joan rivers

Joan Rivers on Tom Hanks, Ricky Gervais, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus: ‘Nazis’

8:30AM Kyle Buchanan | Bounced from E!, the TV Guide Channel, and even Stylelist.com, times have been tough for red carpet commentators Joan and Melissa Rivers. For this week’s Emmy ceremony, the two were reduced to vlogging for MyHollywood.com, though the deal came with one potential upside: their patter was supposed to receive a link from AOL. However, higher-ups at AOL changed their minds when they got a gander at the footage where Rivers calls some of Hollywood’s most beloved stars (including Tom Hanks, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, and Heidi Klum) “Nazis.” Said Rivers to Page Six:

Vote Now in the High-Stakes Hollywood Joker-Alike Contest

5:35AM STV | After her latest round of plastic surgery, Joan Rivers has once again sparked concern that her postmodern facial sculpting has perhaps gone one operation too far. “My motto is, ‘Better a new face coming out of an old car than an old face coming out of a new car.’ Spend your money on you,” the Daily Mail quotes her as saying, but clearly the stakes have soared beyond self-service satisfaction: Rivers is but the latest boldface name to join the increasingly cutthroat Joker-Alike 2008 competition, in which grinning celebrities and their psychotic celluloid doppelgangers square off for ear-to-ear supremacy. Have a closer look at the finalists — and vote for a (or nominate your own) winner after the jump. More »

In a Very Special Boardroom, Joe Francis Tells Trump, ‘Show Me Your Tits’

6:40AM Defamer Hollywood | Currently enmeshed in a terrible global conspiracy involving 17-year-old girls, U.S. District Judges, a shadowy cabal of vampires (and most likely the Stonemasons), Girls Gone Wild proprietor Joe Francis is on the hunt for a way to restore his good name — and there’s no one more willing to help than Donald Trump. Already the crown prince of magnanimity thanks to his selfless (some might say tear-inducing) bail-out of the beleaguered Ed McMahon, Hollyscoop says that the billionaire and the porn purveyor are set to team up: More »

In Unorthodox Bid For Thin Mints, Joan Rivers Calls Women ‘Whores’ At Girl Scouts Fundraiser

3:18AM Defamer Hollywood | Where does a 75-year-old comedienne go after being banished from British TV for cussing out Russell Crowe? Well, if you’re Joan Rivers, you pick your filthy mouth up off the floor and move on to the next logical place for your brand of blue humor: a Girl Scout fundraiser in Orlando, Florida. Rivers was there as the entertainment as the Citrus Council saluted “Women of Distinction.” But Joan evidently didn’t distinguish herself with some attendees at the Wednesday night function at Rosen Centre Hotel. We hear that she dropped the f-bomb frequently, called women “whores” repeatedly and sounded off on what the Girls Scouts didn’t teach girls. More »

Kathy Griffin Orders A Lauren Conrad Hit On National TV

11:45AM Seth | Sorry to ladle on the Kathy Griffin today, but did she just tell Jay Leno she wants to shoot the cast of The Hills dead? So, basically, if any John Hinckley-type admirers out there are looking for some spectacular gesture of devotion, you’ve just received your marching orders. [Tonight Show] Lede of the Day: “Ronnie Wood has walked out on his wife and four children to live with a teenage cocktail waitress he met in an escort bar.” [Daily Mail] The real Jaws town of Amity had two beaches shut down after an unconfirmed Great White sighting. Then George Lucas appeared in a Speedo to ruin a beloved memory for everyone. [AP] Brett Ratner is bringing together the hottest Jewesses on Earth to pose in your 5769 Hebraic Hotties swimsuit calendar. [Page Six] Bleepers, start your engines: Joan Rivers will be competing in the second season of Celebrity Apprentice. [HuffPo] Hey: Unicorn-Aids! (Not what you’re thinking, sickies.) [Perpetualkid.com] More »

