marty simpson

Idol Round-Up: Marty’s Idol Journey So Thrilling It Takes A Day To Recover Before We Announce His Leaving

9:29AM Clem Bastow | In a show of resilience as confounding as Australian Idol has seen since the weird old days of Hayley Jensen, laidback™ surfer dude® Marty Simpson has finally been vamoosed from the talent quest. Sadly for Marty, viewers didn’t warm to his awkward brand of “big band” style (his Light My Fire was like Jack Johnson subjecting Jose Feliciano to slow and agonising water torture) and he becomes this year’s fourth-place-getter. We’re now firmly “on the road to the Opera House” and, failing a Cosima De Vito style shock exit, we’re putting our tips on a Carl and Natalie finale, as it’s entirely possible that Matt Corby will a) wear another women’s nightie or b) choose another obscure song that will freak out the little girls and fall by the wayside. However, we will not be placing any actual bets because, as we all know, Idol is nothing if not bitterly disappointing year after year unpredictable. More »

Our Shoddy Photoshop Skills Prove Prescient In Picking Idol Romances

11:47AM Clem Bastow | Turns out Marty was copping a feel of Idol’s Lana, as we surmised a week or so ago, as Kyle Sandilands got Marty to admit (in a round-about way) on his radio show. Lana, who was booted on Monday night, has admitted she will “keep in touch” with the surfer dude and Police fan, which is code for “we will be having lots of R-rated iChat sessions when my parents are out of the house”. The Idol judge said he asked Marty if he was “going the distance” with little Lana, 17, because everyone was talking about it – and the singer’s response was, “Yeah”. Lana admitted there was an attraction between the pair. But she said nothing happened besides “a couple of cuddles”. “A couple of cuddles”?! Judging by Matt Corby and Brianna “Quirky” Carpenter’s fast hands in the spa-bath, which were brushed off as just fun between mates, lord knows what “a couple of cuddles” could stand for! If only Idol itself could be as entertaining on-screen as this year’s off-duty escapades. More »

Idol Marty Feeling A Right Tit

10:46AM Clem Bastow | We were all wondering just what Kyle was going on about during Idol on Sunday night when he referred to the “hard time” surfer dude Marty was having with “rumours”, given that we’d heard nothing of the sort. Well, it appears Kyle wasn’t just shooting off his mouth, and that Police fan and questionable tattoo-sporting Marty has his eyes – and hands – on one of his fellow contestants. “As soon as I finished, the publicity crew flew around and said: ‘please don’t tell anyone that Marty’s doing one of the girls in the house’,” Sandilands said on his 2Day FM brekky show yesterday. As to just who they are all talking about, well, we have no idea – the pic accompanying this piece is just an artistic impression of what might be going on. Just sayin’ is all. More »

Idol Round-Up: Ben McKenzie Makes Clearasil’s Celebrity-Endorsement Team Rub Their Hands Together With Glee, Marty Simpson’s Accent Added To Australian Citizenship Exam As ‘How-To’ Example

10:45AM Clem Bastow | Next two through to Final 12: Ben McKenzie, Marty Simpson Finally, some decent vote-throughs in this year’s Australian Idol, though Group Three was largely an embarrassment of vocal riches (in Idol terms, at least), apart from dull-as-dishwater Radiohead fan Dave Andrews, who made John Farnham’s Freedom sound like the on-hold music at Dido & Dave Matthews Sleep Therapists Inc, and will no doubt be enjoying a long and fruitful career in Newcastle’s open-mic nights. More »