In the "special skills" area on the back of her headshot, renaissance woman Jennifer Lopez is able to list so very many things: whispery acting, AutoTune proficiency, early 1990s dance mastery... the list goes on and on. Still, there is one useful Hollywood skill that La Lopez has always been cagey about showing off, and it's her intimate familiarity with Scientology. Though her dad has been a Scientologist for over twenty years and Lopez pals around with famous L. Ron disciples like Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Leah Remini, she tells the Daily Beast that she's still a free agent — though her new twins might not be so lucky:

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· Leah Remini is in talks to join the daytime TV circuit with a new series "not necessarily thinking along the lines of a traditional talk show." Details are tight, but rumours of a home-shopping/variety hour—in which you can call in your orders for Pea-Org Vitamin-Enriched Pureed Baby Delight™ while delighting to the musical comedy stylings of Martin Short—sound promising. [THR]
· The Slate's Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter will star in Comedy Central's Michael and Michael Have Issues, a comedy sketch show. [THR]
· Savor that LAT hard-edition. Tribune reports a...*spittake*...$4.5 billion dollar loss. [Variety]
· E! has hired former New Line TV exec Beth Greenwald as their VP of original programming and series development, where she'll oversee a whole new slate of reality shows about the lives of fame-hungry hydras, including the exciting Living Jackie Stallone. [Variety]
· Sid Ganis has been re-elected president of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences, ensuring you a lengthy and satisfying pee-break at this year's Oscars. [Variety]

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This probably won't come as a surprise to anyone who witnessed her seemingly hating every minute she spent pregnant, but new mum Jessica Alba has joined that elite niche of stars who lost all their baby weight at insanely rapid speeds. But the methods some celebrities have confessed to using when it comes to accelerating the path towards reclaiming their old figures don't sound entirely sane. From suffering through cabbage soup diets to dropping $50,000 on gym equipment in an effort to slim down at paces up to 14 days after giving birth, the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Gwyneth Paltrow, Nicole Richie and others have some highly unique and scary track records. Which stars drunk themselves into wine-induced oblivion and trusted online blood tests to reach their goals, after the jump.

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We've become just about as well-versed as we want to when it comes to the bizarre practices of Scientologists, which run the gamut from silent birth to e-meters. But after hearing that Katie Holmes' precious little Suri is still on the baby bottle even after turning 2 years old, and that fellow Scientologist mummy Leah Remini's "sweet witty pain in the ass" 3-year old Sophia still drinks six bottles a night, we discovered some disturbing tales from other members of the cult religion who used "Hubbard's baby formula," only to wind up with "thin and colicky" toddlers that had their "baby teeth destroyed" and "screamed themselves to death." But as the defiant Remini says in this clip, "I could see her drinking a bottle 'til she's 16." More details on Hubbard's toxic formula that was developed using methods from Ancient Rome (!!!) after the jump.

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