Jodie Foster really has gotten off exceptionally easy so far in her dizzying, delicate miracle of new love with homewrecking writer/producer Cynthia Mort, with her most significant cash outlays being that always-steep first date and the extravagant "My Condolences" balloon bouquet sent Mort's way after HBO canceled her show Tell Me You Love Me. Foster had fared even better with ex Cydney Bernard, who, after 14 years of cohabitative bliss, spared the Oscar-winner the ugliness of custody squabbles, L Word box-set splits and other public indignities. Her typically low public profile escalated for what felt like mere minutes, soon returning to its subtle, cultivated ebb of lesbian quietude — just the way she likes it.

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It's that time of year again, when Hollywood's biggest stars harvest their multiplex crops, drop the hammer on their mums and size up their places among Forbes's annual list of highest-paid movie stars. As we've come to expect, it's Will Smith's world, with the megastar and noted Scientology-school patron raking in $80 million since last June; the remainder of the list comprises mainstays like Johnny Depp ($72 million) and Leonardo DiCaprio ($45 million) along with slip-sliding shockers including Eddie Murphy and Mike Myers, each tied at $55 million thanks in large part to the Shrek franchise's enduring success.

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The ongoing drama surrounding Jodie Foster's split with longtime lover Cydney Bernard has the tabloids thoroughly devastated. They only recently got confirmation the two were a proper Sapphic item - and now their blessed union has been torn asunder? Tragedy!

The Daily Mail has published a lengthy piece titled "They were Hollywood's gay golden couple, so why has Jodie Foster left her lover of 15 years?", with journalist Alison Boshoff attempting to get to the bottom of the shocking turn of events which led Oscar winning actress Jodie Foster straight into the arms of spunky thirty-something writer Cynthia Mort.

The opening paragraph made me laugh a little, I must admit.

As the news spread, the words "mid-life crisis" were heard being whispered over expensively whipped hot drinks and wholemeal muffins in fashionable coffee shops across Hollywood; it certainly left the entire lesbian community of Los Angeles thoroughly agog.

What have we learned from the above?

The entire "lesbian community" -

a) gives a shit about Jodie Foster's love life (perhaps, much like how women who live together often find their monthly visit from the painters becoming synchronised, members of Club Muff - your card and badge comes with your first copy of Ani DiFranco's Living In Clip record, I believe - eventually become emotionally entwined with all other local lesbians, meaning that even one break up in the tribe devastates every lady-lover within a 200km radius)

b) will only sup on "expensively whipped hot drinks" and nibble on "wholemeal muffins". Why not mention the Birkenstocks they're all wearing, Alison? Are they playing with their crewcuts? Flicking through Riot Grrl Monthly in a feeble attempt to distract themselves from the devastating soul-blow the Foster/Bernard break up has caused them?

Also -

And while Jodie's old love Cydney was a slightly frumpy older woman, a weather-beaten blonde who had been content to ditch her career for the past 11 years to devote herself to Jodie and their boys, in her new lover Jodie has chosen a media- savvy powerhouse.

Her youthful Mediterranean looks (strong brows, dark hair as shiny as a conker) are the precise opposite of Cydney's wholesomeness.

I think the last time I read something along the lines of "dark hair as shiny as a conker", it was in Black Beauty, and someone was describing a horse for sale.

Bravo, Daily Mail! A billion points! I MOCK YOU BUT I WILL NEVER STOP READING YOU, YOU TRASHY SHAMELESS BEASTS! HIRE ME! I WILL MOVE TO LONDON!

*Well, you know... amongst other things. Ahem. I'll get my coat.

As we combed through your touching condolences in the comments section under the post noting that Jodie Foster may have left longtime companion Cydney for Tell Me You Love Me showrunner Cynthia Mort, we came across one remark in particular that, while admittedly just a rumour, seemed to us intriguing enough a possibility to float among you, the all-knowing Defamer readership. It read:

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Let there be no mistaking it—the National Enquirer owns the story of the disintegration of Jodie Foster's 14-year lesbian relationship to her beautiful Cydney. Now, their unprecedented access to the Rubyfruit Mafia's high-ranking Donettes gives us yet another shocking exclusive: Foster has parked her U-Haul outside the home of Cindy Mort, the creator of HBO's stunt-cock popularizing, prosthesis-core drama Tell Me You Love Me. From their report:

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It's difficult enough to note the end of another seemingly rock-solid Hollywood relationship when the two parties are willing to at least admit that yes, they were involved. But how does one go about relaying the sad news that a love is no more, when the love was never outwardly acknowledged in the first place? What's that you say? By ceasing to be such a busybody and allowing them to lead their private lives in private? But we simply cannot do that! This is Jodie Foster we're talking about—and her beautiful Cydney!

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In case you hadn't heard, recently resigned NY governor Eliot Spitzer likes call girls. A lot. And while we're still busy casting the inevitable movie of the week, our slideshow-obsessed friends over at Us dove into their archives to reminisce on the hooker-laced pasts of Hugh Grant, Eddie Murphy and escort king Charlie Sheen, who've all been caught with their pants (and dignities) down. But call girls don't always come in the form of silicone sketchballs straight out of the Bada Bing. Sometimes they have hearts of gold and charisma as thick as the air on the 101! If they're played by stars, that is. We dove into our own archives and selected our top five films that revolve around the World's Oldest Profession, flicks that will surely be making their way onto Eliot Spitzer's Netflix queue in no time.

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Despite what CNN entertainment correspondent Kiki King reported as hard news over a ticker reading "Jodie Foster...Star of Taxi Driver and The Accused...Total lesbian...Admitted so at Hollywood luncheon...Thanked someone called her 'beautiful Cydney'....Must be longtime girlfriend...Jodie Foster...Star of Taxi Driver..." in an infinite loop, the actress's speech at a Women in Entertainment event in December was not the definitive soft-outing Foster-watchers had long hoped for. At least not according to a recent interview with Parade, in which The Brave One suddenly grew very skittish when the questions poked too close to home:

"When I look back at my life, I think it has been about the search for meaning and connection," Jodie Foster tells PARADE.

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Without a major publication cover announcing some variation of the sentiment, "I'M GAY," it's sometimes hard to pinpoint the exact moment a celebrity has been outed in the media. Is it when they mention the name of their longtime companion in a humble and moving acceptance speech at an insular industry reception? Or when a local paper picks up on the mention? Or is it when CNN.com decides to run a video entitled, "Jodie Foster thanks gay partner," in which entertainment correspondent Kiki King goes on at length about the Oscar-winning (and 2008 Golden Globe nominee!) actress's recent decision to boldly throw open the closet doors, all gleaned from the three little words, "my beautiful Cydney?" In any case, Kiki King says it's official now, people: Jodie Foster is a lesbian.

• CNN Video

Awarded with the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award at the 16th annual Women in Entertainment Breakfast Tuesday, Jodie Foster reportedly gave a moving speech, candidly telling the gathered crowd, "I've been working in this business for 42 years and there's no way you can do that and not be as nutty as a fruitcake." Among her many thank-yous, one got a reporter wondering if the veteran actress, so notoriously tight-lipped about her personal affairs and the significance of the "eternity ring" she never removes, had quietly come out to her working woman peers. From the LA Daily News:

Toward the end of her remarks, Jodie thanked those nearest and dearest to her. Among them was "my beautiful Cydney who sticks with me through all the rotten and the bliss."

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