Now that Madonna has entered the "ex texting" part of her breakup with Guy Ritchie ("OMG Debi Mazar Hates U 2"), it's time for Hollywood's looky-loos to saddle up and choose a side. On Team Madonna, we have Yankee T-friendly Rocco, a concerned Gwyneth Paltrow, and Alex Rodriguez, whereas Team Guy consists of little but his Sherlock Holmes cast, a discarded British accent used by Madonna over the last decade, and maybe Sarah Palin? Someone should ask her! Now, Page Six breaks the news of two new celebs warming the bench for Madonna: Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld, who are loaning out their house so Madonna and A-Rod can get it on.

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It was just last week that Microsoft unveiled their new advertisement featuring Jerry Seinfeld and Bill Gates hanging out in a shoe store. Shockingly, you rubes failed to comprehend what this had to do with computers and PCs remained firmly on store shelves. Well, perhaps this latest opus will change all that. In today's installment Bill and Jerry deign to hang out with regular people in the suburbs. It may be a little less weird than their previous outing, but it's certainly longer--in fact, it's a whopping four and a half minutes! We've excerpted a choice 30-second cut, but you can watch the entire thing here. If this baby doesn't get you to put down that Mac and climb aboard the Vista train, nothing will. [YouTube]

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In its bid to top the deceptively simple "I"m a Mac/I'm a PC" ad campaign of its rival, Microsoft went big, hiring auteur Michel Gondry to direct a commercial featuring Jerry Seinfeld alongside Bill Gates (update: we've been informed that though Gondry shot at least one commercial for this campaign, this particular ad was crafted by director Bryan Buckley). For his involvement, Seinfeld was handsomely compensated to the tune of $10 million — a big number, but small potatoes compared to the whole ad campaign's rumoured $300 million budget. For that kind of cash, you might expect the end result to be an orgy of CGI with all participants covered in a thick sheen of liquid gold. However, Microsoft had something considerably quieter and more head-scratching in mind. Take a look at the lackadaisical proceedings and then try to physically restrain yourself from bolting out the door to buy a PC. That is what's being advertised, isn't it? [Microsoft]

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Despite his best attempts, Tom Cruise has officially failed his mission of keeping wife Katie Holmes off Broadway and out of New York. As we learned earlier this year, the escape-hungry Holmes was offered a role in this fall's Arthur Miller play All My Sons, giving her a chance to remind the industry she was once an actress. But Cruise was rumoured to have squashed the idea, punishing his true love by sending her off to Scientology boot camp. But Us is confirming that Holmes has signed on anyway, meaning the tight Cruise clan will be spending autumn in New York. We can only hope NBC successfully woos Jerry Seinfeld into a deal by then, lest TomKat's previous recruitment plans for the comedian remain a high priority. [Us]

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Back in October of 2006, Vanity Fair shocked us all by nabbing the first family photos of until-then MIA Suri Cruise, the tiny Xenuphobic bundle of joy Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had masterfully kept hidden months after her no-screaming-allowed birth. Why were we shocked? Accusations from both the press and the masses flooded the public narrative claiming little Suri looked nothing like Tom or Katie, some going so far as to claim the pregnancy was faked. But after the Knights of Hubbard spent this past weekend in New York with Suri in tow, it's become clear to us that Suri is quite obviously a real-live Cruise. The pictures that convinced us, along with details on which stars the Cruises spent time proselytizing dining with out East, after the jump.

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Blogging on the election (presidential, not Idol) for the Huffington Post, Larry David admits he's lost a bit of confidence in the increasingly histrionic Hillary Clinton: "There have been times in this campaign when she seemed so unhinged that I worried she'd actually kill herself if she lost...I don't care if it's 3 a.m. or 10 p.m. or any other time. I don't want her talking to Putin, I don't want her talking to Kim Jong Il, I don't want her talking to my nephew. She needs a long rest. She needs to put on a sarong and some sun block and get away from things for a while, a nice beach somewhere." We're looking forward to Jerry Seinfeld's own op-ed on the race, in which he asks, "What is with this Hillary Rodham Clinton? The woman's totally a woodwork wacko! And she's a three-name woman...and many of the three-named people do become assassins." [HuffPo]

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A Seinfeld sitcom denial! "NBC and Jerry Seinfeld shot down a New York Post report Friday that the comic was in talks with the network about a new sitcom. 'There's nothing to it,' said NBC spokeswoman Rebecca Marks." Pressed if there was even an outside chance of a special Seinfeld-themed Deal or No Deal, in which Newman, Uncle Leo, Soup Nazi, Susan, and the rest of the supporting players hoisted aluminum briefcases in place of the regular models, Marks simply pressed her lips tightly, turned an imaginary key at the corner of her mouth, and tossed it away. [Yahoo/AP]

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Jerry Seinfeld hasn't had a whole lot to do since his seminal sitcom left the airwaves (completely voluntarily, despite what Larry King might have thought); his surfeit of downtime has been primarily filled slandering his wife's plagiarism accuser and shitting CGI honey-pats on the Oscars podium. It turns out, however, that Seinfeld will not sit idle much longer:

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Jerry Seinfeld, whom we most recently had the pleasure of hearing robotically introduce the nominees for Best Animated Short through the guise of the CGI star of his egregiously under-publicized Bee Movie, is currently being sued by cookbook author Missy Chase Lapine for comments he made on Late Show with David Letterman. On the show, he called Lapine, who had expressed concern that Mrs. Seinfeld had stolen the basic concept of her book, a "wacko" waiting "in the woodwork," "hysterical," and "a three-name woman...and many of the three-named people do become assassins--Mark David Chapman, James Earl Ray..." Now Seinfeld's lawyers are trying to have the suit thrown out, claiming the comments were jokes, no more harmful to Lapine's reputation than an exasperatedly humorous observation about airplane-peanut packaging:

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The other Christian Louboutin has finally dropped in the Jessica Seinfeld affair, as Missy Chase Lapine, the cookbook author whose book The Sneaky Chef bore an extremely uncomfortable resemblance to the one Mrs. Jerry Seinfeld was plugging on Oprah, is suing the couple. Not only does she claim copyright infringement, but also defamation against the Bee Movie star, who, among the observations he made about the complainant on Late Night with David Letterman, compared Lapine to "wackos who wait in the woodwork to inject a little adrenaline in your life experience," and noted that "many three-named women do become assassins." THR, ESQ. predicts that the trial should be "entertaining," unless of course the couple decides to settle behind closed doors, offering Lapine an undisclosed but substantial settlement paid off entirely in designer footwear.

• New Complaint: Jessica Seinfeld's Cookbook Infringes, Jerry Defamed Author [THR, ESQ.]