10:10AM Jess McGuire | Over a month since the press release regarding Olivia Newton-John’s fundraising venture the Great Walk to Beijing was sent out, we’ve finally looked closely enough at the fine print (well, the print in general) and realised that – goddamn it! – the entire thing appears to be the most brilliant concept ever for a reality television show!
Olivia Newton-John says she is “excited and proud” to announce the team joining her epic, cancer, fundraising journey, the Great Walk to Beijing.
The team joining Olivia includes international stars, Joan Rivers, Sir Cliff Richard, Dannii Minogue and Jane Seymour. They will be supported by Australian music industry legends, Jimmy Barnes, James Reyne and Kirk Pengilly. Television celebrities from across the globe have committed too with our own Alison Cratchley, and Rachel Gordon from Home and Away, Sunrise presenter Monique Wright, and Biggest Loser host, Ajay Rochester being joined from the US by, Carrie Ann Inaba of Dance War and Leeza Gibbons of Entertainment Tonight, fame and from the UK by actors, Gemma Atkinson from Hollyoaks and Martina Laird from Casualty. and more. Olympic and sporting heroes have also agreed to tackle the challenging journey for wellness, including, Kieren Perkins, Sam Riley, “oarsome foursome” men, Nick Green and Mike McKay and 7-time world surfing champion Layne Beachley.
So just to sum up that AMAZING collection of folk who will be trekking through the Gobi Desert together like, erm, some sort of crazy fucked up family of people who enjoy nothing more than trekking through the Gobi Desert…
· ON-MOTHERFUCKING-J!
· JOAN RIVERS!
· CLIFF RICHARD!
· DANNII MINOGUE!
· KIRK PENGILLY!
· JANE SEYMOUR!
· KIEREN PERKINS!
Can you imagine it?
The team will face a tough physical and mental challenge, trekking 228 kilometres over 21 days along the Great Wall of China. The journey will begin with Olivia’s team on a mountain trek with 40-degree gradients, winding through dust storms into the Gobi Desert as they head to Beijing over 21 days from 7th April 2008.
We have visions of Dannii and Joan Rivers arguing over something trivial, but then Sir Cliff steps in and the two women turn on him – and leave him a quivering mess curled up in the sand, softly singing the refrain of ‘Some People’ under his breath while rocking back and forth in shock. Dr Quinn and Olivia attempt to play the roles of Respected Elders of the posse, but their holier-than-thou front is shattered when Kieren Perkins stumbles across the highly intoxicated pair (the duo having earlier ‘confiscated’ a hip flask of highly potent rocket fuel from the backpack of one Ms Joan Rivers) giggling loudly near camp in the middle of the night and exchanging bawdy one-liners about the size of certain celebrity members.
Kirk Pengilly stays happily under Laybe Beachley’s thumb for most of the journey, but in the rare moments she’s busy talking fitness with Sam Riley, he shares extremely libelous tales of his time with the Hines family. James Reyne keeps morale up during the long walk by singing ‘One More River’ incessantly, and Jimmy Barnes recreates the glory years of the Tin Lids by belting out ‘When Your Love Is Gone’ (with the Oarsome Foursome stepping in to play the roles of the Barnes children), bewildering and frightening the Americans and British who have no idea what Jimmy is actually screaming at them, or why the men in matching zoot suits are absurdly dancing behind him and eating tinned fruit during this blood curdling performance.
Okay, obviously we’re letting our imagination run away with us, but can you blame us? Dear god, may someone be filming this fantastic and epic journey so we can all enjoy it repeatedly on DVD at some point. It’ll be like an intoxicating mix of The Biggest Loser and The Surreal Life, and we’re already craving a hit.
Each participant will support Olivia by appealing to their friends and fans to sponsor their steps via the Great Walk to Beijing website, www.greatwalktobeijing.com , where progress reports on the trek and the ability for everyone to donate to support their favourite celebrity will be available.
Regular progress reports? Hell yeah. We’ll be checking in regularly once it all kicks off in April.
More »
