Sex and the City: The Movie—already a sacred Women's Studies text, pored over on campuses throughout the country as the prototypical example of early-21st Century "shoe-me" feminism—has found itself on the receiving end of some of the most petty and vicious critiques of any movie in ages. There was Rex Reed's NY Observer review, in which Reed spent the first 90 words obsessing over Sarah Jessica Parker's chin growth, and likened to the cast to "plow mules in lipstick," and Anthony Lane's subtler ("...thudding closeups of her slurping through a cocktail straw or swallowing a mouthful of guacamole..."), but no less nauseated, take on the film's middle-aged stars in the New Yorker. Now, approaching its fourth week of release, the hits keeps coming. From Page Six:

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What would a Sex And The City movie premiere be without bouts of drama worthy of the show itself? While last night's premiere in New York looked glamorous on camera, on the scene it was another story entirely. From a controversial remark made by the franchise's token villainness to fashion mishaps to thousands of ticketless die-hard fans ending up in tears, the scene outside Radio City Music Hall last night was chaotic and Cosmo-drenched. And that was just the crowd! As for the stars of the film, there were signs that sex-despising Sarah Jessica Parker's co-stars weren't entirely pleased to pose in front of the movie's poster (you know, the one that they don't even appear on). All the scandals and controversy, plus the highs and lows of the cast's fashion choices, after the jump.

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It was only a matter of time 'til everyone's collective inside joke about Sex And The City sounding a whole lot like Sex And The Shitty accidentally escaped from one talking head's mouth. And of all the people to do it, we couldn't be happier that fuzzy ol' Dave Letterman was the one to (oops!) say this particular darndest thing out loud. Because how exactly can sweet-as-sugar Kristin Davis get mad at sweet-as-butterscotch Dave? Sure, we could all get irritated at Paul seizing the blooper as an opportunity to get all curse-happy up on the set, but when Dave pulls out the passive aggressive jab at the Most Important Movie Of All Time, even its soberific star has to laugh along. Even when he goes so far as to bypass any discussion of the shitty film whatsoever.

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It took several years for the ladies of Sex And The City to finally figure that whole mobile phone thingie out (Carrie's neon pink contraption in the series finale was one of the cutest/saddest attempts by a TV show to be "cool" we've ever seen) and, as these two leaked clips from the movie show, it's taken them until now to conquer the Booty Text discussion. In the first clip — spoiler-phobes should avoid there eyes starting NOW — Sarah Jessica Parker brags to her assistant, played by Jennifer Hudson, about her texting ignorance before launching into a wink-filled lecture on what exactly your 20s, 30s and 40s are all about. And in the second, SJP brags to her hags about her brand new apartment before launching into a wink-filled lecture on boys 'n real estate. We haven't been winked at so many times since...the series finale of Sex And The City.

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What is it about London that makes otherwise prim actresses turn into girls gone wild? At last night's premiere of SATC: The Movie across the pond, sex book author and Police Academy alum Kim Cattrall decided to do away with those pesky accessories we're all (aside from Britney) forced to wear in public: her shoes. The good news? As Cameron Diaz proved at the premiere of Charlie's Angels, walking the red carpet barefoot attracts some great press. The bad? Cattrall's shoe-less night on the town revealed the most frightening pair of tootsies we've seen in recent memory, and Kim's reported late-night behaviour was eerily reminiscent of the night Renee Zellweger painted London red last month.

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An early warning to SATC fans reading: potential spoilers lay ahead. That said, we have caught wind of one of the most intriguing (some might argue, the only intriguing) rumours regarding what to expect from the Most Important Movie Of The Year. It involves the possibility that one of the main Sex And The City characters, namely Mr. Big, will bite the bullet in the Cosmo-drenched show's big-screen debut. And director Michael Patrick King has been ingeniously coy when it comes to responding to all the death chatter:

"I did want an emotional roller-coaster but...Kill Mr. Big? I would have been chased around the planet by women with torches. It's a summer movie. Why would I want to kill anyone?"

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Okay, you clever SATC minxes. Your masterfully executed plan to generate press for The Most Important Movie Of The Year Century has officially come full-circle. First, Kristin Davis just happened to appear all over our computer screens being attacked by a massive Segel, then Cynthia Nixon gave a far more ladylike interview breaking the news of her former struggle with breast cancer. But today, in "Me Too!" attempts to pipe in and get their names in the papers, both Sarah Jessica "Sex Is Icky" Parker and Kim Cattrall are gabbing and blabbing about completely irrelevant and ancient stories about marriage and age-old rumours. But hearing about how SJP's marriage sucks and how Kim likes money don't really compare to inspirational disease fighters and nudie photos. Though, it is shamefully fun to hear Parker tell us once again why being married to Matthew Broderick is like riding "rather treacherous train rides":

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For what seems like an entire century, ladies and ladyboys have been anxiously awaiting the release of the ultimate "chick flick," Sex And The City: The Movie (have we mentioned how godawful that title is by the way?). In any case, yesterday we had the privilege of seeing the final one-sheet for the film which is set to open next month. And almost immediately, we began griping about it (annoyingly, just the way Carrie Bradshaw whined over her column's bus ad during the first season). After the jump, we discuss all the various problems with this image, from that dress to that font to, well, almost everything, boiled down into three primary points:

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Despite all the photos we've seen from the Sex And The City movie set, and all the rumours circling around about plotlines and marriages and dream sequences, fans of the show are still in the dark regarding what lies in store for the four aging heroines. And expressing any interest whatsoever is somewhat embarrassing, since caring about the futures of Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte has become slightly de rigueur as each passing year post-finale makes SATC episodes look more and more ancient and silly. But for those of you who feel no shame in wondering what happens in the big-screen version of the girls' lives (at least in the privacy of your own cubicle or home), the NY Post has provided a few spoilers to satisfy your curiosity. More info after the jump; warning, it's spoiler heavy.

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Who was that unseen member-haver defiling Charlotte York Goldenblatt in those naughty photos that wound their way round the internets earlier this week? Page Six identifies him as Eric Stapelman, Davis's boyfriend in the early '90s "who is now the executive chef at Trattoria Nostrani in Santa Fe." The penetrative gumshoes over at BestWeekEver.tv did some further snooping, and turned up a picture of Stapelman-- a total Harry placeholder if we ever saw one. [NY Post, BWE.tv]

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