jodie foster
Flotsam & Jetsam
Another Reason Your Boyfriend Is In Love With Natalie Portman
4:03AM NatashaVC | We know you’ve been wondering, “Why aren’t there more romantic comedies inspired by Norse mythology?” Well, we have good news! There’s also some news about the reclusive Jackson Family and Mel Gibson in a Beaver suit. To The Jump! More »
Flotsam & Jetsam
Mel Gibson Hoping You’ll Pay To Watch Him Talk To A Puppet
12:39AM Richard Lawson | Mel Gibson announces his next big movie role, and it’s a strange one. The Green Lantern movie narrows its potential leads down to three curious choices, and little beaver Jon Heder has landed a TV show on US cable. More »
Palimony Suit Could Force Jodie Foster’s ‘Midlife Crisis’ $25 Million Over Budget
2:30AM STV | Jodie Foster really has gotten off exceptionally easy so far in her dizzying, delicate miracle of new love with homewrecking writer/producer Cynthia Mort, with her most significant cash outlays being that always-steep first date and the extravagant “My Condolences” balloon bouquet sent Mort’s way after HBO canceled her show Tell Me You Love Me. Foster had fared even better with ex Cydney Bernard, who, after 14 years of cohabitative bliss, spared the Oscar-winner the ugliness of custody squabbles, L Word box-set splits and other public indignities. Her typically low public profile escalated for what felt like mere minutes, soon returning to its subtle, cultivated ebb of lesbian quietude — just the way she likes it. More »
Will Smith Up, Ladies Down on Forbes’s Annual List of Stupid-Rich Stars
7:50AM Defamer Hollywood | It’s that time of year again, when Hollywood’s biggest stars harvest their multiplex crops, drop the hammer on their mums and size up their places among Forbes’s annual list of highest-paid movie stars. As we’ve come to expect, it’s Will Smith’s world, with the megastar and noted Scientology-school patron raking in $80 million since last June; the remainder of the list comprises mainstays like Johnny Depp ($72 million) and Leonardo DiCaprio ($45 million) along with slip-sliding shockers including Eddie Murphy and Mike Myers, each tied at $55 million thanks in large part to the Shrek franchise’s enduring success.This Is What Lesbians Eat*, Apparently
3:38PM Jess McGuire | The ongoing drama surrounding Jodie Foster’s split with longtime lover Cydney Bernard has the tabloids thoroughly devastated. They only recently got confirmation the two were a proper Sapphic item – and now their blessed union has been torn asunder? Tragedy!
The Daily Mail has published a lengthy piece titled “They were Hollywood’s gay golden couple, so why has Jodie Foster left her lover of 15 years?”, with journalist Alison Boshoff attempting to get to the bottom of the shocking turn of events which led Oscar winning actress Jodie Foster straight into the arms of spunky thirty-something writer Cynthia Mort.
The opening paragraph made me laugh a little, I must admit.
As the news spread, the words “mid-life crisis” were heard being whispered over expensively whipped hot drinks and wholemeal muffins in fashionable coffee shops across Hollywood; it certainly left the entire lesbian community of Los Angeles thoroughly agog.
What have we learned from the above?
The entire “lesbian community” -
a) gives a shit about Jodie Foster’s love life (perhaps, much like how women who live together often find their monthly visit from the painters becoming synchronised, members of Club Muff – your card and badge comes with your first copy of Ani DiFranco’s Living In Clip record, I believe – eventually become emotionally entwined with all other local lesbians, meaning that even one break up in the tribe devastates every lady-lover within a 200km radius)
b) will only sup on “expensively whipped hot drinks” and nibble on “wholemeal muffins”. Why not mention the Birkenstocks they’re all wearing, Alison? Are they playing with their crewcuts? Flicking through Riot Grrl Monthly in a feeble attempt to distract themselves from the devastating soul-blow the Foster/Bernard break up has caused them?
Also -
And while Jodie’s old love Cydney was a slightly frumpy older woman, a weather-beaten blonde who had been content to ditch her career for the past 11 years to devote herself to Jodie and their boys, in her new lover Jodie has chosen a media- savvy powerhouse.
Her youthful Mediterranean looks (strong brows, dark hair as shiny as a conker) are the precise opposite of Cydney’s wholesomeness.
I think the last time I read something along the lines of “dark hair as shiny as a conker”, it was in Black Beauty, and someone was describing a horse for sale.
Bravo, Daily Mail! A billion points! I MOCK YOU BUT I WILL NEVER STOP READING YOU, YOU TRASHY SHAMELESS BEASTS! HIRE ME! I WILL MOVE TO LONDON!
*Well, you know… amongst other things. Ahem. I’ll get my coat. More » 
So Did You Hear The One About Jodie Foster And The 20-Something Endeavor Agent?
5:31AM Seth | As we combed through your touching condolences in the comments section under the post noting that Jodie Foster may have left longtime companion Cydney for Tell Me You Love Me showrunner Cynthia Mort, we came across one remark in particular that, while admittedly just a rumour, seemed to us intriguing enough a possibility to float among you, the all-knowing Defamer readership. It read: More »
Homewrecking Spy In Jodie Foster’s House Of Love Revealed!
8:00AM Seth | Let there be no mistaking it—the National Enquirer owns the story of the disintegration of Jodie Foster’s 14-year lesbian relationship to her beautiful Cydney. Now, their unprecedented access to the Rubyfruit Mafia’s high-ranking Donettes gives us yet another shocking exclusive: Foster has parked her U-Haul outside the home of Cindy Mort, the creator of HBO’s stunt-cock popularizing, prosthesis-core drama Tell Me You Love Me. From their report: More »
Is It Splitsville For Jodie Foster And Her Roommate Of 14 Years?
3:35AM Seth | It’s difficult enough to note the end of another seemingly rock-solid Hollywood relationship when the two parties are willing to at least admit that yes, they were involved. But how does one go about relaying the sad news that a love is no more, when the love was never outwardly acknowledged in the first place? What’s that you say? By ceasing to be such a busybody and allowing them to lead their private lives in private? But we simply cannot do that! This is Jodie Foster we’re talking about—and her beautiful Cydney! More »
Imagining The Top Five Films In Eliot Spitzer’s Netflix Queue
5:19AM Molly Friedman | In case you hadn’t heard, recently resigned NY governor Eliot Spitzer likes call girls. A lot. And while we’re still busy casting the inevitable movie of the week, our slideshow-obsessed friends over at Us dove into their archives to reminisce on the hooker-laced pasts of Hugh Grant, Eddie Murphy and escort king Charlie Sheen, who’ve all been caught with their pants (and dignities) down. But call girls don’t always come in the form of silicone sketchballs straight out of the Bada Bing. Sometimes they have hearts of gold and charisma as thick as the air on the 101! If they’re played by stars, that is. We dove into our own archives and selected our top five films that revolve around the World’s Oldest Profession, flicks that will surely be making their way onto Eliot Spitzer’s Netflix queue in no time. More »
