggested, how about a rave at Herald Sun HQ? More »

The Age Online Provides The First Irresponsible Photo Choice Of The Fashion Season

1:46PM Clem Bastow | We’ve long ago established that the “OMG EAT A SAMMICH, NICOLE” / “WHO ATE ALL THE PIES, FAT FATTY” approach to body image issues within the media is neither healthy nor helpful, but what about when we reach the edges of celebrity (who, let’s face it, will never be treated like actual human beings because they’re in fact sophisticated automatons) and head into ‘real people’ territory? It’s still open for debate, but it is suggested that certain images and stories can have a negative effect upon people suffering – or recovering – from eating disorders; it’s colloquially (amongst sufferers and recovered people) as “triggering”. Well, someone might like to take The Age Online’s photo editors aside and have a gentle word to them about the concept of “triggering”. To wit, this graphic from TheAge.com.au’s front page (linking to this story), which you will find after the jump – because, unlike CERTAIN MEDIA OUTLETS, Defamer Australia cares a lot: More »

The Bbc Ruins Christmas, Says Sorry; Bulk Orders Of Lumps Of Coal Comin’ Right Up

4:02PM Clem Bastow | Heartening news today that people have had jack of political correctness, after the BBC committed something tantamount to treason when they decided to bleep out the words “faggot” and “slut” from beloved seasonal favourite The Fairytale Of New York, by The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl. The Beeb emerged from the ensuing fracas with their tail firmly between their collective legs and a sorry look on all their faces. The BBC had said the full lyrics might be unsuitable for children hearing it on the morning school run in their parents’ car. But MacColl’s mother Jean lashed out at the decision. “I think it’s pathetic, I really do. It’s absolute nonsense. Really, this is too ridiculous,” she told BBC Radio 5 Live. “As a parent, whatever age your child is, you have to guide them. You would say, ‘well, some people talk like this’,” said Ms MacColl, whose daughter died in a boating accident in Mexico in December 2000. After relenting later in the day, Mr Parfitt explained that it was because the BBC believed there was no malicious intent in the words. “While we would never condone prejudice of any kind, we know our audiences are smart enough to distinguish between maliciousness and creative freedom,” he said. “In the context of this song, I do not feel that there is any negative intent behind the use of the words, hence the reversal of the decision.” Good to see that the people still have some power against our new broadcasting overlords. Hop on over the jump with a glass of eggnog or eight and enjoy a rollicking rendition of Fairytale to celebrate the triumph of good music over tedious moral guardianship. More »

If This Doesn’t Work, Nsw Govt Plans To Dack Offenders And Stun Them With Extended “Ya Mum” Barrage

12:38PM Clem Bastow | The NSW Government has hilariously (although also vaguely disturbingly, in a Clockwork Orange-ish manner) decided that the best way to deal with boy (and girl) racers is to force them to watch footage of their precious 3 Fast 4 Furious cars being smashed to smithereens at the wreckers. Honestly, not even Matt Stone and Trey Parker could make this stuff up. Police Minister David Campbell said film of the cars being destroyed would be publicly released. “Video footage of these once-prized possessions being turned into splintered, twisted scrap will be the clearest message yet to hoons that we’re serious about stamping out their behaviour and saving lives in the process.” Word that Iemma and Campbell would also jump up and down in front of the offenders while screaming “Nerny nerny ner!” and poking their tongues out could not be confirmed nor denied. More »

Charity Says Kerry Katona Probably Shouldn’t Keep Smoking While Pregnant; Sticking Fork In Toaster Not Great Idea Either

10:00AM Clem Bastow | The saga of Kerry “Chipshop” Katona’s current pregnancy continues, with a charity weighing into the hoo haa regarding her mother-to-be activities (that is, drinking, smoking, and possibly taking drugs). The UK’s Foundation for the Study of Infant Death has advised that Katona would be wise to give up the fags if she’s keen on having a trouble-free pregnancy and healthy baby. Not to cast aspersions on the fine people’s advice, but, well, duuhh. FSID Director Joyce Epstein said: “When we heard that Kerry Katona is pregnant and struggling to quit smoking, we wanted to offer our support. “Many women who smoke find it difficult to quit, but it’s important that they know the harm it can cause as an incentive for giving up. As Kerry has won mother of the year more than once, she has the opportunity to show that it can be done, and set an example for mothers in the same position.” Whether or not Katona actually listens to their advice is another thing, obviously. Given her exemplary behaviour as an expectant mother so far during this pregnancy, she’s just as likely to be seen pushing a bag of potatoes around in a stroller while asking strangers, “Isn’t my baby beautiful?” and then going into post-traumatic shock when she actually gives birth (which will likely happen at an Absolut-sponsored vodka drinking contest), because she thought babies came out of your nose. More »

