john howard
Flotsam & Jetsam
3:10PM Jess McGuire | Via today’s Crikey newsletter, which says:
There’s a moment in Proust when he relates the experience of discovering through a sudden, illuminating fragment of conversation, that the person with whom you’re talking, someone you’d assumed was perfectly civilized, intelligent and rational, is in fact quite and utterly, mad.
Peter Costello produced just such a moment of revelation in his address to the Catch the Fire prayer rally in Melbourne on Monday. Delivered by video, the man who for so long craved the Australian Prime Ministership, declares his firm belief that the Bible and the Ten Commandments form the foundation of Australian society and its property laws, and that any movement away from those “God-given commandments” will lead to a breakdown of social order. “As we look back over hundreds of years of Australian history, we can still see the benefits of God to us in this country,” says Costello, presumably surprising indigenous Australians, whose ancestors were here a damn sight longer.
Declaring one’s Christian faith is one thing. Arguing that only the maintenance of Christianity preserves order, directly implying that those of other faiths, or its complete atheistic absence, are a threat to that order, is an extraordinary statement from a major political figure in an allegedly secular state.
John Howard blocked Peter Costello from the Prime Ministership as long as he could, preferring even to take his party to defeat rather than let him run it. Based on this bizarre rant, it looks like Howard’s judgement was absolutely right.
Right on, Crikey! You go, girl!
Watch the video after the jump. More »
Peter Costello’s Special Australia Day Message
3:10PM Jess McGuire | Via today’s Crikey newsletter, which says:
There’s a moment in Proust when he relates the experience of discovering through a sudden, illuminating fragment of conversation, that the person with whom you’re talking, someone you’d assumed was perfectly civilized, intelligent and rational, is in fact quite and utterly, mad.
Peter Costello produced just such a moment of revelation in his address to the Catch the Fire prayer rally in Melbourne on Monday. Delivered by video, the man who for so long craved the Australian Prime Ministership, declares his firm belief that the Bible and the Ten Commandments form the foundation of Australian society and its property laws, and that any movement away from those “God-given commandments” will lead to a breakdown of social order. “As we look back over hundreds of years of Australian history, we can still see the benefits of God to us in this country,” says Costello, presumably surprising indigenous Australians, whose ancestors were here a damn sight longer.
Declaring one’s Christian faith is one thing. Arguing that only the maintenance of Christianity preserves order, directly implying that those of other faiths, or its complete atheistic absence, are a threat to that order, is an extraordinary statement from a major political figure in an allegedly secular state.
John Howard blocked Peter Costello from the Prime Ministership as long as he could, preferring even to take his party to defeat rather than let him run it. Based on this bizarre rant, it looks like Howard’s judgement was absolutely right.
Right on, Crikey! You go, girl!
Watch the video after the jump. More » 
Peter Costello Accuses Janette Howard Of Political Cockblocking
3:23PM Jess McGuire | Peter Costello is apparently claiming in his forthcoming book that he would have won the 2007 election for the Coalition if he’d been allowed to take over leadership, but that evil old harpy Janette Howard refused to let it happen because she wanted to personally serve George W. Bush sandwiches at Kirribilli. Or something.
Mr Costello calls the former prime minister’s wife a “consensus of one” and claims she was more powerful than federal cabinet in the lead-up to last year’s election, the Nine Network reported.
Mr Costello says Mrs Howard did not want anyone else occupying Kirribilli House when US President George W Bush visited Australia for the APEC summit in Sydney last September, the report said.
Good god, Peter. You really are a pathetic individual, aren’t you? You had your chance and you wimped out, buddy. And now, like someone who lost an argument but then later regales friends with tales of the things you would have said and done had you not run off crying like a big girl, you won’t stop jabbering on about how things might have been different.
You coulda had class. You coulda been a contender. You coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what you are, let’s face it.
Anyway, it’s the quotes regarding Peter’s memoirs from politicians on both sides of the political fence which interest me and are rather telling. More » 
It’s Nice To See John Howard’s Been Keeping Himself Busy
10:26AM Jess McGuire | Reader Rach emailed us a link to the following picture, saying “Well, at least we know the former Prime Minister now has a lucrative career in modelling.”
It’s fair to say that we were slightly hesitant about clicking and learning just what John Howard has been doing with his spare time (please, no porn… please, no porn…) but finally we mustered up all the courage we could, tapped the aforementioned link, and discovered this.
