jail
Pete Doherty Is ‘Drug Free’; I Am ‘A Magical Fairy Person’!
8:59AM Clem Bastow | Pete(r) Doherty emerged from prison yesterday, after a sentence of about six minutes, greeting the press by flapping around a certificate that “proves” he is drug free after his stay in the clink. Same old same old, really; I don’t think I’m the only person who is currently setting my watch according to when he’ll end up a) back in or b) back on the crack.
But what struck me was, well, how shit the certificate was:
Well Done!? Is this some new Scotland Yard initiative that attempts to treat hardened drug users and criminals like they’re back in Grade 2, in the hope that the desire for an elephant sticker is so great they will do anything, i.e. get clean/rat on their accomplices/stop raping kittens?
In fact, I wonder if Doherty didn’t just pop into the rec room before his release and whip something up in Word. To wit:
Feel free to print that out and take it to school on show and tell day, kids. More » 
The Fans React To News Of Pete Doherty’s Jailing
1:57PM Clem Bastow | In news that surprised not even your nanna who thought the end of The Crying Game was “a bit of a shock”, Pete Doherty buggered up his probation conditions and is being locked up AGAIN, as we told you yesterday.
Naturally, the Pete Doherty street team is up in arms about this, and have been spraying their vitriol all over the NME’s coverage of the case - to greatly amusing effect.
Some are surprisingly eloquent, some are aggravated, some are anti-Pete, but our favourite out of the lot has to be this one:
indierockchick4lyf
Apr 9, 2008
omgggthis is soooo sad!! he will miss the solo show in london that i was goin 2 :( i was realli lookin foward 2 dat..i hope he gets out n dnt do the hole 14weeks! he doesnt deserve it!! he is sooo talented, a tru poet n songwriter!! and most of all A LEGEND!!!!
That’s right, “indierockchick4lyf”, he is most certainly a “tru poet n songwriter”.
In fact, we feel confident that that phrase will be introduced into academia from this day forth. “Let us all turn to Chapter Three now, as we discuss the work of Whitman, a tru poet n songwriter. 4 lyf.”
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Bang Bang, You’re F–ked: Chopper Not The Only Convicted Killer Unimpressed With ‘Underbelly’!
2:48PM Clem Bastow | Things are looking up for the producers of Channel Nine’s gangland drama series Underbelly: not only does Chopper reckon there should be “more shooting less rooting” on the show, now Carl Williams has announced he’s unhappy with the way the series has portrayed him!
Writing to his mum, from Barwon Prison where he is serving three life sentences, Williams complained that the show had painted him out as an idiot.
“I don’t mind them telling the truth about me, but telling lies and painting me out like some kind of d**khead who is brain dead - well that’s just bulls**t,” he stormed.
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