Kerry Katona To Take Over From Dr Spock As Doyenne Of Baby And Child Care

9:46AM Clem Bastow | Kerry “Chipshop” Katona has recovered from her recent near-miscarriage nightmare and is celebrating as any expectant mother should: by slugging down the cocktails – and, like her pregnancy, they were not virgin. Chipshop was at the eye of a storm of kerfuffle during her last pregnancy when it was reported that she was taking coke, and it looks like this time is little different. Here’s the word from News Of The World, with their comedy all-caps included for effect. Kerry, twice Celebrity Mum of the Year, downed FOUR MARTINIS and a slug of VODKA in a pub with pals – despite being 12 weeks into an already troubled fourth pregnancy. Then she popped to a restaurant over the road for a Chinese meal – and puffed greedily on a ciggie outside in the cold. One surprised drinker said: “Everyone knows Kerry’s pregnant so it was a bit of a shock to see her drinking and smoking. “But she just said, ‘What the hell, a couple can’t hurt’. “She went to the bar and ordered pints for the others and Martini for herself. It was the same round when the others were buying – and she also had a shot of vodka. She knocked it back in one, winced and then wiped her hand across her mouth and put the glass down.” Attagirl! Given that this is NOTW, it is possible that we will also read that Kerry is due to give birth to a rare Patagonian tortoise in tomorrow’s edition, but her track record suggests that in this instance, this paragon of journalistic excellence may not be massaging as much of the data as they usually do. Cheers! More »

Channel [V] Puts Moral Responsibility To Younger Viewers On Ice

10:27AM Clem Bastow | Music network Channel [V] has been howled down after they called for viewers to send in their “favourite memories on ice”. The station claims it was a tie-in with the Will Ferrell movie, Blades Of Glory, but parents and watchdogs aren’t so sure, after SMSed entries featuring reminiscences about viewers’ experiences with the government’s favourite drug were also put to air. “Fair enough the question was supposed to be about ice-skating, but someone’s obviously being mischievous in the way they posed the question and then put all those responses up,” viewer Shelly Hanson said yesterday. “I’m a mother and a teacher and I was appalled to turn on the TV to see such irresponsible behaviour from a show that attracts teenagers – Channel V should be ashamed of themselves.” [V] sez the show was clearly rated MA and that the mums should shaddap, and that they are in fact developing a PSA-style program about ice. Hopefully this will involve wide-eyed James Mathison in deep discussion about ice bugs. More »

Calls For “Ninja Stab Toy” Ban; Pointing Finger And Saying “Bang!” Next To Go

9:10AM Clem Bastow | In news that suggests none of these people have ever played with an action figure, the Homicide Survivors Association has called for a Mattel action figure series – Naruto – to be banned from sale, and the Tele has coined our new favourite potential band name in the process: “ninja stab toy”. In one hand it holds a knife and its arms are programmed only to punch and stab. An accessory range of weapons – including throwing stars with leg holsters – is also available. Homicide Survivors Association founder Peter Rolfe said the toys taught children a very dangerous lesson. “I think there’s a link between playing with these toys and violent behaviour later.” Have these dudes heard of Batman/TMNT/He-Man/She-Ra…? Why single out this particular toy? We used to throw our Barbie dolls off the roof and then pour red ink all over their ‘corpses’, and we turned out fine! In any case, a casual glance of the toy-con forums reveals that there is a much clearer reason to ban Naruto action figures from sale. Quoth “Gunbuster718″, in the Toy News International forum, Bad Articulation. Mattel, it’s the 2000s, use ball joint crotches!! They messed up my favorite character in the lineup, Zabuza. He looks like Robert Smith dressed up as Brock from Pokemon dressed up as Zabuza. Checkmate, Mattel, checkmate. More »