Well, not really - but he's just so bloody nice, humble and well adjusted that I thought I'd have a little fantasy time in the title of this piece. Anyway, after winning two Logies at Sunday's ceremony, Chris Lilley admitted he's not ready to retire all of his Summer Heights High characters just yet.

And then he probably helped an old lady out of her car, carried an expectant mother's shopping for her, and donated 96% of his income to a charity that helps save adorable puppies.

"I really like the idea of bringing characters back, like I did with (Ja'mie) from the previous series (We Can Be Heroes)," he said.

"I'd love to bring them back because it's really sad when you have to leave them behind."

Asked if he had a favourite, Lilley said he is "fond of them all".

Sorry, ranga!

If you're one of those fans who just can't wait to see what your favourite Australian star wears to the Logies, you'll likely be excited by this news: about 90% of the Logies frocks - which are borrowed for the night - are on their way back to the designers.

However, those wishing to snap one up and wring out the sweat of their idol may be disappointed: not all the dresses are going back on sale. But that won't stop them from sniffing under the arms looking!

A few will be kept in designers' stores for customers to try on, but a handful - including Lauren and Patti Newton's frocks - will hit clearance stores at a discount.

Fans of Sibylla Budd can walk into designer Gwendolynne Burkin's Fitzroy store to try on her near-$4000 dress.

But it's not for sale, and the best her fans can do is order one the same, as a few did for her flowing, heavily beaded oyster-coloured dress by Gwendolynne for last year's AFI Awards.

The $3000-$4000 Mariana Hardwick dresses worn by Lauren and Patti Newton will be part of a Logies gowns display in the designer's Sydney Rd, Brunswick, store by the end of the week.

Forget this year's frocks, though - I'm still trying to find out where I can get my hands on Sandra Sully's Technicolour dream dress from last year. And to think those scurrilous rumourmongers say she likes a bong or four...

After last night's Logies, Bindi Irwin can add another piece of hardware to the trophy cabinet, and no doubt she's making some room in there in anticipation of receiving one of those awkwardly shaped ARIAs in a couple of months time.

Two things I would like to note.

Firstly -

An excitable and articulate Bindi said she was shocked to win.

"This is so exciting. I can't believe it," she said on accepting the gong at Melbourne's Crown Entertainment Complex. I'd definitely like to dedicate this to my mum and dad, and I would also like to thank everybody out there who helped to watch Bindi: the Jungle Girl. It's so nice and I'd also like to thank John Stainton, who has helped me all the way through. Thank you very much. Eeeeeeee!"

Yep. Even seeing it in the written form, that blood-curdling scream of glee (perhaps a shout out in her native tongue, Animalese, to her four legged supporters watching from their enclosures at Australia Zoo?) still makes me shudder a little bit in fright.

Secondly -

Bindi has already decided where her Logie is going.

"Straight to the pool room," she said.

Oh, Bindi. Regurgitating one liners from beloved Australian films will not be enough to endear you to the Australian public. You scare them. But what can you do? You know no other life than to perform for the camera. Just like Britney. Can we really judge you for doing that which you were born and raised to do?

Yes. It freaks us out.

Yet another live blog - it's not even been a week since the last one! Obviously someone is a total glutton for punishment, but you'll have to decide in your own time whether it is yours truly, the blogger who spits in the face of A Life and happily stays in for eighteen hour chunks of horrible television viewing, or you - the beloved reader who is prepared to read someone else's thoughts on eighteen hours of horrible television viewing.

As long as we stick together, we'll get through this evening. I promise.

Oh, and guess what? We're very excited to have our very own Defamer Australia Deep Throat at the Logies this year, and they've promised to send us ridiculous and potentially libelous snippets of gossip via the magic of SMS! Who is it? I am absolutely unable to tell you, as our new BFF Sonia Kruger made us swear to keep our mouths shut. JUST KIDDING. It's someone else, and they're great, and we're looking forward to hearing an insider's perspective through out the night.

So let's meet back here at Hell O'Clock and do this shizz after the jump.

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Adam Hills, he of the perpetually amused demeanour and Spicks & Specks hosting duties, was one of the few surprise - in a good way - nominees for this year's Gold Logie. And when we say "surprise", naturally we meant it in a "probably won't win and is lucky just to get a table at the Logies" kind of way. No disrespect or nuffin', it's just that Gold Logie land is generally the realm of the Colgate-smiling soapie star.

That could all be about to change, however, with the news that Hills' Logies odds have shortened considerably, according to one bookmaker, to second favourite!

A mystery punter has sent Hills's odds plummeting from $41 to $8 with Lasseters Sportsbook.

While Hills suspects that Melbourne comedy duo Hamish Blake and Andy Lee are behind the plunge, he said he would be over the moon if the backer was a fan.

Hills said he was bemused by the punter's show of faith and would not do anything to dim his chances.

