misguided career changes

Krystal To “Sleep” Her Way To Hollywood Fame

11:39AM Clem Bastow | Krystal Forscutt – ex-Big Brother “star” and funbags-accoutred, hard-hitting sex columnist – has given up on chasing the big microphone in the sky and decided an acting career is going to be more fruitful than her short-lived singing jaunt. As you can see from our photo Krystal is obviously massively talented so as soon as David Lynch writes a film about a young woman who is the pod child of a man who had sex with a cantaloupe in a deserted army base in South America, she’s sure to be in line for that Oscar. In the meantime… Using every inch of her pnematic frame for fame, Forscutt has revealed she is hoping to “score the sort of girl-next-door type roles” normally reserved for leading ladies like her role model, Jessica Alba. Mercifully giving up on her singing career after tanking on It Takes Two earlier this year, the pin-up told FHM she’s focussed now on a feature film career. “It’s going to be a lot of hard work, a lot of castings and a lot of sleeping on people’s couches,” she said, prophetically. Yes, we hear those casting couches are really comfortable – ho, ho, ho! In all seriousness, though, has Krystal never watched America’s Next Top Model or MTV Spring Break? Where her ‘Kiss The Chef’-apron-style chest is something of a curiosity in Australia, reasonably pretty girls with a credit card boob job are a dime a dozen in Tinseltown. We await her next career move with bated breath – research scientist, perhaps? More »

Emmy Rossum’s (Orinoco) Flow Confuses Us

3:37PM Clem Bastow | We would’ve made this a YouTube Clip Of The Day, except that, well, it’s not really deserving of such an honour. In any case, you may have been aware that Hollywood starlet and nice young lady Emmy Rossum has had a music career in the pipeline for some time now. She appeared in Phantom of The Opera and has been on Broadway (i.e. she can actually sing), so we’re puzzled as to how her schtick has ended up sounding like Enya doing an Imogen Heap covers record (or possibly the other way around) to be sold only on the Home Shopping Network. We’d also like to meet the singing coach who advised her to pronounce the word “down” as “daaaaahhhne”, and plan to use said pronunciation in our day-to-day lives from now on. Just popping daaaaahhhne to the shops, toodles! More »