We Can Only Hope Someone Is Filming This…

10:10AM Jess McGuire | Over a month since the press release regarding Olivia Newton-John’s fundraising venture the Great Walk to Beijing was sent out, we’ve finally looked closely enough at the fine print (well, the print in general) and realised that – goddamn it! – the entire thing appears to be the most brilliant concept ever for a reality television show! Olivia Newton-John says she is “excited and proud” to announce the team joining her epic, cancer, fundraising journey, the Great Walk to Beijing. The team joining Olivia includes international stars, Joan Rivers, Sir Cliff Richard, Dannii Minogue and Jane Seymour. They will be supported by Australian music industry legends, Jimmy Barnes, James Reyne and Kirk Pengilly. Television celebrities from across the globe have committed too with our own Alison Cratchley, and Rachel Gordon from Home and Away, Sunrise presenter Monique Wright, and Biggest Loser host, Ajay Rochester being joined from the US by, Carrie Ann Inaba of Dance War and Leeza Gibbons of Entertainment Tonight, fame and from the UK by actors, Gemma Atkinson from Hollyoaks and Martina Laird from Casualty. and more. Olympic and sporting heroes have also agreed to tackle the challenging journey for wellness, including, Kieren Perkins, Sam Riley, “oarsome foursome” men, Nick Green and Mike McKay and 7-time world surfing champion Layne Beachley. So just to sum up that AMAZING collection of folk who will be trekking through the Gobi Desert together like, erm, some sort of crazy fucked up family of people who enjoy nothing more than trekking through the Gobi Desert… &middot ON-MOTHERFUCKING-J! &middot JOAN RIVERS! &middot CLIFF RICHARD! &middot DANNII MINOGUE! &middot KIRK PENGILLY! &middot JANE SEYMOUR! &middot KIEREN PERKINS! Can you imagine it? The team will face a tough physical and mental challenge, trekking 228 kilometres over 21 days along the Great Wall of China. The journey will begin with Olivia’s team on a mountain trek with 40-degree gradients, winding through dust storms into the Gobi Desert as they head to Beijing over 21 days from 7th April 2008. We have visions of Dannii and Joan Rivers arguing over something trivial, but then Sir Cliff steps in and the two women turn on him – and leave him a quivering mess curled up in the sand, softly singing the refrain of ‘Some People’ under his breath while rocking back and forth in shock. Dr Quinn and Olivia attempt to play the roles of Respected Elders of the posse, but their holier-than-thou front is shattered when Kieren Perkins stumbles across the highly intoxicated pair (the duo having earlier ‘confiscated’ a hip flask of highly potent rocket fuel from the backpack of one Ms Joan Rivers) giggling loudly near camp in the middle of the night and exchanging bawdy one-liners about the size of certain celebrity members. Kirk Pengilly stays happily under Laybe Beachley’s thumb for most of the journey, but in the rare moments she’s busy talking fitness with Sam Riley, he shares extremely libelous tales of his time with the Hines family. James Reyne keeps morale up during the long walk by singing ‘One More River’ incessantly, and Jimmy Barnes recreates the glory years of the Tin Lids by belting out ‘When Your Love Is Gone’ (with the Oarsome Foursome stepping in to play the roles of the Barnes children), bewildering and frightening the Americans and British who have no idea what Jimmy is actually screaming at them, or why the men in matching zoot suits are absurdly dancing behind him and eating tinned fruit during this blood curdling performance. Okay, obviously we’re letting our imagination run away with us, but can you blame us? Dear god, may someone be filming this fantastic and epic journey so we can all enjoy it repeatedly on DVD at some point. It’ll be like an intoxicating mix of The Biggest Loser and The Surreal Life, and we’re already craving a hit. Each participant will support Olivia by appealing to their friends and fans to sponsor their steps via the Great Walk to Beijing website, www.greatwalktobeijing.com , where progress reports on the trek and the ability for everyone to donate to support their favourite celebrity will be available. Regular progress reports? Hell yeah. We’ll be checking in regularly once it all kicks off in April. More »