Because there is no morning so terrible that it cannot be rendered less terrible with some one-on-one time with Jake Gyllenhaal in a cleavage-enhancing under-chemise, we bring you this ET footage from the set of Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time—a Jerry Bruckheimerian extravaganza the superproducer says will be cinema's greatest headdress-and-scimitar-heavy triumph since Lawrence of Arabia. If you listen carefully, you can hear smacking sounds coming from the reporter as she gets her first taste of Jake's "convincing" accent (like the hunky love child of Peter O'Toole and Helen Mirren), then later observes, "There's been so much buzzz about your physeeque!" There certainly has been—some of it emanating from Defamer HQ as worker drones vigorously rubbed their wings together to this photo. Though it doesn't open until May 2010, we can hardly wait to check out Jake's vast array of camel-gadgets.

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You may recall that about six months ago, we posted a Photoshop contest winning entry featuring the inspired casting of Javier Bardem as everyone's favourite Prince of Dark Chocolateyness, Count Chocula. We said at the time that we'd definitely shell out for such a movie were it ever to be made, and threw out the suggestion of Philip Seymour Hoffman and Jake Gyllenhaal to play his monstrous kiddie cereal cohorts, Frankenberry and Boo Berry.

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An Important Drama like Brokeback Mountain has been many things to many people since its release three years ago, but who knew it was a budding franchise? Not only is the cowboys-in-love tale going opera, but ardent internet fans continue to sequelize the film with fan fiction, side stories and improbable follow-ups. Why, even Defamer has gotten into the act — Ang, the rights for "Ennis and Jack's Outrageous UFO Adventure" (above) are still available. Call us! However, there's one person who finds these add-ons downright Jack Nasty, and she's Annie Proulx, the tale's original author. As she told the Wall Street Journal:

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Correct us if we're wrong, but didn't Reese Witherspoon, y'know, win an Oscar just a few years ago? We're pretty sure she did, but you'd never know it from this poster for Four Christmases, the upcoming comedy she stars in with Vince Vaughn. Despite the fact that Vaughn fired UTA and his manager after the star vehicle Fred Claus opened to less than his first $20 million paycheck, the poster still gives him first billing over the Oscar-winning, A-list Witherspoon (and for another Christmas movie, no less!). To be fair, Witherspoon's last film Rendition was a box-office bust, but she wasn't top-billed on that, either: new beau Jake Gyllenhaal was, despite the fact that he's not yet proven himself as a box office draw. After winning the industry's highest award and proving her ability to single-handedly open a comedy with films like Legally Blonde and Sweet Home Alabama, what more does Witherspoon have to do to be called first in the billing block?

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Before we conclude the Defamer Day of Beefcake, we'd like to make it a threefer: hence this picture of shirtless, Middle Eastern megastar Jake Gyllenhaal squiring girlfriend Reese Witherspoon on the set of Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time — which we last learned would be pushed back a full year to Memorial Day, 2010. Now that shirtless photos have emerged of Gyllenhaal's newly buffed-up body, we think that news will be greeted with the delayed, heart-rending cries of protest it deserves. Says Just Jared:

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· The Ivy Chronicles, a Sarah Jessica Parker project about an "upper-middle-class New York mother" who loses it all, has signed The Devil Wears Prada writer Aline Brosh McKenna take on the screenplay. And we just grew a set of ovaries typing that. [THR]
· The Prince of Persia, Disney's Bruckheimerian take on the popular video game series starring Jake Gyllenhaal as the shirtless, saber-wielding warrior, has been delayed by a full year. Excuse us for one moment, will you? THERE IS. NOOO. GODDDD!!!! OK! Back! [Variety]
· Nicolas Cage and director John Carpenter are close to signing on for Scared Straight, about a wayward teen held hostage during a jail riot who turns to prisoner Cage for a way out. Cage agrees, but not before making the teen his bitch. [THR]
· Thomas Jane will play the lead in HBO's pilot Hung, an hour-long "dark comedy" about a man with an enormous manhood, and all that that implies. And we think you know what we mean. Yes, we thought so. [THR]
· Speaking of ubiquitous Dicks, Dick Wolf's pilot Lost and Found has been picked up by NBC. It involves law enforcement and crime-solving of some kind. [Variety]

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Ah, the buzz cut: that sometimes-risky, sometimes-successful 'do usually sported by male celebrities when it's required for a role in a military/secret agent/futuristic film or because they need a quick way to change their public image. But no matter what their reasons are for taking the razor to the scalp, the look has roughly a 50/50 chance of working. Two of the most recent stars to shave it all off are Jennifer Aniston arm candy John Mayer and new member of the Movie Press-Generating Lawbreakers' Club Josh Brolin, and while Mayer irritatingly manages to pull the look off despite his big head ego, Brolin's close cut reveals a bit too much skin. Which immediately made us reminisce on buzz cuts of the past, both the bad (Hey, Jude), the good (pre-Scientology Tommy C.), and the very ugly (Attack Of The Killer Umbrella-Bearers):

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Yet another actress is sounding off on how urgently they needed to slim down after giving birth, and unlike sourpuss Jessica Alba or wine-guzzling Gwyneth Paltrow, this is a chick we actually like. Beginning the rounds of press for her role as Katie Holmes' Replacement in the highly anticipated, potentially Oscar-adorned Dark Knight, Maggie Gyllenhaal tells USA Today how she speedily dropped all her baby weight before stripping down for some racy Agent Provocateur lingerie ads:

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A vague and incredibly mysterious blind item in today's NY Daily News initially gave us a headache because not a single "groovy"-like hint was included:

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