The pitter-patter of little feet is getting kind of annoying today at Defamer HQ, where news of not one, not two, not three, but four celebrity pregnancies and/or births have us hand-delivering sex-ed pamphlets to front desks everywhere from CAA to ICM. Even in this uncertain era of creative gas-rationing and looming SAG strikes, Hollywood seed is flying, and nowhere is it landing more conspicuously than in the always-competitive sphere comprising Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner; just when Damon and wife Luciana had welcomed Gia Zavala Damon into the cruel, cruel world, Garner confirmed her pregnancy with her and Affleck's own second child. Then, as the rivals regrouped to plot their escalation, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale went and blobbed at Cedars-Sinai:

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Continuing with our ongoing Defamer Decides 2008 political coverage (splashy logo forthcoming just as soon as we figure out how to work out another Photoshop 30-day free trial), we now bring you this new ONE campaign TV spot featuring Hollywood's most likable superstar and enviable nape-haver Matt Damon. The ad features the pedostache-free actor star soberly addressing the camera about their poverty-combating efforts. Fans should be warned, however, that the strange voices that soon emerge from Damon's lips are not the result of any multiple-personality disorders, secret hormone treatments, or Satanic possessions.

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It's pretty remarkable how someone as femme and shiny-haired as Zac Efron can achieve every man's goal of perfecting abs, biceps and pecs in the span of just one year. Last we checked, Zac was just a teenage song-and-dance kid who adored his skinny jeans collection, not a member of the Beefcake Of The Month club. As painful as this is to admit, we kind of, maybe, possibly may have had highly illegal and disturbingly hot dream scenarios in which we get to grab Zac's abs, biceps and pecs. As in the old version. Let us know if you agree after a quick look at how Scrawny Efron compares to McCounaghey Body Double Efron:

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Formerly a featured member of the Rapid Downsize club currently bowing down to newly slim star Colin Farrell, Matt Damon has notably chunked up for his role in the true story of an FBI whistleblower in Steven Soderbergh's The Informant. And despite the part's fun-filled requirements that he stop going to the gym and live on sweet potato pancakes with crème fraîche, Damon is reportedly feeling more than a bit self-conscious about his new frame. While Ben Affleck has taken the opportunity to relive his glory days as a funny sidekick, lashing out at Damon by nailing one-liners like "the man has to buy two seats on an airplane!", chubby Matt is fearing the month of November, when People announces his successor as "Sexiest Man Alive."

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Having already identified the source of the famous scruff from Guess the Celebrity Nape!, we now invite you to browse further sumptuous set stills from Steven Soderbergh's The Informant—where star Matt Damon can be found undertaking a harrowing physical transformation into paunchy, Mai Tai-loving, real-world whistleblower Mark Whitacre. Wait one second: agricultural price-fixing scams? Boooring. We have a better idea: What ever happened to that Summer School remake? We've got our perfect Mr. Shoop right here!

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Congratulations are in order this morning for Wayne McClammy, the first director ever to parlay a pair of unprintably named viral videos into a movie deal at a major studio. McClammy, whose Variety-redacted, Sarah Silverman-starring I'm Fucking Matt Damon and Jimmy Kimmel follow-up I'm Fucking Ben Affleck blew up earlier this year, was handed the reins for the Fox comedy Cool School, about "ad executives in their early thirties who are sent back to high school to learn how to be cool again." We'll reserve judgment for the time being — the script isn't even finished, and any way you slice it, it could be worse: At least Kevin Smith didn't wind up with a feature deal tied to that ill-advised Elizabeth Banks parody I'm Fucking Seth Rogen. What? He did? All right, well, no pressure, McClammy! No, literally — no pressure at all. [Variety]

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· Celebrity nape-haver Matt Damon will play South African rugby star Francois Pienaar in Clint Eastwood's Human Factor. Accent time! [Variety]
· Chuck creator Josh Schwartz declares "computer geeks...the new doctors and cops of television," by which he means a clichéd profession conspired upon by lazy writers and unimaginative network executives to oversaturate the TV landscape. [Variety]
· SAG is churning out more and more waivers with indie producers, guaranteeing production won't be interrupted after June 30 should something go horribly wrong with the negotiations. It's a limbo agents are referring to as "Waiverland," named for the union spokesman who signs the interim agreements, Kenneth Waiverland. [Variety]
· Bruce Willis will star in Kane & Lynch, a lesser-beloved-videogame adaptation for Lionsgate. [THR]
· Brian DePalma goes to the serial-killer well once more with The Boston Stranglers, written by former Diff'rent Strokes and Head of the Class writer Alan Rosen. No word yet on whether or not they'll throw Dan "Arvid" Frischman a bone. [THR]

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In the latest attempt by a Hollywood superstar to Oscar grub by radically transforming their physical appearance, former hard-body Colin Farrell is rapidly downsizing for his upcoming part as a war photographer in Triage. And while Farrell could use some credibility in the acting department following his recent string of flops, hacking off all these pounds doesn't look like the healthiest way to do it. But admittedly, dieting your way towards industry approval has been a Hollywood go-to trick for quite a while. We took a look back at some of his peers' most drastic weight losses, and as scary as the morphing process made them look, each part did bolster their respective careers dramatically:

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Remember those Eyeball Benders at the back of Games magazine? No? OK, never mind. Let's just call this a photoquiz! Everyone loves a photoquiz—triple that when it's a Celebrity Photoquiz. And so now we gesture in the vicinity of the above photo—a graceful study of the nape (one of the most underrated body-parts) of an Oscar-winning superstar. Any guesses? The answer is after the jump:

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· Man, we are SO glad we made the decision not to invest any of our time watching John Adams. Wake us when it's over. [YouTube]
· Sarah Silverman and Matt Damon are fucking a dead horse. Indeed. [CC Insider]
· Hate sci-fi but love international politics? Vulture's guide to Season Four of Battlestar Galactica is just what the spin doctor ordered. [Vulture]
· Mena Suvari not only plays work out tapes by Fonda, but we also hear she's got a motor in the back of her Honda. Most surprising/disgusting shots of Suvari since she took a dump on camera in Spun. [Egotastic]

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