kris allen
Flotsam & Jetsam
Today, A Dick Joke Involving Tom Cruise Becomes Even Funnier
12:40AM Foster Kamer | Michael Jackson’s doctor is still just as sketchy as before. Tom Cruise will raise your kids for you. Jude Law’s new baby’s name, rappers, witches, Heroes, Gossip Girls, and Ashton Kutcher’s fake life. Presenting an epic Saturday Gossip Roundup: More »
Flotsam & Jetsam
Royalty Acting Like Royalty, Media Acting Like Media
12:30AM Foster Kamer | Prince Harry isn’t being a dick! Octomom gets a TV show, Candy Spelling works her late husband’s TV pitches in real time, and Rachel Bilson doesn’t eat chap stick. Presenting your Sunday morning gossip roundup. More »
Small Screen
AT&T’s American Idol Vote-Rigging Conspiracy
12:35AM Richard Lawson | The voting machines were tampered with! By “voting machines” we mean the mindless finger-dialers from Arkansas who were tricked by the nefarious AT&T syndicate into voting for, successfully, Miss Kris Allen, the straight white corn boy who defeated, in an upset, the gay Frankenstein. The New York Times now cries foul. More »
Small Screen
Americal Idol: Everybody Loves Kris
1:54AM Richard Lawson | Well, that’s it. After all this tumbling and mumbling and Kara bumbling, the eighth and most bespangled season of American Idol yet has come to a screeching, crooning end. How’d it end for you? Are you satisfied? Surprised? Gassy? To work through all these emotions and sensations, let’s discuss. More »
Small Screen
American Idol: Guy Next Door Vs. Guyliner
4:57AM Richard Lawson | Oh Ryan, you master of the turn of phrase. Clever little frosted minx. I’m gonna miss you when they pack you back up into your E! radio locker and I don’t get any of you until next January. Sigh. The last competition night of the year! It was… just aight. More »
Small Screen
American Idol: Victory Over The Dan
3:06AM Richard Lawson | Have you ever had an angel burp on you? Ever felt the soothing hand of God as He gives you a purple nurple? If not, then you didn’t watch American Idol last night. More »
Small Screen
American Idol: The Unholy Trinity
4:52AM Richard Lawson | Three is a number steeped in magic and myth—the three fates spinning our doom, the three versions of Jesus (dad, son, creepy ghost), the three bears. And now, the three Idol men. Heroes all. More »
Small Screen
American Idol: Sit Back And Relax, Enjoy The Schmo
4:55AM Richard Lawson | Forget you, Sasha Frere-Jones. The hip hipster face of music appreciation is now Quentin Tarantino. The onetime Idol guest judge was a Mentor to the kids last night. With, you know, predictably disastrous results. More »
Small Screen
American Idol: Please Don’t Play That Funky Music, White Boy
4:26AM Richard | It was Top iTunes Downloads night on Idol! That means modern, hip, fresh songs, right? Songs like “Play that Funk Music White Boy” and “Surrender”. Wait, what? Where’s the Leona Lewis? More »
Small Screen