"My number one aim is to try not to disgrace myself in the media between now and the awards," he said. "I think I'll be shaking a lot of hands and kissing a lot of babies."

It remains to be seen whether Hills will actually cash in these odds, but the Logies is close to Defamer Australia's favourite annual awards ceremony, so we look forward to tuning in with a glass or fifteen of Passion Pop and cheering the night away.

It's going to take more than a Gold Logie nomination to get Andrew Denton to break his tradition of watching the awards ceremony in the comfort of his own home whilst wearing his pyjamas.

... on the night of May 4, when the industry elite turn out at Melbourne's Crown Casino for the 50th Logies, the host of Enough Rope With Andrew Denton hopes to be tucked up at home.

"Don't get me wrong, I love the Logies, but I think the best way to watch them is at home on the couch in my jammies," he said.

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Not only has Chris Lilley managed to hit the ARIA charts with his 'Naughty Girl' masterpiece - sure, down to #12 this week but we still suspect he's got more of a chart future than the poor Young Divas these days - but he's now one of the contenders for the coveted little gold man at the Australian showbiz glittering night of nights, the Logies!

It's a battle of the golden girls and some of the small screen's favourite hosts for this year's Gold Logie, Australian television's biggest award.

ABC Television's Andrew Denton, Chris Lilley and Adam Hills, and Ten's Rove McManus will vie against former winners Kate Ritchie and Lisa McCune for this year's Gold Logie for Australia's most popular television personality.

Neighbours star Natalie Blair and All Saints veteran John Howard round out the nominees.

Will he win it? The competition is indeed tough. The lovely Adam Hills is certainly adored by Spicks and Specks fans (and lord knows, the sell out live show the Spicks team toured around the country not that long ago proved there are huuuuuuuge numbers of folk who go weak at the knees for Adam's affable charms) but are Spicks enthusiasts TV Week readers? Kate Ritchie has obviously won the nation's heart after clocking in over 20 years at Home & Away, and she's also now a radio star, so she's a strong contender. But Rove McManus is an almost - almost - unstoppable Gold Logie winning force most years... although Lisa McCune may "bring it" once more. The John Howard it's okay to like strikes us as John Wood v2.o (which means we don't think he's in with a chance), and we'd like to think Natalie Blair is an outsider for this award, but you never know, people are strange - especially those who vote for the Logies.

In short - we'd like to see Chris Lilley win, we'd be pleasantly surprised if Adam Hills pulled it off, we'd expect to see Kate Ritchie, Rove McManus or Lisa McCune delivering a thank you speech, and we'd fall over in shock if John Howard, Andrew Denton or Natalie Blair sauntered off stage clutching the Gold.

To be honest we'd completely forgotten about "hilarious" National Bingo Night "Bingo Commissioner" Tanveer Ahmed - you know, "Nooooo bingo!" dude, who was probably made more memorable by his frequent unauthorised appearances on The Chaser.

He hasn't forgotten his own importance, however, and is railing against the organisers of the Logie Awards, because the "Ball Room Girl" has been nom'd and he hasn't. This, apparently, constitutes great "injustice". Read and learn, kids:

"The process of selection for Logie nominees must be called into question when the Bingo Commissioner [him] gets knocked back behind Renee Bargh, the ball girl," he railed.

"Realistically, the show flopped but the popularity and impact of the Bingo referee character [him again] was far beyond the short lifespan and lukewarm ratings of the program."

Anyone want to place bets on a Falling Down-esque public meltdown soon? He'll probably go on an indiscriminate rampage, burning down bingo halls and shouting, "The Bingo Commissioner just wanted a time to shine! Is that too much to ask?!"

Surprising absolutely no one in the Australian showbiz industry, Grant Denyer has now apologised for his comments yesterday describing his Logies hangover as similar to being pounded by a beautiful, strong, totally hung African American porn star (PARAPHRASED).

Denyer appeared on Seven's Today Tonight show last night to apologise.

"If anyone was offended by that, I certainly do apologise. Anyone who knows me knows I wouldn't go out to offend," he said.

"It was a wobbly joke, made way too early in the morning."

The real question is, can A Current Affair maintain the rage now that Grant's acting suitably chastised for at least another episode? Oh, we hope so. The Today Tonight / A Current Affair ongoing fisticuffs situation isn't getting old at all.

CONTROVERSY ALERT!

Channel Seven "personality" and high achieving showbiz midget Grant Denyer made a big mistake this morning whilst speaking to NOVA969's Merrick and Rosso when he described his post Logies exhaustion as being akin to having sex with a black man.

In response to a question about his condition after the Logies, Denyer, who hosts Seven's It Takes Two show, said he had slept for only two hours after the awards night.

"So it was a big old day … let me say I'm feeling like I had sex with a black man right now," he said.

Denyer made another reference to his sexual analogy at the end of the segment, saying "I'll be the host who looks like he's been riding a horse for a week."

We had no idea the Logies after parties were such anal sex fests, but there you go.

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