Bless him, it’s lovely to see him looking so happy after such a disastrous end to his long political career. Also nice to see he’s finally ditching the green and gold tracksuit set. Retirement from politics doesn’t mean retirement from life – give this modeling malarkey a fair crack. We look forward to seeing you donning Target-brand winter casuals when the next catalogue arrives in Defamer Australia’s mailbox. More » 
Big Brother Producers To John Howard: Check Mate
4:17PM Jess McGuire | What’s the perfect way to get back at a former Prime Minister who insulted your television program and dared the network responsible for broadcasting it take it off the air?
Use footage of said Prime Minister making the aforementioned demands in your new promo!
Hahahahaha oh, you are a clever little scamp, Big Brother!
If you really wanted to torture him (and all the other Big Brother haters out there), you could hire two of the most annoying and unlikable personalities on earth and get them to appear on our television screens every single fucking night for the hideously long period the program is on air, and then – oh yeah. You’ve done that already. Well done, you.
(Three weeks to go until Big Brother returns. Will it be a surprising display of television awesomeness? Will Kyle and Jackie O win us over? Will we take to self-harming with the passionate enthusiasm of a teenaged Simple Plan fanatic? Time will tell…) More » 
An Exclusive Pre-Election Interview With The John Howard Ladies’ Auxiliary Fan Club
8:38AM Jess McGuire |
The John Howard Ladies’ Auxiliary Fan Club
Here at Defamer Australia HQ, we’ve been keenly following the campaigning going on around the country in the lead up to this Saturday’s Federal Election.
We very nearly stalked Julia Gillard on Wednesday morning in order to force her into posing for a MySpace Facebook profile picture with us (you know the kind of picture we mean – fringes swept across forehead, moody look on punim, pursed lips, the arm holding the camera still in shot) but we thought her emo facial expression may have been uncomfortably too realistic after she copped a verbal spanking from Jon Faine, so we resisted the urge to accost her with a digital camera.
We invited John Howard and Peter Costello out for a pot so we could have a lively discussion regarding the past eleven years of fuckery with them and ask probing Dr Phil-esque questions about their complicated and tumultuous relationship, but their media rep informed us last minute that they had already made plans with some bird named Anna something-or-other, so we missed that opportunity as well.
But, feeling it important to at least score one penetrating and incisive interview with a major political player before the nation went to the polls, we popped on a nice floral dress and some gloves and went to High Tea with Mrs Bea Wright, spokesperson for The John Howard Auxiliary Fan Club. You may have spotted her and her companions in the news during the past six weeks, as the women have made it their life’s mission to follow our Prime Minister during his campaigning and personally offer up their support to the wee little battler.
EXHIBIT A.
EXHIBIT B.
They’ve also got a Facebook group you can join, should you be so inclined.
In any case, after the jump you can read our AMAZING and INSIGHTFUL interview with Mrs Bea Wright. We realise we said this after our Angie Hart “piece“, but honestly… we must’ve scored ourselves a Walkley now, surely? Regardless, we’re rather pleased with how it all went – it was totally worth shouting Mrs Bea Wright three cucumber sandwiches and a few cups of Earl Gray.
More » 
Howard’s Interest Rate Appears To Have Risen In This Happy Snap (Amongst Other Things)
9:47AM Jess McGuire | Oh, we’re clearly being ridiculous and immature, but this photo of Prime Minister John Howard out and about amongst the people during the campaign made us chuckle quietly to ourselves.
They are nice cans, John. We certainly don’t blame you for being momentarily distracted from the mammoth task of convincing the Australian public you’re not an over-the-hill power freak with a little note from your maker saying ‘IOU’ where your soul should be.
Who on earth is he on the phone to, and what is he saying, we wonder?
Feel free to forward anything else election related you think we’d like to the usual contact address (check the info column thingo to your left – we can’t remember the technical term for it because we’re a bit sick today, if you must know, and leaving bed is struggle enough). Shots of Kevin Rudd ogling bottoms are welcome. More » John Howard Slips Up On Interest Rates
10:08AM Jess McGuire | Dude. If you’re gonna keep BANGING ON about interest rates and shit, claiming to be The Man when it comes to all things Reserve Bank, you may want to know what the interest rate actually is.
The Prime Minister’s ”Hmmm, thanks” at the end made us chuckle quietly to ourselves.
Thanks Jessica!
More » 