In the scheme of "unpleasant mental images", it's probably safe to say that the idea of "King" Kyle Sandilands at the urinal probably ranks with, as the old Austin Powers line goes, Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day (or, while we're on the topic, Alexander Downer wearing that old stockings and high heels get-up - BUT WITH NOTHING ELSE). So how kind of Sandilands to forcibly enter the nation's imagination with a little anecdote he couldn't help but tell about the time he perved on David Beckham's knob accidentally shared a bathroom with David Beckham.

Sandilands told listeners to his radio show that he had been "in the toilet at Villa nightclub in LA and there's only two urinals in there, it's very small".

Hold your horses, those of you in the back - he means the toilet is very small. Carry on, Kyle!

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You know, here in Australia, the whole opera business is pretty subdued. Sure, we had Operatunity! - which was compelling in a particularly no-frills, ABC manner - but our opera "stars" keep a reasonably low profile and in general it's just something you occasionally frock up to go and see, or something that teenage boys whinge about when it appears in the opening ceremonies of their favourite sporting events.

We wish it were more like it appears to be in the UK, if the following story is anything to go by:

Evidently Juan Pablo di Pace agreed to a gig posing nude in a lavish photoshoot to promote the Royal Opera's production of Rigoletto (no, not the spaghetti sauce, you philistines), figuring he was at the time performing in the opera and it was good exposure - er, not in that way, but we see what you did there - only to find that the art department had, well, reduced his package considerably:

He claims a crucial part of his anatomy has been air-brushed unflatteringly, making it appear much smaller than it is in real life.

In fact, the opera house has been accused of "shrinking" his manhood so much in a 2005 version of the poster that it "made it look like he barely had one at all".

As a result of the complaints made by 28-year-old di Pace's lawyers, who also claimed he had not been paid for use of the image, the Royal Opera House has agreed to stop using the poster.

Poor love, we can see where he's coming from - you can inspect his tackle here in the original artwork, and we almost feel an NSFW warning is unnecessary because, well, there's not much that's NS about poor Juan Pablo's airbrushed bits.

If it's any consolation, Juan Pablo, based on the other photo supplied (i.e. of your face), and knowing that it's not what you got, it's how you use it, we'd still hit it!

We're big fans of both Bon Scott and Bon Scott-era AC/DC (as if there were any other) here at Defamer Australia, so when we heard - via, er, The Bon Scott Fan Club email newsletter - that a statue was being planned in his home state of Western Australia, we were a little concerned that it might not capture the man's true greatness, so to speak.

We are, then, pleased to announce that no such indignity will be suffered by Scott's memory - or, for that matter, the memory of his pants:

West Australian Bon Scott Fan Club president Doug Thorncroft, who pushed for almost a decade to have a permanent tribute to his Scottish-born hard rock hero, said the statue was just right.

"It's true Bon in his rock and roll singer stance. He's giving it all to the crowd, he said.

"He's got a microphone in his left hand, tilted up and the cable from the amp on the right, and it's just so Bon.

"His jeans are painted on with his package bulging out."

And, lo, God said it was good, and it was.

The statue will be fully unveiled this weekend.

Yep. Take a good, hard look at that headline. In case you didn't pick up on it, Posh Spice is talking - again! - about how great it is to be married to Becks and how his knob (recently seen in Giorgio Armani dacks commercials) is seemingly the eighth wonder of the world.

"I'm proud to see his penis 25 foot tall. It's great."

"It's huge. It's enormous. Massive."

Posh added: "If I looked like that I'd walk down the street in my panties too."

Do you not love Posh and Becks just that little bit more this morning?

Just a while back we delighted in bringing you the pictures of David Beckham's packed lunch in a Giorgio Armani underwear advertisement - which Posh Spice then helpfully assured everyone was her husband's: "He's massive, isn't he?"

Well, it seems there has been some deflating in the Becks underwear department, with his latest Armani campaign looking a little less than "massive" - and it's clear this doesn't wash with his legions of dick-obsessed fans!

David Beckham's legion of fans - both male and female - may be a little disappointed with his latest advert for fashion house Armani.

The 32-year-old turned underwear model was again dressed in the tight underwear which caused a veritable furore when first seen, but on this occasion failed to make quite the same impression.

Davidlooked somewhat less impressive in a pair of black underwear in comparison to the earlier pictures of the star, which were so striking they caused onlookers to debate whether the pictures had been enhanced.

But when asked if the images had been tampered with to give Beckham a greater appeal, his spokesperson was less than forthcoming, and replied with a simple: "No comment."

How the mighty have shrunken fallen. It's times like this we are thankful not to have knobs, if they cause this much consternation.

Can't you just hear Becks' adorable whine now? "But Giorgio, can't we do the shoot another day? I just had a cold shower and I've been fighting with Vickie, and there was an odd number of Diet Coke cans in the fridge and now I feel all nervy. Pleeeaaase?"

In case we haven't made it abundantly clear through our time with you, we love Posh and Becks. Their book - Posh & Becks: Talking - is one of the most fabulously brain-free reads in history; they're so stupid they're almost Zen or something.

And yet, at the same time we can't help but feel as though they - or at least Posh - have a healthy grasp of irony in spite of themselves.

To wit, Victoria Beckham's response to hubby David's, er, confronting print campaign for Armani underwear (highlight pictured above, just in case you'd forgotten it):

Gossips spreading rumours about the size of her husband's tackle can just put a sock in it - Posh says her Goldenballs is all man!

Saucy Posh, back in Blighty for the UK leg of the Spice Girls comeback tour, smirked at questions about David Beckham's Armani photo, telling her favourite showbiz column: "He's massive, isn't he?"

Taking her kids ice-skating in London's Hyde Park yesterday, Victoria, 33, was keen to set the record straight about the size of her hubby's manhood before she takes to the stage.

Hahaha! "He's massive, isn't he?"! Really, we know she reckons she's Posh 'n' everything, but (not so) deep down, Mrs Beckham is just another good time girl from the 'burbs, isn't she?

If the Spicies do come good on their rumoured Melbourne concert, we'd like to take this opportunity to offer her a night on the tiles with us.

David Beckham has brought an early Christmas to motorists and magazine-readers everywhere by starring in the latest campaign for Giorgio Armani underwear - and how!

In fact, such is the majesty of Becks' packed lunch, the UK press is speculating that it may not in fact be all his.

The former England captain stares sternly from the poster as if defying anyone to suggest a little computer enhancement might have contributed to the chiselled six-pack or, indeed, to any other parts of his striking physique.

...His spokesman was less forthcoming about the posters. Asked if the images had been enhanced to give Beckham a greater appeal, he replied: “No comment.”

In comparison, when he wore similar white trunks on holiday off Italy's Ligurian coast 18 months ago, he just did not seem to fill them as well.

Uhh... we've been trying to think of something to say in witty riposte to this story, but all our brains seem to be coming up with is "DO YOU WANT BIG PEN1S? Males from around the world who participated, the average gain after 5 months of taking ManSter pills was 3.02 Inches! YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL THINK U R 5PERM FOUNTAIN!!1"

You can see why our doctor recommended some time away from the computer this holiday season.