make-up
Nicola Girls Aloud’s Makeup Range: No Darkies Allowed!
2:27PM Clem Bastow | Hold your horses, politically correct types! Naturally, when we say “darkies”, we mean “nothing darker than unbleached toilet paper or quartz sand”.
Yes, Nicola, Girls Aloud’s pale and fragile member (not the first time her milky-white limbs have made news, either), has branched out into the wonderful world of celebrity “product” and has launched a range of makeup specifically for lasses with paler complexions.
As part of an ITV challenge, Nicola apparently realised a “life-long dream” by launching the range of sun-sensible slap.
She said: “For years I felt like the ugly one in Girls Aloud. I was tall, skinny, with red hair and the whitest skin you’ve ever seen – standing next to to four of the most gorgeous girls in Britain.
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Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Clutching At Straws Edition
10:39AM Clem Bastow | Evidently Winegums has stayed out of the public eye for today’s session of facial cigarette-stubbing and pustulation, as the Mail have resorted to their age-old filler technique – drawing questionable ’separated at birth’-style conclusions about celebrities’ personal appearance!
This round, after Scooter from work experience was sentenced to spend five hours in the photo archive, they’ve decided that maybe, it’s possible, in some way, perhaps, Amy Winehouse might be, possibly, taking style tips from none other than the original diva, Maria Callas!
She’s been hailed as a style icon and is reportedly launching her own range of clothes and make-up, but has Amy Winehouse been taking tips from another singer?
For Winehouse has been looking increasingly similar to Opera singer Maria Callas who died in 1977.
Her retro look of thick brows, heavy black liquid eyeliner and rouge lips appear to be inspired by the soprano’s iconic style which is almost identical.
Well, we can’t argue with that – that’s cold, hard facts, that is.
The Daily Mail photo department should be assigned all of history’s greatest unsolved mysteries; we feel confident they could work them out. More » 
Amy Winehouse Round-Up: Kiss And Make-Up
9:51AM Clem Bastow | We can’t say we were particularly surprised when we read this morning that Amy Winehouse is rumoured to be launching a signature line of clothing, accessories and make-up – it’s the celebrity way. And you know, just as we loved to douse ourselves in Impulse Spice, we wouldn’t say no, no, no (arf!) to a can of Amy Winehouse hairspray, either.
However, we were less than impressed with the way the Daily Telegraph decided to report on the ‘news’:
As if that weren’t enough, they felt the need to stick the boot in a little harder on the actual page, with the shouty caption “TOTAL TRASHBAG … WOULD YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE THIS?” Well, we’d rather look like that than a News Ltd “Fashion & Beauty” reporter.
You lay off our Winegums, News Ltd chumps, or it’ll be handbags at dawn. More » 
Keira Knightley’s Handy Make-up Tips For Flat-chested Girls, Drag Queens, Etc
11:24AM Clem Bastow | If you’ve seen Atonement or Pride And Prejudice – or, really, just seen Keira Knightley out and about – then you would be aware that the lovely lass is about as busty as co-star James McEvoy. So, you might also have been confused when, in the Pirates Of The Caribbean trilogy, she appeared to be bustin’ out all over like nobody’s business.
Well, Knightley has helpfully revealed the decidedly retro tricks of the trade that gave her cleavage its heaving depth in all those ripped bodices – good, old-fashioned make-up!
It was all an illusion, made possible by the film-studio art of “bosom make-up”. It is a skill from Hollywood’s golden age that fell out of favour with the advent of silicone enhancement.
Miss Knightley said: “They painted my tits on me for the films, which is extraordinary because it’s kind of a dying art form – in the past, they used to have whole sections of the studios devoted to bosom make-up.
“And I loved it, completely loved it. Because it was the first time in my life I had big tits, and I didn’t even need surgery.’
She said the process of creating the cleavage took 45 minutes every morning before filming started.
A make-up artist would apply a slightly darker shade of base make-up between Miss Knightley’s own breasts to create a shadow to increase the ‘cleavage effect’.
Beginner drag queens, male participants in Year 12 muck-up week “cross-dressing day”, sit up and take note. “Boobs” drawn on with black texta will no longer cut it. More » 