Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes attended a cocktail party for the cast of the revival of All My Sons last night at Hermes's flagship store in New York, shocking fans and jaded paparazzi alike as they emerged from their limousine to reveal that the two had morphed into virtually the same person—a freak evolutionary by product of Cruise having spent every waking moment since May 2005 obsessively observing his wife for signs of resistance or flight. Granted, Holmes still enjoyed one distinguishing feature in her six-inch height differential, but that should even out in no time once the ancient Scientological practice of calf-binding completes its painful, appendage-condensing process.

[Photo credit: WENN via Hollyscoop]

The Katie Holmes Road Show and Protester Revival landed last night near Times Square, where the star made her Broadway debut amid a devoted crowd of tourists, family and Scientology nemeses flanking 45th Street. The reviews — and the heartfelt pleas for calm — are in after the jump.

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Today, Entertainment Weekly released images from its upcoming issue devoted to J.J. Abrams's reboot of Star Trek, and featured on the cover were the two clearest looks yet at Zachary Quinto as Spock and Chris Pine as Kirk (what, were Tyler Perry and Winona Ryder busy?). Heroes star Quinto has seemed like a natural to don Leonard Nimoy's ears ever since the casting was announced, but we must admit that this cover gave us pause. Is it the amped-up drag queen eyebrows? Or is it that Quinto, with his severe bob and vacant expression, resembles a Marfan's-afflicted Katie Holmes? Let's do a side-by-side:

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T-minus 48 hours and counting until theatre critics can officially digest the spectacle of Katie Holmes's Broadway debut in All My Sons. Can't! Wait! But while the amateur pundits have already gotten a jump on the show's previews and Anonymous protesters have hammered out the kinks in their own play in front of the Schoenfeld Theatre, one perennially-trustworthy perspective has trickled out onto the Web this morning for everyone to parse: That of Fox crack gossip and drama wonk Roger Friedman, who hastens to note that today's column is a "report," not a "review," lest Holmes might have been saving her A-game for Thursday's premiere.

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Professional Stepford wife Katie Holmes was once an actress, despite what the three-year gap in her IMDb profile may indicate (like America, we are choosing to forget about Mad Money). Somehow, though, the boyfriend jean advocate managed to sneak away from her duties as Ms. Kate Cruise to shoot an episode of Eli Stone airing October 21 — and a just-released clip shows a dancing, singing Holmes begging to be hit hard (perhaps that would explain those mysterious bruises?).

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Ryan Reynolds hit the fundraising circuit running — literally — in an essay today on The Huffington Post, where he opened up about his training for next month's New York Marathon. There, despite vowing to avoid such events after once observing an epidemic of runners' bleeding nipples, the newlywed is racing on behalf of Michael J. Fox's foundation to fight Parkinson's Disease. But while we applaud his determination in battling 26 miles of nipple-chafe, Reynolds is running for more than just a good cause. He's also trotting into a celebrity pastime with a rich tradition of its own, competing against the likes of Will Ferrell, Katie Holmes, Diddy and even David Lee Roth's six-hour slog through New York in 1987. After the jump, find the ten swiftest boldfacers who ever laced up a pair of track shoes. Train harder, Ryan — and happy bleeding!

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In the "special skills" area on the back of her headshot, renaissance woman Jennifer Lopez is able to list so very many things: whispery acting, AutoTune proficiency, early 1990s dance mastery... the list goes on and on. Still, there is one useful Hollywood skill that La Lopez has always been cagey about showing off, and it's her intimate familiarity with Scientology. Though her dad has been a Scientologist for over twenty years and Lopez pals around with famous L. Ron disciples like Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Leah Remini, she tells the Daily Beast that she's still a free agent — though her new twins might not be so lucky:

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Here at Defamer, we have a well-documenter love of salty old battle axes so props must be paid when one goes above and beyond the call of duty in providing us with entertainment. This week's recipient of our wizened love is Hollywood veteran Lauren Bacall, who adds a much-needed dash of (blue) colour to Elle's upcoming profile of Nicole Kidman. While the Botoxed beauty is in a magnanimous mood, acknowledging her pleasure that ex Tom Cruise has found a "more profound" love with Katie Holmes, Kidman's former costar Bacall isn't one to mince words, and she jumps in to call Cruise a "maniac":

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Last night was the first preview of the Katie Holmes-starring revival of All My Sons—a critic-proof production that will be remembered less for bringing new insights to the classic Arthur Miller text than it will be for hosting the most spectacular female celebrity disappearance since the days of Amelia Earhart and Shelley Long. (She'll first have to figure out a way to sever the 3000-mile-long, indestructible microfiber restraint tethered to her ankle, rigged to reel her in at the press of the button if she so strays so much as 15 feet from her Church-approved, "apartment-Barneys-theater" travel route.) Tom Cruise was largely credited with captaining the deafening standing ovation that met her bows—rich in first-pumps, index-finger #1s, and "It's all you tonight!" points towards the stage—until one handler had to pull the actor aside to quietly explain that the 78-year-old emphysema-sufferer seated in a wheelchair next to him was physically unable to, quote, "C'mon—get on your feet grandma and show my little lady some love!" From the AP report:

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While other well-photographed actresses might don a pair of pants to go out if their knees were covered in bruises, Kate Holmes is of a different breed. Not only did Holmes attend a performance of August: Osage County with black-and-blue welts studding her bare legs, she did it while leggings were surely close at hand. Are the bruises the result of a suddenly aggressive Suri, a painful rehearsal for Katie's Broadway debut, or a niacin-cleansing ritual gone awry? The Daily Mail takes us inside the scene:

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