krystal forscutt
Former Big Brother Star Krystal Forscutt Is Australia’s Most Beautiful Woman
3:00PM Jess McGuire | Yes, Gaelan’s former paramour Krystal Forscutt, a woman who never met a men’s magazine cover she didn’t like, is officially the most beautiful woman in Australia. Okay, there wasn’t a vote or anything, but her brand new manager Max Markson has told us! And he’d know better than anyone!
The lads’ mags favourite and former Big Brother star has a new chaperon to spruik her assets, sorry talents. The pneumatic bikini babe, who can list pop star Kanye West among her admirers, is now handled by Max Markson. She was at the GQ Men of the Year Award Not one to undersell anything, Markson announced his new client as “the most beautiful girl in Australia!”
Need For Speed: Pro Street!
Let’s learn a little more about her new manager courtesy of his official website bio, shall we? More » 
Kanye West Is A Fan Of Krystal Forscutt; In Other News, There Is No God
11:55AM Clem Bastow | There are times, in the life of a fan, where one is confronted with a detail about one’s beloved star that makes it difficult to keep on loving them. When I was 14, it was the news that Noah Wyle from e.r. was a smoker. A few years back, it was Beck’s return to Scientology’s embracing bosom. And, speaking of bosoms, the latest disappointment: Kanye West apparently thinks Big Brother “discovery” and Zoo Magazine “columnist” Krystal “Bazoongas” Forscutt is a bit of alright.
Grammy award-winning rapper Kanye West has given lad’s mag favourite Krystal Forscutt a serious career boost, posting more than 40 shots of the former Big Brother star on his personal blog.
More » 
Big Brother’s Emma Has Joined The Doorbitch Union!
12:16PM Jess McGuire | Remember Emma Cornell from last year’s Big Brother? We know, we know – it’s strangely hard to recall the many amazing and in no way bland Dreamworld residents who molested our eye sockets on a nightly basis last year, but if you really, really strain yourself, you will probably faintly recollect a blonde catty young thing whose estranged father died during her time in the house but no one informed her of the fact (although some eviction night audience members tried their hardest) because they didn’t want to ruin her “experience” and the feverish media debate on ethics that followed.
Not ringing any bells? Well, perhaps you remember her post-eviction spread for Zoo Weekly? Yeah, that’s the one.
Moving on. In this fairly dull excuse to make reference to Krystal Forscutt’s gravity defying rack, we were tickled to note the following tidbit about Big Brother’s Emma and her latest career. More » 
Call Us Cynical…
11:39AM Jess McGuire | … but, dear Sydney Confidential, is it really possible to justify a special “in depth” section on your website for Krystal Forscutt? Heath Ledger we can understand, Kim Kardashian not so much… but Krystal?
Is there any depth to the massively jugged Zoo Weekly lass? We’ve perused your special Forscutt feature page and from what we can tell, it’s essentially a diary of the adventures of her norgs, with the linked pieces filled with words and terms like “busting”, “ample”, “pump up”, “personal assets”, and “naked ambition” which gives the whole thing a delightful Carry On! feel.
Krystal’s tits visit a game show!
Krystal’s tits go to East Timor!
Krystal’s tits go to Channel Seven to audition for It Takes Two!
Krystal’s tits look for property in Bondi!
Still, any excuse for a picture gallery, eh?
WE STILL LOVE YOU, CONFIDENTIAL!
We just don’t understand why you think a special Krystal Forscutt section would be appealing to people clicking their way through the maze that is The Interwebs.
Oh, right. As you were. More » 
Krystal To “Sleep” Her Way To Hollywood Fame
11:39AM Clem Bastow | Krystal Forscutt – ex-Big Brother “star” and funbags-accoutred, hard-hitting sex columnist – has given up on chasing the big microphone in the sky and decided an acting career is going to be more fruitful than her short-lived singing jaunt.
As you can see from our photo Krystal is obviously massively talented so as soon as David Lynch writes a film about a young woman who is the pod child of a man who had sex with a cantaloupe in a deserted army base in South America, she’s sure to be in line for that Oscar.
In the meantime…
Using every inch of her pnematic frame for fame, Forscutt has revealed she is hoping to “score the sort of girl-next-door type roles” normally reserved for leading ladies like her role model, Jessica Alba.
Mercifully giving up on her singing career after tanking on It Takes Two earlier this year, the pin-up told FHM she’s focussed now on a feature film career.
“It’s going to be a lot of hard work, a lot of castings and a lot of sleeping on people’s couches,” she said, prophetically.
Yes, we hear those casting couches are really comfortable – ho, ho, ho!
In all seriousness, though, has Krystal never watched America’s Next Top Model or MTV Spring Break? Where her ‘Kiss The Chef’-apron-style chest is something of a curiosity in Australia, reasonably pretty girls with a credit card boob job are a dime a dozen in Tinseltown.
We await her next career move with bated breath – research scientist, perhaps? More » We Are Inspired By This Tale Of Starting A Rumour And Then Exclusively Being The First To Quash It.
4:36PM Jess McGuire | This story, hidden in that dull borefest bit of the press known as Tech section (sorry, but we can’t approve of anything with such limited Paris Hilton coverage, you see), has pumped us right the fuck up this afternoon.
Rumours of a cheaper, slimmer iPhone coming out later this year have been shot down by the same analyst firm that first reported them yesterday.
We can apply sort of thing this to our own particular brand of blogging journalism and plan on starting quite shortly!
DEFAMER AUSTRALIA EXCLUSIVE!
Zoo Weekly columnist, chesticle support system and future Walkley Award Winner Krystal Forscutt will be making her music debut in the not too distant future with her management exclusively revealing to Defamer Australia that the distractingly bapped ex Big Brother contestant has recorded a cover of Snow’s Informer! Industry insiders have informed us that Forscutt’s rendition is “daring, edgy, and may well push her into the Stephanie McIntosh stratosphere of stardom – if not the Tammin Sursok level of celebrity!”
BE SURE TO CHECK DEFAMER AUSTRALIA TOMORROW
… when we exclusively reveal that recent rumours doing the rounds of Krystal Forscutt’s impending pop career were merely the daydreams of a delusional mystery figure on the internerd. Forscutt’s management have confirmed – EXCLUSIVELY – to Defamer Australia that Forscutt is quite happy with her current career advising young women on cum guzzling, and has no plans to break into the music business.
Etc.
(We have never read Krystal’s column but assume that’s the jizz gist of it.) More » 
